Help Me
by Wolfyfiction
Summary: Carlos is hiding something and the guys are determined to found out what is wrong with him, but what happen when they get stuck in a plane crash? Finally, the secrets will come to light. NO SLASH.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello first story hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH! YOU DOGS ARE HORRIBLE! STOP!''

Once again the guys from Big Time Rush has been practicing all day without rested for their new song called 'any kind of guy'. The four hockey heads from Minesotta were becoming tired, and frustrated. Each wanting to go so bad to the Palmwoods pool.

"Gustavo! We are _tired_! Gives us a break!'' whined Kendall Knight leader of the band. James and Logan nodded eagerly nodded while Carlos just took a deep breath to calm his nerves. The blonde and with big eyebrows was always overprotecting with his friends and he didn't want any of them to throw up or even passed out because of the hard work.

"NO!" Gustavo shout making the teens frown. Carlos was becoming even madder, the usual happy, energic, adorable helmet-wearing Latino wasn't in the mood to be hearing his stupid boss screaming at them. Carlos has been quite all day, he was always like this when he had a day just plain awful. "OK From the top! Carlos!"

Carlos took a deep breath and the music start playing and he start singing. "_You seem so hard to know…say-" _he was rudely cut of by Gustavo screaming, "DOG! STOP! YOU SING HORRIBLE, BAD! TRIED AGAIN!" Oh that's it, Carlos calmly took of his headphones and throw with all his might to the glass of the recording booth making a long crack…

"HEY WHAT WAS-" Yelled Gustavo getting cut off by a furious Latino.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? SHUT UP GUSTAVO! IF YOU DON'T LIKE HOW I SING FIRED ME ALREADY! I'M TIRED OF YOU AND YOUR STUPID YELLING AND YOUR BUG GLASSES!'' Shout Carlos, the guys looked at him with shocked their friend never was like that he is always positive and thought about kitties when things where going bad.

He madly storm out of the recording studio slamming the door as he walk out. Kelly turn around looking in shock at the guys. Kendall and Logan had their mough open, but James have an unreadable look on his face. .

James knew something was up with Carlos this last month he has been acting even more weird, he hardly ate, he spent more time in the bathroom, he always look like he was deep in thoughts, he even didn't want to go to the pool a lot. Kendall and Logan knew something was up but they didn't worried as much as James did.

"Look what you did Gustavo?" shout the three boys in union. Gustavo tried to said something but the guys where already out of the door .

Gustavo turn and look at Kelly but she just shook her head. " I'm sorry I didn't know he would get that mad…" Gustavo said. "That's the thing Gustavo you _never_ care about the others peoples fillings…"she said with anger in her voice, Gustavo just sigh maybe he took things too far.

"How can I repair this?" Gustavo ask, Kelly just smile, suddenly Gustavo throat went dry something he knows he wouldn't like what is about to happen….

The guys enter to the Palmwoods where Kendall spot his little sister playing cards with some employees. The guys run to the little girl who just won her card game.

"Katie!" Kendall shout running to her sister breathing heavily. " Hey! What's up big bro?" asked a happy Katie Knight . "Have you seen Carlos?" Kendall asked with hopeful green eyes.

"No, why?" Katie ask kind of worry she knew that Carlos was very sensitive. "No time to explain!" and with that the guys took of running,.

James then spot guitar dude sitting in one of the lobbies chairs, _why is his guitar on his head?_ James shook his head to clear every thought, he need to focus to find there Latino friend. The guys run to him, "Guitar Dude!" the guys shout at the same time making jump at the weird guy in front of them.

"What's up?" guitar dude ask with his funny voice, "What happen to you?" Logan asked pointing at the broken guitar in the guy head, "Oh this? It was Carlos, tell your little friend he need to chill out…." Guitar dude said dead serious.

"You saw Carlos? Where is he?" the guys said at the same time really worried about their friend they already saw what he could hurt or break somebody or something.

"He went to your apartment...and tell him he needs to say sorry to Greta…" but once again he was left talking by himself

The guys took the stairs and run, falling a few times but getting up again once they got to the door of 2J, they felt on the ground clunching their chest for dear life…when they regained their composure they got up and walk inside. The apartment was empty but they knew Carlos was hiding somewhere. They check every side of the apartment but they didn't have luck. They walk to the bathroom door and Logan knock the door.

"What?" the voice of a tired person come from the other side and the guys knew it was Carlos.

"Open the door please…"they pleaded to their short Latino friend, they where silent for a moment but then they heard some footsteps and the door open, showing a Carlos with red and puffy eyes.

"Come here… we want to talk to talk to you…" said James grabbing Carlos by the wrist, the boy yelp by the sudden touch and was drag and throw on the couch

"What was that?" Kendall asked standing in front of his friend with his arm cross over his chest.

"What was what?" Carlos asked innocently .

"Carlos…" his friend said serious and Carlos just sigh, "I'm just tired of Gustavo screaming at me…." he looked down turning a bright color of red from the shame he felt.

"We understand….somehow I knew someone would scream at him one day, but I never thought it will be you…" Kendall said laughing a little bit.

"Is not funny…" Carlos said smiling for the first time in a long time, "Are you kidding me? You should have seen his face"...Logan said smiling they have never saw Gustavo look so scare and they never thought it would be because of one of them."

"Who wants to go to the pool? James asked all the guys said yes and went and look for their shorts.

When they all came out they stared at Carlos weirdly because instead of having a tank top he had a long sleeve shirt. "What?" Carlos asked nervous evident in his voice. "Why are you wearing that shirt?"Logan asked pointing at the purple long sleeve shirt. "I-I feel k-kinda sick and if I am… I don't wanna get…..even more sick…" the brunet just stared, _Carlos is not like this he always tried to hide it when he felt sick? _Logan thought but instead of asking his shortest friend he put his hand on his forehead.

"You are not warm…" Logan stated looking at the Latino in the eye, he would gasp when he saw his eyes they were hallow full of hurt and lie.

"Or maybe is just a cold…" Carlos replied, pushing Logan gently out of the way and walking out of the door.

Logan just stand there glue to the floor, he had thought that it was his imagination when he thought that his friend was acting weird but when he looked those eyes that usually have a tinkled of happiness, he knew that something wrong was going with him, those eyes wasn't the eyes of Carlos Garcia. Those eyes where filled with hurt, disappointment and guilt. That wasn't the Carlos Garcia he used to know.

**There. Thanks for reading…and I hope you guys like it…and what do you think is going on with Carlos?**

**Please review….**

**With love…Alyssa **


	2. Promise?

**a\n: OMG! You guys thanks** **so much** for the reviews. I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! So chapter 2 will have more hints about what's going on. So maybe, just maybe you will know what's wrong with Carlos and now to the story….

Disclaimer: I don't own BTR…

Chapter 2…..

The next day it was a beautiful day in L.A. sunshine was everywhere. The kids were laughing and playing, enjoying there vacation, everyone was enjoying there day, everyone except…Carlos. Carlos was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling, he was feeling miserable, he hated the fact that every time he said good morning he was lying, you know why? Because it never was a good morning for him because he was truly thinking of about how he might quit waking up. But he knew how selfish he is about just thinking about that. So that's why he kept waking up.

Then someone open the door and Carlos quickly closed his eyes trying to look like he was sleeping.

"Sleeping beauty…" someone said with a mocking voice, walking slowly and quietly and jumping on Carlos bed. "Wake up!" the person shout making Carlos open his eyes.

Carlos opened his eyes and saw a happy Kendall on the bed, "Why so happy?" Carlos asked in an annoying voice. "Is it a crime to be happy? And the real question should be… why so sad?" Kendall asked with concerned eyes, "Is it a crime to be calmed just one day?" said Carlos playing with the blanket of his bed. "For you? Yes Mr. Garcia it's a crime….now smile…" Kendall tried, but Carlos remained serious. Then Kendall started doing something weird with the eyebrows, "Smile…" he tried again, Carlos almost cracked a smile. "Nah, I don't like that one, know bigger…" Kendall said know making crossed-eyes, Carlos smile grew wider, "Tickle monster!" Kendall shout throwing his hands to the Latino side, and then finally Carlos start laughing like crazy, that laugh so contagious that could make the saddest person in the world to smile again.

When Kendall finally finished torturing his friend he sit up on the Latino bed with a big smile and said, "See that's the Carlos I know, always smiling…"

Suddenly Carlos sadness washed over him again because he knew he hadn't been that boy in a long time ago, "Ok then, let me go take a bath…" he said standing up from his bed, he walk to his closer and took out a black jeans, a white graphic long sleeve shirt and before he could walk out of the door a voice stop him.

"Carlos?" the blond called him. Carlos turned around to face his best friend.

"Yeah?"

"Everything is okay…right?" Kendall asked with hope in his eyes and Carlos knew that if he told him he would betray him.

"Yeah, everything is fine, don't worry…" _What a lie…_Carlos thought but he couldn't tell the truth, he just couldn't.

"Good because the guys thought you were acting weird and everything…I told them no that you were alright…because I believe in you." Kendall said shyly and it was truth Kendall trust Carlos with all his heart no matter what the people say.

Carlos could feel tears coming to his eyes, How did he become like this? He the worst friend ever, his best friend since pre-k, is believing in him and he is just lying.

"And there was something you would tell me…. right?" Kendall asked.

"Yes… you know best friends always need to trust each other…" _Carlos stop lying please…_Carlos pleaded himself he felt dirty inside for all the lie he has been telling to them.

"Promise?" Kendall asked like a little child.

"Promise…." _Oh god…._

Kendall stood up and walked up to him and held out his pinkie finger. "Pinkie promise?"

"Pinkie promise…" _no, no, no, please no… _"Um…I-i gotta take a shower…" Carlos said trying to get out of there. Once he saw Kendall nodding he got out as fast as he could.

Then Kendall saw something unusual on the boy forearm, _Wait a minute! Is that a cut? Maybe he hurt himself on one of his stupid stunts or….no that's impossible I should not be thinking that about my best friend he would never do that or I most be imagining things…yeah I'm imagining things…_Kendall would have give himself for thinking that about his loyal friend.

XXXX

Carlos felt kind of uncomfortable when he walk out of his room because all this month the guys has been watching him like a hawk, and he knew he have to be careful he couldn't let the guys know what's wrong with him. Why? Because they would hate, him just like he hate himself. He got in the bathroom shutting the door behind him and sliding his body against the door and sitting on the floor, he looked up at the ceiling a single tear rolling down his cheek, wondering when or how will all this lies end.

XXXX

"Dude…something going wrong with Carlos…" James whispered to his friend Logan who was sitting on the couch reading a book. "Why would you say that?" Logan ask looking up from his book, James turned around to face his brainy friend . "Well he didn't even say hi or good morning like usual…" James said furrowing his eyebrow in concerned. James always was concerned about his best friends, when they were younger Logan remember be pulled to the nursery all because a paper cut it was funny how the nurse explain him what a paper cut was.

Logan stared at his friend for a while, "I don't know… but lets not jump to conclusions….I bet you his alright " Logan said trying to sound convince but he wasn't if he could believe his own words. He was worried to death for his best friend his was tired of having the same answer when he asked him what was wrong? He would always say 'I'm fine' and gave him a fake smile when he knew it was a lie.

"I hope you right Logan…" James said with hope in his voice. The brunet took a glace to the close door of the bathroom hearing the shower running. Oh man he love Carlos so much like a little brother and he didn't want anything bad happening to him. He was after all his innocent little Carlos who would hold into him like his life depends on it.

Little did he know how much that Carlos have change and how _wrong_ Logan was, because Carlos wasn't alright.

**Thanks for reading I feel so good today…I hope you guys like it and you guys are great! Bye! **


	3. Vacation

**a\n: Hey! Sorry guys for not updating I have been kinda homesick, I miss USA…I have been in Honduras for 2 months already….and I still have 8 months to go ….but in the bright side I am helping in a bilingual school teaching some kids from pre-k, and now to the story.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

Chapter: 3

That afternoon the guys were sitting at the pool, once again they have been working their butts off for Gustavo. That man can't just leave them alone. Kendall was laying on the chair staring at the clouds thinking about this last months, this months felt kinda… off, something is wrong but he don't know what, he thinks and thinks but cant find an answer until he came to a conclusion. Now, he knows what's wrong, that's why things felt so wrong.

"Guys?" Kendall called his tired friends, who were laying in there chairs too. They turn their faces and saw their leader sitting up.

"Guys… don't you notice we have been…like….growing apart…." Kendall said looking at each in the eyes, he felt kind of sad about it because they promise they would not let this town change them no matter what but it look like they couldn't kept their promise. Logan stared at his friend with confusion, why would he say that? Sure he hadn't been a lot with them, he always spent time studying or helping Camille with her auditions, but he didn't thinks they were growing apart. "What do you mean?" he asked raising his eyebrows.

"What I mean is we are growing apart, we hardly talked to each others let alone spend time or hang out with each other…." Kendall said and quickly saw a guilty expression in James and Logan faces, he shoot a quick gaze at Carlos but he was just staring god knows what.

"What can we do about it?" Carlos asked standing up, he walked and sat on the floor in front of Kendall, he pulled his knees to his chest and hided his arms behind it. He was wearing red trunk and a black tank top he have wrist bands in each wrist. _You guys are growing apart because you are pushing them away idiot._ A voice said in Carlos head and he sigh. "What can we do about it… is fixed it… talked liked we used to do back in Minnesota…before this getting famous thing happen…" Kendall said with a firm voice.

"So…who goes first?"James asked, the guys look around and shout…"Logan!" at the same time, the brunet jumped in surprised, he turned and looked at his friends with wide eyes.

"No, no, no…"the short brunet said, he didn't want to go first, it is always him. In the past year they have done this they would always said it would be him, always him. "Come on Logan…we haven't done this in a long time…" James said smiling at his friend who was now sitting beside Kendall. Logan closed his eyes and tried to think of something, then he remembered something that happen in school a month ago. He took a deep breath and said…"I failed a test…" he whispered but the guys heard it, the guys eyes went wide and stared at there friend in shock.

"What? How could you fail a test! You are Logan!" Kendall shout in surprised, his small brainy friend failing a test this couldn't be real. Kendall tried and pinched himself and see if he could wake up, but he didn't wake up this was real.

"I know! Am Logan! I'm smarter than you!" Logan said earning a shoved from Kendall that sent him straight to the floor.

James thought, what could made there smart friend get so distract. Nightmares? No. Thinking about his dad? No he didn't think so. Girls? Yes! It is a girl and James knew exactly who was the girl. "Oh! I know!" the boy said jumping on his sit, he was about to said something when Logan stand up and tackled his tall friend sending them to the floor. The guys have an innocent fight on the ground. James grabbed Logan shoulder and pushed him against the floor and sat on his back, making the fallen short brunet strungled on the grasp. " He was thinking about Camille, that's why he got all distract…" the tall boy said smiling ear to ear. The guys make their 'aws' and start poking their small friend, who turn red like a tomato.

"Aw…you like her…" Kendall said with a girly voice.

"No I don't!" the fragile boy said with a nervous laugh.

"He totally like her…" Carlos commented with a smile, but inside he felt a little jealous, he wondered why Logan, James, and Kendall had date, he never have gone to a date! _Yeah Carlos you are a loser, you are gonna live and die alone my friend…._the voice said again in Carlos head, the voices that he have been hearing in a long time. Agh! He wanted them away and he knew exactly how he can take them away.

"Okay, okay, enough of me… is James turn…" Logan said to the next victim. James smile disappear, and quickly transformed to a frown, he just didn't want to say anything. He shook his head and looked down, "Its silly…its nothing…" it was something he just didn't want to say it. "Come on James! I bet is not a big deal…." Kendall encourage, James just stared at his friend, _you are so wrong Kendall…._James thought it is a big deal and James was worried about a certain person who was on the floor playing with his wristband. Carlos. Carlos is his big deal.

"Someone… i-is kipping a secret from me…someone who should believe in me but…he just don't…" James said shooting a glaze at Carlos once again he was not paying attention, he was playing with a leaf he found on the floor.

Kendall just glared at James. You see this morning they got unto a fight James is convince that something is wrong with Carlos, but Kendall just don't want to accept it.

"Maybe is a big secret James…" Logan said, he knew what they were talking about, and he was in James side in this one.

"Or _maybe_ you are being _paranoid_!" the blond defend his Latino friend who now was staring at them with confusion.

"I'm saying the truth something-" he stop himself when he reliased that Carlos was staring at them weirdly.

"Carlos you're next…" Logan said trying to stop a fight, he looked at the teen in front of him, he look paler.

Carlos stared at Logan. He went pale just when those words escape from Logan's mouth. What could he said? He couldn't said the truth or he should, yeah he should to get this over._ Don't! Carlos don't say it they will hate you! Just like your father hate you! They will send you away from them and who are you going with if they do?_

"I-I…I-I mean what can I say I'm a boy without secret…" the Latino lied.

_Good boy…_

James open his mouth to said something but before he could Kelly came with a big grinned and four tickets in hand.

"Hello guys! And guess what guys?" Kelly happily said jumping up and down.

"What?" the guys asked in union like they always do.

"You are going on a vacation to….HAWAII!"

**So I was wondering what do you guys want to see on my story? Ask and I will do it except slash I suck at that.**

**And guess what guys I have asked like 11 teenagers do you know what Big Time Rush is? And they are like. What's that? **

**What kind of place is this? **

**Anyway, have a nice day or… night guys and I send virtual hugs to everyone bye**


	4. The voice

**A/N: I really don't have anything to say so just enjoy! Oh! And Big Time Rush is amazing! **

**(**_Carlos thinking_ ) _(the voice inside of Carlos head)_

**Warning: Selfharm…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

Chapter: 4

_In the bathroom…_

Carlos was standing in front of the sink, looking at his reflection, he starred with pure hate what he is.

He moved his hand and opened the cabinet, searching for the only thing he want there.

His razor.

They were living on Saturday to Hawaii, and Carlos didn't want to go, of course he couldn't say that to his friends because they deserve a good vacation and he couldn't ruin it.

He brought the razor to his wrist and press it against his skin, and when he was about to slide it a thought came to his mind. His friends. If they could see him right now, what would they think?

He drop the razor and it fall on the floor with a _cling…_he turned around and sat on the floor.

_I'm not going to do that…_

_Why not? Too scared._

_No…_

_So?_

_Look at me I'm a mess! And this is all your fault…_

_Hey I'm doing you a favor… be grateful!_

Carlos sighed and grabbed the razor and stared at it for a long time looking at the blade he love so much.

_You're ridiculous…_

_I'm not_

_Yes you are and accept it…why are you even here? When you could be in Minnesota…I mean everyone here know they don't need you, they are better without you, you are a waist of air. They hate you…_

_No they don't!_

_Really? So, when was the last time someone ever told you 'I love you'?_

Carlos just look at the blade again, the last time someone ever told him 'I love you' was before the incident. The incident that turn his life upside down, the incident that destroy his family, the incident that destroy him.

_You know? You tried to fight, but you never gonna win, I control you…you are mine…and that incident was all your fault…_

Carlos shake his head trying to get read of that voice but he couldn't he was under his control.

_So do it what do you have to loose. No one will ever care._

Carlos looked at it again and obeying at the voice he it to his wrist and slide. He watch as the blood start to come out, the blood he hate so much, the blood that is filled with venom and hatred, the blood that he didn't want in his body.

The Latino looked at the newest additions at his collection of scars and he love it.

_That's my boy…this is what you need, you need that and you need me…_

Then he cut again.

_How do you call this?_

Carlos smile faded and he just stared at what he made he start filing a little guilty about it but the damage was done already. How did he call this? He did know but he couldn't say it, he couldn't admitt it.

_I call that euphoria wrapped in danger, release wrapped in loneliness and despair. I call that you._

_Can you shut up?_

_Nop I cant…you need me guiding you…_

_No_

_Give it up, already._

_No_

_You already hit rock bottom and you are crumble._

_Stop!_

_It crumbled out and you are falling deeper._

_Stop_

_You are never going to be set free._

_Please, stop it._

_There is no getting back up from here. You are stuck on my web._

_Shut up!_

_The hardest you fight the worst it will be for you_

_No __._

_Why do you keep fighting? You're falling apart your strength is over, it was over a year ago, the year when you give me your soul._

_Stop _

_Do you feel the weight? _

Carlos could fill his chest being to tight with all the pressure. He once again put the razor in his skin and slide. All the things the voice said was true he was stuck, stuck in his web and he couldn't get out, he never will.

_Nothing will help you. You're alone in this, you are helpless._

Cut

_Useless_

Cut

_Worthless_

Cut

_Try to catch a breath, you know you can't._

The boy press hard and slide it, soon a lot of blood where coming out, it reached to his long sleeve that he had roll up, soon enough it was turning red. Carlos watch the blood and he start to panic. He stand up and run to the sink he open the faucet and put his arm under it he saw all the sink fill with blood. He went to far this time and he new it. He cut too deep.

"James!" the boy screamed at the top of his lungs. His vision start to turn fussy but he still had a tight grip in his arm

XXXXXXXX

James was sitting on the couch reading a magazine. Kendall and Logan were out doing something. He put the magazine down and turned and looked at the bathroom door, Carlos has been in there too long in there.

"James!"

Then he heard a scream, he got up from the couch and run to the bathroom door but found it close.

"Carlos! Open the door!" he bang on the door.

XXXXXXXX

Carlos tried to move and grabbed a towel but he tripped with his own foot falling to the ground with a thud.

"Damn it! Agh!" Carlos screamed filling the pain in his arm, he stood and put it again in the faucet, trying to stop the bleeding.

"Carlos you are scaring me! Are you alright? Wait I'm gonna look for something to open the door!" he heard James panic voice in the other side.

He kept pressing, he stumble back wards but regained his composure. Soon the door was open and he could already see James face.

When James open the door he wasn't prepare for what he saw, he was expecting Carlos with his foot stuck on the toilet, but instead he saw Carlos standing in front of the sink with his arm under the faucet, he look and saw the blood in his arm and the razor on the counter. He run to the boy side and grabbed a towel pressing it on his bleeding arm.

"Carlos? What the heck?" James exclaimed.

But Carlos didn't answer instead Carlos eyes roll back and he collapsed in his friend arms.

**A/N: Ha did you guys thought I was going to do the plane thing, well I was but this came to my mind so I write it, but I still going to write the plane scene. **

**Um if you are reading this and you have a cutting problem please seek for help or talk to someone you trust, believe me, it will help because our actions always bring consequence, sometimes worst than others. You don't need it to be happy, you don't need to harm yourself. You can go through your problems you're not alone everybody have someone you can believe on.**

**And if you know someone that cuts and you are close with her or him don't leave his side, it doesn't matter if the people start to talk, it doesn't matter cause you could be saving a life. **

**So hope you like it and bye 3**


	5. The nurse

**A/N: Hi guys! This chapter will bring James feelings…and if you want something specific to happen fill free to ask, I will tried and work on it.**

**Warning: selfharm **

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

**Chapter: 5**

"Carlos! Please wake up. Don't do this to me." James pleaded to the fallen boy, tears coming to his eyes. James grabbed Carlos hand and look at his arms. For first time he noticed what he was hiding, that secret that his friend didn't want to tell anyone finally came to light for him. He saw his arms they were full with horizontal cuts. He find out his friend was a cutter.

The brunet picked his friend up and run out of the bathroom.

James laid Carlos on the couch, while putting pressure on the wound. James was stuck, they where no one in the apartment to help him, and he couldn't pick up Carlos and take him down stairs to the infirmary while trying to stop the bleeding it was impossible.

He sat at the couch and put Carlos head in his lap with the other hand that wasn't holding his friend arm. He glazed at the door. He sniffle, he wanted someone, anyone to open the door right now. _Why did I throw my cell phone out of the window? Oh I know! I'm stupid. _ James sighed remembering how accidently he threw his cell phone out of the window. How he do it? Don't ask.

"Come on…'' the brunet murmured to himself, he stared at the door hard.

"James…"

"Oh great…now I'm hearing voices, I'm going crazy…" James said closing his eyes.

"J-james…there are not voices…it's me…"

James looked down and saw Carlos eyes opened. Carlos blinked trying to clear the dizziness away, he have an urged to vomit at the smelled of blood that was around him.

"Oh god. Carlos…come on we gotta go to the infirmary…" James said with worried eyes, he start to stand up, but was beat up by Carlos, who grabbed the towel and put it on his wrist again and stood up faster than him.

"I'm fine…" Carlos said stubbornly, but he failed at showing how "fine" he was because he stumbled backwards.

"No you're not. Come on, let's go…"James said grabbing his shoulder and leading him to the door, Carlos give up and walked to the door. The brunet opened the door for Carlos, and pushed him gently out of the apartment.

Carlos looked around he didn't want anyone to see him like this, because if they did they will ask 'what happened Carlos?' and he didn't want to answer that question.

They reached to the stairs and began to walk down. Everything was quite between the boys. None of them didn't want to accept the fact that Carlos secret wasn't a secret now.

When they arrive at the lobby a lot of people stared at them but they kept doing their activity. They didn't want to get involve with whatever the guys where up to.

They stand in front of the infirmary, a place they have gone a lot of times, thanks to Carlos stunts. James brought his hand up and knock on the door, soon to be open by the crazy nurse of the palmwoods, who happen to be doctor Hollywood's wife, named Lacey.

"What?" She asked annoy, she is used to the boys always coming with fractures, concussions and wounds. They always get hurt. Lacey looked the two boys up and down, and rolled her eyes when she saw the bloody towel that was on Carlos arms. But soon all her opinions of Carlos will change.

"Um….C-carlos have a…um…cut…" James said slowly trying to find the words to say that his best friend cut himself.

"Ok…Carlos go, sit on the table…" She mumbled loud enough for the guys to hear it. Carlos thanks her and walk to the table James following behind and sat in it.

The nurse Lacey sigh and walk to the table, she grabbed Carlos arm and took the towel away, when the blood started coming out fast she noticed that Carlos cut so deep that he cut a vein, she quickly put the towel again afraid of the boys could possibly died of blood loss. Her eyes went wide when she saw the numerous cuts that was in his arm, some still bleeding. She soon realized that cuts where not accident, she realized that the cuts where made with a sharp object, sharp enough to cut it open. She realized that the cuts where made by him.

She turned around to face James with a scare look on her face, she grabbed James arms and start pulling him out, and soon he start to protest.

"Hey! What are you doing? Stop!" James shouted to the nurse.

"YOU need to get out!" The nurse scream, she drag James to the door but he grabs the frame of the door stopping her to take him out.

"No!"

"Get out!"

"Make me!"

"GET OUT!"

"NO!"

"LITTLE INSECT!TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF THE DOOR!"

Carlos tried to look at the fight but he only saw two James and two nurses. He was falling unto darkness, he couldn't see anything. He had never imagined that he would be here because of this, obviously that voice inside of him beat him. Now, he was nothing, he felt nothing, he just felt numbness, the darkness was all he saw.

"_Did you thought you could ever beat me? No you couldn't…now you're dead…you will be forever friend of the darkness…_ "

The world around Carlos collapsed. He shut his eyes and falled on the floor with a thud, the towel falling beside him.

"Carlos!" James shout for his friend but now he couldn't do anything the nurse shove him out of the room, slamming the door and locking it.

James looked at the door, tears streaming down his eyes. He sat on the floor and put his head on his hand and started to sob. He didn't care that the girls could see him crying, he just care for the boy that was inside there. His best friend, his brother, his Carlitos was hurt and he didn't know, he didn't protect him.


	6. A dream just plain weird

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

**Chapter: 6**

The nurse rushed to Carlos side and picked him up, it took a while for her to lay him on the table, thanks god he wasn't that heavy.

She grabbed her instruments to work on the boy and walk to his side, she pull out some gauze and start cleaning the Latino boy.

Nurse Lacey looked at the boy face and wonder what was going on with him, that unconscious boy that walk the first time through those doors with a bleeding knee didn't look like him. _Maybe the fame got to him…_the nurse wonder. The band has been going very strong since their first album, a year ago they were four strangers looking for a opportunity in L.A.

XXXXXX

_Carlos blinked and soon a scared face took over. One moment he felt unconscious and he was sitting in something soft? He stood up fast and look around all he saw was blue and grey. He started to jump and he felt himself bouncing._

"_Oh god…I'm dead…" the boy whispered raising his eyebrows in confusion, he looked down at his arm and what he saw make his heart filled with fear, all the cuts he have were black and just nasty looking._

"_No you're not...you're dreaming…" a voice said._

"_Who are you? Where are you?" Carlos asked looking around but no one was there, what was going on?_

"_Over here…" then something strange happened something pop in front of Carlos. Carlos screamed and fell backwards on the soft cushion._

"_Oh my god…Kendall?" the boy exclaimed realizing who the person was in front of him._

_But he wasn't Kendall, he may have all the features of him but you could tell he wasn't him if you look in his eyes. Instead of those glad green eyes, his eyes were black they look hallow full of hate._

_His voice was even deeper than the usual voice that was filled with joy, instead it was filled with darkness._

"_I'm not Kendall idiot…you usually call me just __the voice…__but I'm not just the voice of your head…my real name Is Darkness and you are my best friend…but don't worry…if you want my name to sound less scary call me Dak…"_

"_Where are we?" Carlos asked as Dak sat beside him._

"_Shut up, stand up and look at the edge" Dak said with annoying voice, Carlos did as what he was commanded, he stood up and walk to the edge he looked down. His eyes went wide and he ran to Dak side and threw himself in whatever he was on. _

"_Why are we on a grey cloud? You know I'm afraid of heights!" He asked his voice shacking with fear._

"_I know you're afraid of it, I just thought it will be fun to bring you here."_

_Carlos glared at the boy beside him._

"_What do you want from me?" Carlos question every hint of fear was gone, he was tired of that voice or Dak or whatever his name is, he is just tired of him._

"_Look at me…" Dak demand the Latino, Carlos looked at the boy and those eyes met his. Carlos want to look away but he couldn't it was like something was controlling him._

"_I don't want you to act like that disgusting kid you were before, __understand…__" Dak said with a firm voice, Carlos nodded like he was hypnotized._

"_I don't want you to be the good guy, or whatever good is left on you…" he continued, Dak put his arm around Carlos shoulder and start speaking again._

"_I want you to be BAD, a badass. I don't want you to care about any thing, I want you to be mean. I want you to rule the world…" Dak said a little excited, Carlos just look ahead._

"_Why?" the Latino whispered._

"_Think about this, everybody hate you? And if they hate you why would you love them?" Dak commented smiling._

"_And beside I have been all this time with you… you should repay me" the boy said._

_Carlos thought about it and soon an evil smile spread on his face._

XXXXXXX

**A\n: Well I know this is weird but Carlos is just dreaming and dreams are always weird.**

**One day I dreamed that my math book had teeth and it was chasing me in my room to eat me. It was scary.**

**Well hope you like it and please review. Love you guys!**


	7. You need help

**Hello everyone! Thanks for the reviews …**

**Now, to the story**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

**Chapter: 7**

Carlos opened his eyes, but yelp when the bright light hit him. He felt so dizzy and tired. His arm ached and his head pounded. He sat up and looked around, then he remembered everything, he was at the infirmary. _I am at the infirmary? Who brought me? _ Carlos furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

Then he remembered.

_Oh god….James brought me? … Oh no! James brought me...he knows…_

"_He knows…" Carlos muttered to himself. He looked at his arm and saw that it was stitch up, he make a sigh of relief when he saw that his arms had stopped bleeding._

"Oh, look who wake up…" said a voice. Carlos turned around and saw nurses Lacey walking to the room from the bathroom.

Carlos just stared at the nurse breathing faster, watching her as she walk to the cabinet and pulled out some items from it.

"How are you feeling? Do you feel light-headed? Nauseas?" the nurse asked walking to the boy and sitting beside him on the table. He shook his head and look ahead he tried to process what just happen.

"I'm fine…" he said with a hoarse voice, he stood up and a wave of dizziness wash over his whole body. He stumbled back and grabbed the table that was beside him.

The nurse noticed this and she stood up and walk to a cabinet filled with medicines.

While, she wasn't watching Carlos looked around the place his eyes land on an object on the counter

_Take it…_

A smile grew on his face. He walked as quite as possible, grab it and put it on his pocket.

The nurse Lacey turn around and walked to him handing him two white pills, he stared at them not really sure if he should accept it.

"Take it…they will help with the dizziness and pain…" she said with an unusual sweet voice.

"This are not…poison right?" Carlos asked looking at the pills.

"I don't hate you that much…" she said with a smile on her face but that statement didn't make Carlos to happy instead she frowned at her words.

_I don't hate you that much…she steel hate me…_

Carlos took the pills, the nurse hand him some water. He took it and drank the pills.

"Carlos made sure to clean the cut two times a day or asked Mrs. Knight to do it…" the nurse said writing on her clipboard.

"Sure I will…" he said sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"She doesn't know right?" She asked glaring at the boy in front of her.

"Pss! I'm not _that_ stupid…" Carlos said laughing a little.

"Carlos this is not normal…" she said shaking his head.

"What are you talking about?" Carlos asked smirking.

" You know what I'm talking about don't act stupid with me…the reason _you_ are here is not normal…you need help…" the nurse Lacey said her voice soft and tender but that didn't work because soon Carlos smirk was replace with an angry expression. He cross his arms over his chest and took a deep breath he was about to snap.

"Nurse Lacey I _don't _need help…I'm fine..." he remarked a little annoying because of the woman in front of him.

"Here take this…" she said giving him a paper.

"What's this?" He asked looking the picture that was on the paper, it was a tall, white building.

"S.H.R. Self Harm Rehabilitation center…but it your choice if you want to go…they could help you stop…" she said pointing at the fold paper in Carlos hands. Carlos let out a frustrated frown and curse under his breath, couldn't this woman understand that he _didn't_ want help?

"What if I don't want to stop? What if I like the feeling?" Carlos snapped.

"Look kid you-"

"No you look. I'm fine, I don't need help from you or anyone else! So suck it up because this is my life know and I like it!" Carlos said mad as ever, the nurse just glare at him.

"What about your friends?" Lacey asked.

"I don't care what the people think about me anymore…" he said turning around and walking to the door. He didn't care what the people think about him. Why would him, if everyone hate him.

"Then my job is to call your parents or guardian…so…I'm gonna do that…" the nurse Lacey said, she walk to the counter and grabbed the phone that was on top of it. She deal the familiar number of Mrs. Knight.

"Whatever…." the boy said walking out of the door and slamming it behind him only to be meet up with a tight bear hug. It was James he forgot that James was outside. Did he heard everything he said?

James pulled away and looked at the boy, but he just look down.

"We need to talk you know…" the brunet said with a soft voice. Carlos looked up and saw the tear stained on James cheek.

But he didn't care, he didn't care if he hurt him inside, if he made James or anyone cry. He just didn't care about anything anymore. The world was nothing for him anymore, because since he was 12 he started seeing the world other way.

James looked at him and sniffled, what was going on with him? Didn't he understand how much he hurt him? How much he hurt himself?

"I know what you going to say James…you're going to say 'you need help'…I know that for now on every one is gonna say 'you need help'…but one thing people don't understand is that I don't need it, I'm mess up already, what good can anyone do? I'm over, no one can help and no one ever will…" Carlos said.

And with that Carlos left.

XXXXXX

**Thanks for reading guys and hope you like it.**

**I think the plane crash will be maybe on chapter 11.**

**Please review and love you guys, bye.**


	8. Why?

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

**Chapter: 8**

Around 6:00 pm, James and Carlos were at the apartment alone, neither of them had said a word to each other. The two of them where lost in their own thoughts.

James would throw a quick glaze at the Latino boy but he just lay flat on the table, James shifted on the sofa uncomfortably. Why was this so difficult? Why didn't Carlos want help? What make him do this?

All does question run through James head but the most important one was: why? He felt a single tear slide down his cheek but he let it fall. He felt bad about Carlos. Why was this happening to his cheerful friend and not other person? Why him?

Carlos had already changed his dirty clothes unto a t-shirt and shorts. He didn't even bother to put a hoody. So now he is just lying on the table, his eyes wide open. He felt hurt, why does everything bad happen to him?

He didn't understand anything anymore, he was lost. He felt numb, he just wants to run to the bathroom and stay there forever but James was there watching every movement he made.

Then the door swing open revealing a smiley Logan with a bag by his side, he walked to the kitchen he was so happy that he didn't notice Carlos at all. He placed the bag on the counter and took out a telescope from it.

"Hey! GUYS! Look what my..." his voice trail off when he finally saw the state his friends where.

James turned around, but when he made eye contact with Logan he look away. But it didn't matter because he saw the tears that where on his taller friend. Logan raised an eyebrow in confusion he look down at Carlos who was still lying on the table.

Logan walked closer two Carlos, he eyes where caught by the cuts in Carlos arm and soon his doctor modes start working up.

The pale boy grabbed Carlos hand and pulled him in sitting position. The Latino stared at his friend in surprised, since when is Logan that strong? Or is he to light?

"Carlos…what happen?" the boy asked softly looking at Carlos cuts.

"This is none of your business!" Carlos snapped harshly pulling his hand from the boy grasp and standing up. Logan stared at the tan boy with shock and fear, he didn't know what he did wrong but he did know that this can't be good. James face went red with anger, he stood up and walk to the Latino boy shoving him.

"Don't yell at Logan!" the brunet screamed with angry eyes.

"What are you gonna do about it?" Carlos said shoving him back.

"This…" James said before shoving Carlos so hard he felt to the ground. Carlos stood back up and threw a punched hitting James on the gut. But that didn't stop him because James punched him hard in the jaw.

Carlos brought his hand up and touched his lip, he look at his fingers and saw a red liquid that was so familiar to him. He looked at James with hate in his eyes and suddenly he run toward him knocking him to the ground.

Logan looked at his friends who were fighting on the floor. He had never seen Carlos so mad before, or James hitting Carlos.

"STOP!" the pale boy scream pulling Carlos from the tall brunet. Carlos was breathing fast looking with anger at his so called friend who was standing up as well.

"What is going on in here?" the pale boy scream at the two boys who were glaring at each others.

"Ask Carlos about it…"James said crossing his arm over his chest. Logan turned to the boy beside him but he look away taking his arm out of Logan grasp.

"What is going on Carlos? Why are all this cuts in your arm?" Logan asked with a soft voice.

"I told you that is none of your business!" the boy suddenly snapped back making Logan jumped a little.

"And I told you not to scream at Logan!" James yelled defending his pale friend who look scared to death he knew that the boy have never seen this angry side of Carlos and honestly he hadn't too.

"I DO whatever I want! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? MY DAD?" the Latino boy screamed making his hand in a fist.

"No and I'm glad you know why? I'm glad because I don't have to deal with your stupidity! And I bet your Dad is glad because you are not there!" James screamed his face red as a tomato, but then he realized what he said and his hand flew to his mouth.

A silent felt in the room you could only heard the hard breathing and a gasp from Logan. Carlos looked down his heart filling once again with anger and hurt.

_That's right a told you your friends thinks you are stupid…_

"I'm leaving…" Carlos mumbled turning around and walking to the door.

"Carlos I-I didn't…" James spoke but it was too late because the door was close with a slam.

James sighed and walked to the couch sitting on it, putting his hand in his face. Logan followed him and sat beside him putting a comforting hand on the boy shoulder.

"I didn't mean to tell him that it just slipped…"James said his voice broking at the end.

"It's alright buddy…I know you didn't mean to…" Logan said rubbing his taller friend shoulder.

"No Logan is not alright…who know what his gonna do without me watching him…" James said shaking his head, tear coming to his eyes but he fought it back, he was trying to be strong for Logan.

"What do you mean?" Logan asked with confusion. James took his hand from his head and took a deep breath, preparing himself to tell the truth he couldn't believe. He reached to his pocket and slowly took out something he hate so much. Carlos' razor. Logan eyes went wide when James put the objet in he hands. He saw the razor and saw that the razor had dried blood in it. He turned to look at his friend who was looking down.

"What's this?" He asked with shacking voice, he saw James sighing and he knew that what he was gonna say, it would hurt him a lot.

"This morning…I was sitting on the couch and I heard Carlos screaming my name…s-so I run to the bathroom door but it was locked so I grab Mrs. Knight extra key from the kitchen and open the door…" James paused taking a deep breath.

"I thought that his foot somehow was gonna be stuck on the toilet…b-b-but I was wrong…his arms were bleeding Logan…he used that to make his arm bleed…"James said pointing to the razor that was on the shorter boy hand. He couldn't take it anymore, the tears were falling and he couldn't stop it anymore. Logan was shocked at what he just heard and slide all his arm around the crying boy pulling him unto a hug while the tall boy rest buried his head on Logan shoulder.

"B-before I c-could said anything h-he pass out Logan…I had to carry him to the infirmary…" the boy was speaking his face still buried on the other shoulder.

"He said he don't need help...h-he just don't understand how much this could destroy him…he just don't…I-I c-can't believe I didn't know w-what he was doing t-this whole time!" James said finishing with a sob. Logan hugged his friend tighter rubbing circles on the boy back while he cried on his shoulder.

Logan closed his eyes a tear rolling down.

Why Carlos? Why them? Why is he doing this? He just wanted an answer.

Why?

**XXXXXXX**

**Why?**

**Well you guys have to keep reading to find the answer**

**But don't worry the truth is close**

**Hope you guys like it…and thanks for reading Bye!**


	9. A need in life

**Hello everyone thanks for reviewing and for reading.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

**Chapter: 9**

James and Logan were still sitting on the couch. James would not stop crying and his friend has tried everything to make him stooped. He tried rubbing his back, rubbing his hair, tell him that everything was gonna be okay, but he didn't know if it was true.

He was just so broken and hurt. He love Carlos and what hurt so much is to know that he is hurting. Ugh…he would do anything to things right again, anything.

Then Logan heard the door open, he let out a sigh of relief.

"Mom…I'm _never _going to go shoe shopping again…" Kendall exclaimed trying to carry all the bags to the kitchen without dropping any to the floor. He managed to put it on the table. He cracked his neck pained coursing through his back.

Mrs. Knight stood on the door way of the kitchen watching his son complaining.

"Oh, come on Kendall…is not that bad…" Mrs. Knight said and Katie nodded standing beside her.

The blond boy started walking but stopped on his track when he heard some crying coming from the leaving room. He looked at his mom, but was already out of sight, he walked to the leaving room and he froze.

James was shacking on Logan shoulder, while the pale boy hugged him tightly, sniffling. Logan brought his hand up and swiped away the tears that were on his own face and place it back to the boy hair, but the crying didn't stop.

Mrs. Knight walked to the couch and sat behind the crying boy, putting her hand on his shoulder.

Hearing any of her boys cry break her heart, what break her heart even more is because she knew what the boy was crying for. She had been thinking about this lately, she mean the staying all the time in the bathroom, being secretive, wearing long sleeve shirts on hot days and all her guesses were confirmed by nurse Lacey this afternoon when she called.

"Sweetheart…" the boy cried harder in front of her, his body shacking with every sob. She looked up and saw her two kids watching helplessly at the broken boy.

"Kendall…" the blond stepped forward and took his mother hand away from the tall brunet shoulder.

"I will control this…take Katie up stair and get some sleep mom…you need it…" she looked at James again and nodded, she knew her son could do this so she had to let him. She stood up and grabbed Katie hand walking side by side toward the stairs.

Kendall sat on the couch and like his mom, put his hand on James shoulder he looked at Logan and saw the tears on the short brunet too.

"James…buddy calm down…" Kendall tried but James just shook his head. Kendall looked helplessly at Logan who sniffled loudly.

He wondered what is making James cry. James never cried, it just didn't sound right.

"James, please turn around and talk to me…" Kendall pleaded.

James tighting his grip on Logan shirt almost choking him and cry. He just couldn't stop he had never cry like this before, never.

"Come on buddy talk to me…"the blond plead. James loosed his grip of Logan shirt and pulled away. Logan shirt was now soaked with tear. He turned around slowly and his eyes meet with concern green one. This make him even more upset, Kendall want him to tell him what's run, what if he doesn't believe him?

James stared at him with red, puffy eyes and shook his head. _Kendall would never believe me._

Kendall sighed, bringing his hand up to brush the hair that was sticking to the brunet wet face. He slide closer to James and enfolded him in a tight hug.

James returned the hug wrapping his long arms around the blond frame.

Logan leaned back on the couch resting his head on it and he closed his eyes. He pinched himself hoping to wake up of this terrible nightmare, but he didn't, it wasn't a nightmare, it was real, so real.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The night was unusually cold today and Carlos totally regretted walking out in just shorts and t-shirts.

The streets were dark and there was no one in them like he was. Telling the truth he wasn't scare, he just wanted some time alone to think about everything.

He saw a park at the distance and he decided to shake it out, he cross the road and saw the swigging sets, the slides, the jungle bars. He smile remembering every time he and the guys went to park back in Minnesota back in the time when everything was so right just like every kid want it to be.

He sighed and walked to one of the swings and sat on it.

The Latino looked down and slided his finger on the scars and cuts that were on his arms.

The first question that the guys asked was why. He knew the answer but maybe they won't believe him. He didn't want to involve the guys in messes he was in. He didn't want them to worry about him. He knew he could do this alone but he just didn't know how. He knew he could stop…but…he just can't, he just couldn't stop this was like a need in his life.

And he knew he couldn't stop it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**Well I don't fill that proud for this chapter is kinda lame, but I tried so hope you guys enjoy it.**

**Two weeks ago I went to visit my brother and it was pretty fun. He didn't like big time rush. I tried everything, but them I show him their new song 'if I rule the world' and he actually like it.**

**Yay! 1,000 points for the rushers, 0 for the haters.**

**Please, please, review guys **


	10. You are lucky I do

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

**Chapter: 10**

"James! Wake up!"

"What?" James jumped on the couch and looked around disoriented.

"James…" James finally managed to regain his composure and saw Logan with a frightened expression on his face sitting in front of him.

"James we fell asleep…" the pale brunet said with a scare tone.

"What do you mean?" the tall boy asked confused.

"What I mean is we fell asleep and Carlos is not here…" Logan said standing up and pacing in front of the couch that held a preocupate James and a sleeping Kendall.

"Are you sure?" he asked standing up.

"Yes…" the boy sighed.

"Oh no…this can't be good…"James shook his head. Now what are they going to do?

"Take Kendall ups stair…" Logan ordered his voice sounding broken with nervousness.

"What? Me? He's too heavy!" the tall boy complained.

"Oh! Come on James…he doesn't look that heavy…" Logan whispered, annoying with his friend.

"Have you carried him before…"James protest.

"Do you want him to wake up and be pissed because we fell asleep without Carlos coming home?" Logan asked getting frustrated. He just didn't want to hear Kendall mouth spitting insults or blames to anyone in the room.

"Why do you care so much about it?"

"Just take Kendall to his damn room!" Logan yelled not caring about the people who were sleeping or not in the apartment.

"Shhh, okay, okay…you don't have two yelled…you're so bossy...you are gonna wake him up…" James said looking at the blond moving a little on the couch. They let out a breath of relief when they heard their friend snoring again.

"James, stop arguing with me and take him to his room." Logan ordered.

"Okay _mom…_" the brunet rolled his eyes and walk to his sleeping friend. He slide his arm behind his friend and pick him up bridal style. He started dragging his feet out of the living room because of the weight in his arm, and murmuring how 'heavy' Kendall was and how stupid Logan is.

When his friend was out of sight, Logan sat on the couch and rubbed his face with his palms, filling stress in his body. He wondered what he should do in this situation, waited for Carlos or looked in the cold, dark for him.

How did they got in this situation, they have always been there for Carlos, have they?

His thoughts where push away when he heard someone footsteps in the leaving room, he look up and saw James walking toward him.

"What are we going to do?" James asked sitting beside the pale boy. Logan looked at the clock at the wall and sighed.

"12:00 P.M…." he whispered, closing his eyes, already expecting James reaction.

"What?" James jumped up from the couch.

"I said 12:00 James…" Logan replied looking at the anxious teen.

"I heard you Logan…what are we going to do?" the tall brunet question his shorter friend who just shrugged hopelessly.

"Wait…I guess…" he said.

"Are you crazy? We can't just sit here and wait till Carlos come…" James stated sounding annoying.

"What are we going to do then?" Logan asked matching James tone.

"I don't know about you…but _I_ gonna look for Carlos…" James said with stubborn attitude, he grabbed his jacket and start walking toward the door.

"You can't do that…you don't know where he is, he could be anywhere…"the pale brunet said standing up following his stubborn friend.

"Well, I don't care…"

"Dude, listen, is dangerous out side…"

"And your point is?"

"My point is we could get hurt…or even worst we could die…"

"Logan! Don't be such a baby…" James rolled his eyes, and shorter brunet looked even more worried than ever. James lean over the counter and grabbed Logan jacket that was lying in their. He threw it at him with a smirk on his face.

"So are you coming or not?" He asked with a bigger smirk on his face. He saw Logan face screwing in thoughts and he knew that the boy will give up soon or later. Logan shoulders fell and James did a victorious dance in his mind.

"I gotta get new friends…"

James cheered and opened the door letting Logan get out first. Logan glared at him and walk out of the apartment with James following behind shutting the door quietly.

"I really gotta get new friends…"

"Oh, Logie you always said that but you never will…you love us too much to do that…"

"You are lucky I do…"

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

**Awwww I'm really proud of this **

**I just want to make a little humor for you guys since all you have been reading in my story is angst and more angst.**

**So next chapter it will have some angst for you guys.**

**Hope you guys like it and please review.**

**Love ya Alyssa**


	11. Should I end this?

**Like I said before there would be some drama in this chapter and more of Carlos thoughts so enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR I wish I did.**

**Chapter: 11**

The night was quiet and peaceful even though his heart wasn't exactly in peace, he just kept quiet swigging. There were a lot of question but it seems that he couldn't find the answers for them. His life was messed up, he got into a fight with his best friend, he yelled at someone who tried to help him, he lied to every one especially his friend who wouldn't believe that something was extremely wrong with him, this problems make him fill guilt responsible for hurting everyone even the people he love so much. He was nothing, he is worthless. Carlos Garcia was worthless.

Nothing felt right anymore, he had done a lot of damage to his friends, to Big Time Rush, to everyone and he wonder if it worth living when you fill nothing?

Carlos stand up and start walking down the sidewalk, he hope he would get mugged and get killed who would care, he knew they would be better.

Was it worth living?

Why not just end it?

Would he hurt someone?

Would they care?

Was it worth it?

No, they will not care or that was what Carlos thought.

Logan was someone amazing, but would he care? He is smart not like him, he got a wonderful attitude not like him, he got parents who always were there for him and he didn't.

James got a great hair, a lot of girls who would love to date and just as Logan a great attitude. He is confident, secure, pretty and amazing person, dwelling to help his best friends even when he knew he can't. But Carlos thought he didn't have any of that, he wasn't confident, he didn't get a great attitude, he wasn't pretty instead he thought he was the ugliest person in the world. He felt ugly, stupid and worthless.

Kendall was awesome. He was so oblivious of everything. He always thought that his best friend was the most innocent of all but how wrong he was. He always took care that the Latino would not get bullied or heart broken but he didn't know he already was. They were a lot of things Carlos admire of Kendall he is a great leader, a great friend, a great brother, a great son. He would do anything for them even give his life.

_Why I'm not like them?_

_Why do I have to live like this?_

_Life isn't fair, that's for sure._

_They should all leave me behind I'm just an obstacle._

_Nothing special_

_I'm just holding them behind._

_They will all be better without me._

_Why should they care if they never did? _

_Why now?_

All this negative thoughts run through Carlos head and he still didn't get an answer.

He sighed when he felt a few drops coming from the sky, he round a corner and sat on a place where he could at least stay dry. He looked around, there were a light pole right in front of him, a close restaurant and a lot of shops and business.

He brought his knees to his chest and buried his face in them, those negative thoughts still coming to his mind.

_Should I end this?_

That horrible thought came to Carlos mind, he had think about it a lot of time but he could never do it. Why was it so different tonight?

Carlos without hesitation reached to his pocket and took out to items. The first item was a razor, he always took it everywhere he went and today was no exception. The second item was a bottle of pills call Morphines he stole it when he was at the infirmary that morning.

He looked at the bottle carefully and put it aside.

He grabbed the razor and rolled up his shorts, he brought it to his skin and pressed it against his thigh sliding it to the right.

He kept sliding and sliding, not caring a beat about what happen that morning. He obviously didn't care, not at all.

When he was done with it, he had 22 cuts that were bleeding but he still didn't care and maybe he never will, not again.

He grabbed the bottle beside him and screw the lid open and that's when the worry and hesitation took over.

He tap the side of the bottle with his finger tips thinking about all the good he would do if he just and it but they were still have a question in his mind.

Would they care?

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"James I'm telling you. Let's. Go. Back. To. The. Apartment." Logan said looking everywhere.

"I'm not getting back without Carlos…"James mumbled still walking and bringing his jacket tighter around his body.

"James…I'm scare…"Logan said, stopping and looking down at the ground. James stopped and turned around raising an eyebrow at his brainy friend.

"It's okay…I will take care of you…I wont let anything hurt you guys…" James said walking closer to the boy.

"It's not that…" Logan sighed and embraced himself, the air hitting his flushed cheeks.

"What is it then?"James asked with a soft voice.

"I'm scare about Carlos we don't know what his doing right know…What if he hurt himself…" Logan confessed with a quiet voice, tears burning his eyes at the thought of his friend hurting himself once again.

James walk closer and drop an arm around the pale boy and sighed he really didn't thought about that and he got to confessed he was scare about it.

"Come we gotta find Carlos…" He said leading the pale boy to round the corner. James stopped in his track when he saw something weird on the other end of the corner.

Logan noticed this and walk closer letting James arm dropped James tried to stop him but it was too late.

"Logan, come back here…"He whispered but the boy just wave his hand to shut him up.

Logan stopped in his track and gasp at the person who was sitting on the floor.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carlos grabbed a pill and put it on his mouth and swallow and then another and another and another.

When he already swallow four he got tired and brought the bottle to his mouth ready to swallow every pill he could.

Suddenly he heard a gasp and his head swiped to the left, his eyes went wide and he lost his grip on the bottle sending it to floor with all the pills shattering to the ground.

"Carlos?" it was Logan and he want that the ground swallow him right there. Behind Logan, he saw someone running to them, James.

Logan looked at the boy who looked down, he cooked his ahead a little and walk to Carlos kneeling in front of him. He carefully inspected the boy and he felt his heart breaking when he saw the razor and pills scatter on the floor and the trail of blood rolling down the boy leg. He looked at the boy face but he still looked down not wanting to meet the others gaze.

"Carlos please look at me…" the brunet plead but was rejected with a flinched from the heart broken boy.

James just watched by the side. When he looked at the razor and pills he felt that his throat has gone extremely dry.

"Ok then…James?" Logan turned to look at the daze boy who quickly turned his head to look at his friend.

"Huh?" James asked unable to form words.

"Pick Carlos up, we are going home…" James nodded but Carlos didn't seem pleasant by it, he quickly went to grab the razor but Logan slapped it away. Carlos held his hand to his chest looking at the boy with shocked who pick the sharp item up and throw it away of Carlos reach.

James pick the shocked Carlos up and tossed him to his shoulder, he expect the boy to fight back but he didn't maybe it was the pills fault.

Logan stood up as well and started walking ahead of his friends without saying a word.

Carlos just watched as the pills went far and far away from him by every step James made. He felt numbed and his eyelids felt. What he swallowed was making now an incredible affect on him when he soon fell asleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

**Don't worry guys Carlos is fine well not that much…but his alive that's a good thing.**

**Please, please review.**


	12. Game over

**Okay** **you guys are the best thanks so much for the review, is always awesome to know that someone is liking this so far.**

_Carlos thinking_

**_the voice_**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR I wish I did. *sigh***

**Chapter: 12**

_The next day…_

Carlos open his eyes and grown escaped his lips. He could fill a headache coming to his temple and he tried to ignore it. The memories came flooding back and he sighed, he sat up and looked around. He was on his room in his pajama.

He looked at his thigh curiously and rolled up his pajama sure enough he was patch up and cleaned and he sighed once again.

He slowly got up from his bed and made his way to the door he grabbed the doorknob and walk out.

As soon as he stepped out a delicious smelled reach his nose, the smelled of season and food was so pleasant for him. He turn around and made his way down the stairs when he got their he saw Mrs. Knight cooking and Kendall sitting on the couch watching cartoons.

"Good morning Carlos." Kendall said with a smile. He always was a morning person ever since he was a kid and that would never change.

"Morning" Carlos said with a fake smile and walked to the kitchen. When he got to the kitchen he said good morning to Mrs. Knight but he only receive a stern look from her and sad 'morning', he shrugged and made his way to the refrigerator and grabbed an apple, he close it and walk to the cabinet looking for the knife but he found nothing?

"Um…Mama Knight…where are the knives?" He asked innocently. As soon as she heard the word 'knife' she turn around so fast she almost dropped the plate she had in her hands, she let out a sigh of relief when she saw him holding an apple.

"I will cut that for you don't worry sweetheart…" She said with a smile removing the apple from Carlos hand. Carlos looked at her suspiciously but just decide to drop the subject.

"…Ok…"

"Why? Don't you go watch TV with Kendall while I cut this and finished lunch…" She said trying to push him away she didn't want him to know that she knew what he didn't want them to knew

"Lunch?" he asked his eyes going wide open. Mrs. Knight sighed and was about to answer him but someone beat her.

"Yeah buddy, we didn't want to wake you up…you were knocked out." Kendall said without moving his eyes from the TV.

"Oh…" Carlos said walking toward Kendall and sat beside him. He looked up at Kendall and smile when he saw that the boy was very happy. He looked back at the TV but his thoughts wonder on two certain boys, James and Logan.

"Where are the guys?" Kendall turned his head to face Carlos and shrugged.

"They went out this morning…" Kendall said. Carlos nodded and forced a smile on his face.

_Where are they?_

"Are you ready for Hawaii? We are leaving tomorrow." Kendall said with a grinned, he had always wanted to go to Hawaii it was his dream vacation.

Little did he know that that vacation will turn unto a nightmare.

"Yeah! So ready!" the shorter boy said with a fake excitement but that 'excitement' didn't reach his eye.

Kendall smile at him and went back to watch TV.

Carlos sighed and buried himself farther on the couch. He felt horrible for lying at Kendall like this he felt really bad but he knew he have to.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

That afternoon Carlos was spending it on the couch thinking things over. He felt miserable, so miserable he just didn't understand why he did everything so wrong.

Kendall was in his room getting ready for a date he had that afternoon with his girlfriend Jo.

James and Logan just came two hours ago and were playing a video game while he just watch them, they refused to make eye contact with him they would hardly talk, and Carlos was feeling jealous that James had chosen Logan to play video games over him.

He was mad at Logan for taken his place.

He was mad at James for ignoring him.

He was mad at Kendall for leaving his side and go on a date with his _stupid_ girlfriend.

He was mad at Mrs. Knight for hiding the knives in the kitchen.

He was mad at Gustavo because it was his fault he was going to Hawaii with his _so called friends._

He was mad at himself for begin so stupid and believe they somehow love him.

He hate this fillings, this emotions, he wants to fill nothing.

He wants that razor in his skin so bad, taken that disgusting blood out.

That anger that his filling inside, he can't take it anymore.

Why was he so mad at them?

What is this hate his filling?

Why is this happening to him?

_**Hey! Why are you mad at them if this is all your fault.**_

_No is not!_

_**Yes it is!**_

_No!_

_**Yes**_

_No_

_**Yes**_

_No! __This is not my fault!_

Carlos looked at his friends and they were still with their attention in the game. He took a deep breath and bring his knees to his chest and hug them close to him. But that voice in his head was still trying to make him fill miserable.

_**Accept it, it's all your fault.**_

_But I didn't do anything_

_**Are you kidding me? Look at you! Yes you did! All this is happening because you kill her don't you remember?**_

_No I didn't…_

_**March 13, 2007…remember?**_

_No! Shut u!_

_**Yes you did and now you're killing them, you're killing your friends with your stupid self.**_

_No, no, no, no_

_**Yes, yes, yes, yes, slowly and painfully**__._

_No shut up please! _

Now Carlos was now gripping his head with his hands trying to get the voice away. He was getting insane with all of this.

_**Now you don't want to accept it coward!**_

_No, no, no, no_

_**Coward. **_

_No, no , no, no._

"No stop!" Carlos scream and the guys wiped there head around and froze when they saw the trouble boy gripping his head and shutting his eyes. James got up and run to the boy side and started shaking him lightly. Carlos open his eyes and saw a scared James in front of him.

"What's wrong Carlos?" asked James his eyebrows furrow with concern. Carlos watched him in disbelief.

How could he ask that?

Isn't obvious?

Everything is wrong!

Everything is so damn wrong!

Carlos got up from the couch and storm to the bathroom a lot of emotion running through him he didn't want to fill them he want it to go away. He wanted to fill nothing.

He opened the bathroom door and slammed it he went to locket it when he notice something.

_What the heck? It doesn't lock? They took the lock away? How did they do it?_

He looked around and saw that everything look normal, the shower, the curtain, everything was normal. He walked to counter and open the cabinet quickly he notice that something was missing. The razor. He desperately dig on the cabinet trying to find the sharp item but he found nothing. Carlos opened the next one but it was empty. It was obvious James and Logan took away every sharp objet even the knife.

"No, no, no, this can't be happening…" he murmured to himself while he searched in all the bathroom.

"Looking for something?"

Carlos turned around and saw James and Logan on the doorway.

"Where is? Where d-did you- You little piece of -" he was unable two finish when a third person appear on the doorway. Carlos put a fake smile when Kendall crossed his arms over his chest.

"Hi! Kendall" the Latino greeted, like nothing ever happen.

"What's up with the screaming? I could hear you upstairs…" the blond said a little annoying with the events that were unfolding on the bathroom.

_Carlos please think of something fast_

"James and Logan stole my helmet!" Carlos shouted and point a finger toward the boys.

"What?" Kendall asked.

"No Kendall that's not true." James argued and glare at Carlos. Logan just looked at him with a hurt expression.

"Yes is true…and now they are calling me names Kendall" the boy said in fake sad tone with a fake pout. The blond walked too the 'sad' boy and threw an arm around him while he glare at the others two. Carlos wrap his arms around the boy ''sniffle'' while he buried his face in his chest.

"What the heck is wrong with you guys?" Kendall screamed at James and Logan.

"No! His lying! His a liar for God sake can't you see it?" James screamed obviously mad at the Latino. The boy flinched for real because it was so true, he was a liar, but he had to do this. Carlos hugged Kendall tighter and faked a whimper.

"James!"

"No! His right Kendall his a great actor you know." Logan said defending his tall friend.

"They are so mean…"Carlos whimper.

"You guys are unbelievable…" the blond shake his head disappoint at them. Logan was about to say something when Kendall cell phone rang in his pocket he held out a finger and took out the phone, it was text from Jo.

"Carlos I gotta go Okay buddy? Their are not gonna bother you anymore alright…" Kendall said with soft voice. Carlos nodded and pulled away from the embrace.

Kendall walked away without looking at the pair with a disaproving look. He walk out of the door and everyone held a breath unto they heard a the door begin shot.

"Why did you do that?" James demand and Carlos smile an evil smile.

"One, because I want to and two, because I have to." Carlos said his smile never leaving his face.

"But Kendall is going to hate us!" Logan said.

"Oh, that's too bad…" James clenched his teeth, he felt the sudden urge to punched Carlos square in the face. He took a deep breath.'

"You know…that was low even for you…" James said angrily. Carlos walked and stood in front of James.

"You are just mad because you lose…" Carlos said his smile getting wider.

"I didn't lose anything…" James said not taking his eyes away from him.

"Jamie, Jamie, Jamie game over…"

**A/N: Wow Carlos is getting mean is always fun to make this boys suffer and after that make them fill better.**

**Yoy so next chapter it will be speacially for Cargan friendship so hope you guys read it.**

**Chapter 14: plane crash yay i'm so excited for that one.**

**Please please review and tell what do you think of this chapter.**


	13. There for you

**Hello fellows! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR I wish I did. *sigh***

**Chapter: 13**

_Knock knock knock_

"Come in…"

Logan opened the door to find Carlos lying in his bed tossing a ball in the air. Carlos stopped and sat up narrowing his eyes when he saw Logan. The last person he wanted in his room at moment like this was him.

"What do you want?" Carlos demand rolling his eyes at the pale boy. Logan looked at him in disbelief and crossed his arms over his chest leaning on the door frame.

"Really? You are asking me that?" Logan asked raising an eyebrow, Carlos shrugged and rested his elbows on his knees keeping his head down. The pale boy close the door and walked toward the Latino and flinch when he saw the scratches and scabs that where tear apart this afternoon by his nails. He let out a sighed of relief when he saw that the stitched cut was untouchable and sat beside him.

"Carlitos if you keep doing that, you are going to infected it" Logan said with a gentle voice but the boy just snorted.

"Whatever just ask whatever you are going to ask…" the boy said in a harsh voice, Logan took a deep breath to prepare himself.

"Why did you lie to Kendall?" Logan asked softly furrowing his eyebrows in concern but the boy just shrugged looking ahead.

"You don't care what he thinks about us?" Logan tried again he was determined to at least made the boy talk about his fillings.

"Not at all…" Carlos shook his head and looked down playing with his fingers. Logan felt a pang in his chest but he tried to ignore how hurtful Carlos words could be and focus on his friend and tried to make him fill better.

"Would you talk to me, please?" Logan begged to his trouble friend, Carlos looked at him with a serious look on his face.

"I won't judge you…I promise…" he said softly to him, he hold a cheer when Carlos slowly turn around and sat crossed legs in front of him.

_**Maybe he wanted to tell you how stupid and worthless you are.**_

The silence consumed the room when Carlos sighed and just sat there watching everything but Logan. But the pale boy waited with patience because he knew that anything that was troubling the boy wasn't easy to handle. It was something that was breaking Carlos inside and he is not leaving until he talked about it.

"So…" Logan started filling awkward he never thought that one day he would have to talk to Carlos about something he never expected in the boy life. Sure, there were a lot of things he want to say but he just couldn't put it on words. Carlos looked up with a puzzle look on his face expecting for Logan to say something.

"Why did you lie to Kendall?" Logan asked once again but he was only answer with a shrugged, he felt himself losing his patience and he took a deep breath to regain it.

"Carlos he is going to find out sooner or later…" Carlos shrugged and mumble an 'I don't care'.

_**Kendall is going to freak out and hate you like everyone.**_

"Ok that's it…Carlos look at me!" Logan ordered standing up. Carlos looked up and narrowed his eyes at him.

"Carlos there should not be scratches or cuts on your body. There should _not_ be blood out of your body it should be inside."Logan said trying to hold his tears from falling.

_**Bla bla bla don't listen Carlos.**_

"I know that..." Carlos said looking at his arm with pure disgust.

"But I want it out...I can't stand it inside of me" Carlos said with a quiet voice, you didn't need an expert to know that he was talking about his blood, the thing that keep everyone alive. He looked down at his arms that were steal red with the scratches he had made after the accident in the bathroom.

"Why? Why do you want that?" Logan asked the boy who brought his kness to his chest hugging them close to him.

"Because...is dirty...and...nasty..." he replied looking at Logan with the eyes that could broke your heart in two, the eyes that look so broken and in so much pain.

"Why do you think that?" he asked in disbelief.

"Because is true Logan don't you see it!" Carlos snapped but Logan just shook his head.

"No, what I really see is a beautiful person..." Logan said softly.

"You are just saying that to make me fill better" Carlos mumbled and buried his face in his knees and shutting his eyes to keep his anger in bay.

"Since when are you so negative?"

"Since when are you so_ freaking_ annoying?"

"I'm not annoying! I just want you to realize that you don't need this...that you are a beautiful person...you are not dirty...you are not nasty...you are amazing." Logan said with a gentle voice.

"Shut up Logan...you dont know what you are saying" Carlos said with a harsh tone, something inside of him wanted Logan to continue saying those wonderful words and tell him that everything is gonna be okay. In his heart he want to believe it but his mind wont let him.

"No Carlos! I can't shut up and sit there just watching you getting hurt...I just can't...I wouldn't handle that..." the taller boy said his voice cracking at the end.

"Why can't you just leave me aside?" Carlos asked.

"Because...because you are one of my best friends, i can't do that..."

"Two people I know say that...and guess what? They did! So why can't you do it?"

"Because I'm not them! I can't do that!"

"Yes you can..."

"No I can't!"

"Yes you can!"

"Why do you want me to leave you aside? I wanted to be there for you" Logan said looking at Carlos with sympathy.

"Oh shut up, You that's not true!"

"Yes it is!"

"Shut up!"

"Carlos!"

"I hate you Logan!"

Logan felt a painful pang on his chest and his throat went dry.

Did he really just said that?

Logan took a deep breath and look away multiple tears falling from his eyes, the Latino looked at him wide eye, he just realize what he said and start to panic.

He always had said lies to get away from people, from the questions, and espeacially from telling the truth but he never thought he would get this far.

He hurt his best friend with those words that were so untrue.

"I-i...I-i..."

"You know what Carlos..." Logan said in a quiet voice he sniffle loudly and wipe his face. Carlos heart was racing he totally regret what he said to his friend.

"No matter how much you tell me you hate me...that wont stop the way I love you..."

Tears were falling freely on the boy face, he got up and walk slowly toward the boy before turning to look at Carlos with a teary face. The Latino looked away and sigh he didn't want to see the hurt in Logan's eyes it would be too much to deal with. Logan sighed and open the door walking out of it.

_I'm sorry Logan..._

**_XXXXXXXXXX_**

**Yay for bromance!**

**Well this wasn't exactly the way i expect it to end because I thought it will be a happy moment on Cargan friendship but I screw it opps...**

**Okay at least that means there would be more drama YAY! :)**

**Hope you like it **

**and review, reviews always makes a writer heart happy**

**Love ya Alyssa **


	14. Plane crash

**Disclaimer: Don't own BTR**

**Chapter: 14**

Wow...life could really suck sometimes, when you thinks things couldn't get worst...BAM!...It happens and you sometimes which it never had happen like that.

James growned and turn around on his bed, snuuggling closer to his pillow. He sighed and shoot a glaze toward the other side of the room not seeing Carlos on his bed.

_What time is it?_

He glazed toward the clock in the nightstand and read 7:30 am, he got up stretching his arms in the air, letting out a jawn.

He looked around the room, on the corner he saw his and Carlos suitcase, packed and ready to go.

Hawaii. He wanted to get some vacations but he had a weird filling about it, but what could he do about it? Gustavo had already spend a lot of money on them to just blew it for him.

He walked out of the room, and walked down the stairs and saw the guys sitting on the couch. Everything was quiet gazing at diffirent directions. Carlos was sitting on the corner of the couch and Kendall was sitting beside him.

Carlos looked kind of depress like he didn't sleep at all and kind of thoughtful too. James undertood why, he remember himself hugging a crying Logan close to his chest yesterday. It was obvious that the Latino was upset about it because he didn't mean to say that but the damage was already done and he can't do anything about it. Carlos was wearing a baby blue long sleeve shirt and dark jeans with dark blue converse.

James walked toward them and sat beside Logan, he want to hug him so bad right know. He look so sad and heart broken. He putted a handed on his shoulder squizzing it lightly, this make the brunet looked upgiving him a small smile.

He turned to look at Kendall who was glaring a whole on his head. Carlos saw this and got up walking slowly inside of the bathroom obviously he didn't stand the tension that he created.

This is going to be a long week.

XXXXXXXXX

Carlos looked at himself in the mirrow, letting out a frustrate grown, he wants throw up so bad at the way he looks right know. He looks so ugly, he hate everything. He look so lifeless, his eyes were ugly he have horrible bags under them and dark circles. He was feeling so sad, so anxious. He couldn't be still, he felt like he was shaking with anxiousness. He wanted something so bad but it was taken away from him.

"Oh god...I'm going insane, I hate this..." he mumbled to himself, rubbing his face and sitting on the floor.

He raised his sleeve up and started scratching a scab, soon enough the scab tear off and his fingers fill with blood. He smiled and dugged even deeper making the cut more bloody and deeper. He liked the stinging he felt, he love it and he couldn't help the need for more.

He proceeded with another one doing the same, his smile went wider when he saw more blood and more blood. He actually was amused with it.

Then, he heard a knock on the door.

He growned and stood up grabbing a towel and pressing it to his arm.

"Carlos, sweetie are you okay?" Mrs. Knight concern voice came from the other side of the door.

"Yeah! I will be out in a minute." He opened the faucet and puttted the towel down the water washing the blood away.

He putted his sleeve down and walked out of the bathroom. He looked up and almost jumped out of his skin when he saw Mrs. Knight staring at him with a stern look.

"I know...I know what you were doing inside of there." She said pointing to the bathroom, looking sad.

"You do?" Carlos asked suprise.

"Yeah...go upstairs I gotta talk to you" she ordered quietly and Carlos obey. When he walked past the living room, he looked at his friends who were sitting on the couch staring at him, well except for Logan who had been ignoring him all morning, he sighed when he glazed at Kendall who was giving him a what-did-you-do look. He smiled at him and Kendall relax a litle smiling back. Carlos smile faded when he turned toward James who was giving him a disbelief look.

Mrs. Knight walked inside of her room and closed the door behind her.

"Sit" Carlos obeyed and sat on the edge of the bed while Mrs. Knight stand in front of him crossing her arms over her chest.

"Nurse Lacey called me..." Jennifer stated making the boy looked down.

"I know..." he confessed with a quiet voice. She sighed and sat beside him.

"Roll your sleeves up..." she said looking at his arms. Carlos head shut up with a terrified look on his face.

"B-but M-mrs. Knight..." he protested but just give him the look.

"Do it." She ordered.

He gulped and reached to his left sleeve, he took a deep breath and rolled it up slowly. When his skin was exposed, Mrs. Knight gasped in horror and cover her mouth. He looked down ashamed that his best friend mother, the one that had watched him grow since a little kid, had watched him like this.

"C-carlos this is not healthy..." Mrs. Knight muttered grabbing his hand gently and looked at his arms that were fill with scars, scabs, scratches and cuts. She tried to hold back a tear from falling, this was one of his child, one of his sons, and he was hurt.

"I'm sorry..." Carlos said quietly without looking at her.

"Oh sweetheart..." she exclaimed hugging him tightly. Carlos seemed hesitate at first but hugged her back.

A painful knot formed in Carlos throat, he bitted his lip to keep his tears on bay, crying was for weaks and he didn't want to be weak, he never will, ever again. Not like before when everyone could walk into of him, who could make him filled miserable, who could make him filled useless. He took a deep breath relaxing a little, melting on the hug, hugging her tighter.

"I'm so sorry mama..." he said quietly in a childlike voice breaking the women heart. As soon as he said that, a flashback came to his mind and he quickly pulled away like he was burning on the hug and Mrs. Knight looked at him confused.

"Honey...what is it?" she asked softly to the boy taking his hands on her owns, he looked down and closed his eyes.

"Is it your mom?" She asked softly again. At the sound of his mom, Carlos took a deep breath.

"Is more than that is it?" Mama Knight asked and Carlos finally nodded.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked again but Carlos shook his head. She sighed and grabbed the Latino cheek making him looked up at her.

"Ok...I understand...but please don't do that sweetie, please don't hurt yourself...you are to beautiful to that..." she said gently and all Carlos do was smile at her a little making the women smile back.

"I will tried..." he said, he did, he really did want to tried but maybe is going to be too difficult for him, he was sure he wouldn't make it.

"Great...then...let's go have breakfast."

XXXXXXXXX

"Man, I'm so excited!" Kendall exclaimed sitting on one of the sits beside the window. Carlos smiled and sat beside him looking around at the private plane.

"I know is going to be awesome!" Carlos exclaimed throwing his hands in the air.

"Yeah awesome..." James and Logan said at the same time sarcasticly sitting on the sits behind the pair. James sat beside the window and Logan sat by his side. The long and the Latino exchanged confuse glazes and shrugged, starting to talk about how excited the trip is going to be.

James heard the conversation and sighed, he felt dissapoint, dissapoint with his leader and it frustrated him. Kendall was just so gullible! He believe everything Carlos said when everything was a totally, completly _lie_.

James had always been the kind of guy who could see through a lie or just have this filling when something is going wrong.

He had always know that something was seriously wrong with Carlos. Since he was at least 13 years old the Latino had started acting really weird, he wasn't himself.

He had asked his mom one, but Brooke Diamond just shrugged it off and said that it was just puberty, but he knew that it wasn't that, that it was something else and he was totally right now.

Carlos is hurt.

He grabbed the magazine in front of the sit bag when he felt the plane taking off. He opened the magazine, turning to first page and saw a couple kissing. He made a gagging sound and turn to the next page.

He stopped and lowered the magazine, remembering something that happen two years ago. He hadn't of that since know.

Oh dear lord...

XXXXXXXXX

_Flashback_

_It was a rainy and cold day in St. Paul Minnesota. It was exactly 8:50 pm on Saturaday._

_The 15 years old James Diamond had spend his day lying on the couch watching tv and eating popcorns._

_Now, you might be wondering, why is a 15 year old spending his Saturday all lonely with nothing to do?_

_Well that's easy to explain..._

_Kendall is grounded._

_Logan is on a trip visiting his grandmother in Texas._

_Carlos said he was busy, weird right?_

_He shrugged and brought a ahnd full of popcorn to his mouth, but then he heard a knock on the door. James grown and stand up, making his way with a slow pace to the door, then there where more knocks sounding desesparate._

_"I'm going!" James exclaimed irritated, he opened the door only to be pushed inside making him fall on his butt._

_He looked up and was shocked when he saw who pushed him._

_It was Carlos Garcia, he was leaning on the close door looking terrified, the Latino was panting and soaking wet, looking pale as a sheet of paper._

_"Dude...are you okay?" James asked concern standing up from the floor and walking toward the short boy._

_"W-what?" Carlos asked shaking a little._

_"Are you alright? Why are you soaking wet and look like you have been running?" James asked again furrowing his eyebrows in confusion and concern._

_"Um...I'm wet because is raining outside...and I-I thught...you were filling lonely so I came running over here." The Latino explained sounding nervous, he gulped when James sent him a look._

_"I'm fine..." he as_s_ured looking at the brunet in the eye._

_"Well then...let's get you dry buddy..." Carlos nodded and followed James who was making his way upstairs._

_One hour later_

_The guys were on the couch watching tv with a blanket in their laps, while they ate popcorns._

_Carlos was focus o the tv while James was thinking hard._

_"I love this movie!" the short boy said with a huge smile on his face, eyes glue on the tv._

_"I know! Is so awe...some..." James said trailing off at the last word when he saw something weird on the Latino neck._

_"Is that a hickey on your neck?" Carlos mile faded and he turned to face James looking nervous. The brunet reached with his hand to touched the purple bruise but Carlos back up covering it with his hand._

_"Carlos? who did that?" James asked concern dripping from his voice, turning unto protective mode._

_"I swear is not what it looks like! Is just a bruise...yesterday...i-in...hockey practice when i-i...tripped I kind of hurt my neck..."the Latino rambled trying to convise his friend._

_"B-but-"_

_"Can I use your bathroom?" Carlos asked quickly cutting the brunet off._

_James nodded quietly, the short boy got up and hurried his way to the bathroom letting alone once again a worried James._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"James, James, James, James..." He snapped out of his trace when he felt a finger pocking him and a boy saying his name over and over and over and over.

"Yeah?" He asked annoying, Carlos and Kendall were still talking.

"You kind of...zoned out...are you alright man?" Logan asked looking at him worridly.

"Yeah...sorry about it..." the tall brunet mumble, closing his eyes.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(One hour later)

Carlos woke up and looked around, they were still on the plane. He looked at Kendall who was playing with his cellphone. The blond looked up and smile.

"Did you sleep well buddy?" the blond asked kindly, the Latino smiled and nodded streching a little.

"Are we there yet?" Carlos asked.

"No..." Kendall replied as soon as he said that the lights on the plane went off.

"What was that?" asked James on the backseat.

"Hey dude! Could you turn the light on please, is kinda dark back here!" Carlos said to the pilot on the plane but only was responded by silece.

Kendall furrowed his eyebrows curiously and opened the window, his eyes went wide when he saw smoke coming from one part of the plane.

"Um Carlos?" the Latno turned around facing the boy with a questioning look on his eyes. The blond point to the window and Carlos leaned forward tolook through it. His eyes went wide and a gasp scaped his lips.

"Is that supposed to happen?" asked Carlos.

"No! Is not supposed to happen!" screamed Logan starting to panic.

James noticed this and grabbed Logan hand and held it tight but that didn't stopped the plane from collapcing.

For James everything was spinning, he could bearly heard Kendall and Carlos screams and Logan gasp of panics. When the plane finally crash things went completly dark.

**xxxxxx**

**I hope this didn't suck guys.**

**Love ya and please review.**


	15. Dead man

**50 REVIEWS! I fill like a princess thanks soooooooo much**

**OH and a huge thanks to Anonymous Skrtle who gave me an awesome idea and check out her stories they are amazing!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

Chapter: 15

You never know when happiness will turn to horror.

One second you are laughing and the next one you are screaming for help.

Kendall Knight opened his eyes and groaned when he felt pain rush to his neck, he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and looked around seeing darkness all over the place.

_What happen?_

He still looked around with confusion until he finally realized what happend.

His eyes went wide and he turned his head around to see his friend beside him, ignoring the pain in his neck.

"C-carlos?..." the boy studdered quietly grabbing the boys wrist to check his pulse.

When he grabbed his wrist, the shirt sleeve slide down a little reveling a single cut but obviously because of the nervousness he was feeling Kendall didn't notice it.

He held his wrist with his hand and sighed in relief when he felt a strong pulse.

"Carlos?" the boy called again filling braver and letting the Latino hand fall on the boys lap.

The shorter boy groaned, opening his eyes who met with green ones. He reached his hand to the back of his neck rubbing it and wincing at the pain.

He started looking around, their were a lot of things scarrer on the floor.

"We got unto a plane crash..." the blonge explained before the boy could ask and checked if his Latino friend got injured.

"Are you okay?" the Latino asked worry flashing through his eyes.

"Yeah...don't worry buddy..." Kendall smiled a little.

Suddenly, Carlos eyes went wide remembering something else, he quickly reached to his belt snapping it off.

He raised to his feet and run to the back sit, Kendall following behind.

Both, James and Logan were passed out from the impact of the crash, the taller boy was leaning his head on the window and Logan was leaning his head on James shoulder.

"Logan?" the short boy called for his friend, when the brunet didn't answered he started to panic.

He grabbed the boy shoulder shaking him violently begging him to wake up.

Slap!

Carlos yelped and brought his hand to his chest, a burning filling in is hand.

"Ow?"

"Don't shake me like that...agh..." Logan groaned rubbing his neck and shooting a glare at Carlos.

"Wait...what happen?" He asked eyes going wide when he saw the mess in the plane and the scare expresion on Kendall face.

"We were in a plane crash genious." Carlos replied asked harshly rubbing his hand.

"Well sorry for asking princess."

"Well isn't obvi-" Carlos was cutted of by an irritated grown coming from the blond.

"Would you guys stop! You guys are fighting instead of being worry and waking James up, so we can get out of here and get help!" Kendall screamed, anger and worriness dripping from his voice.

Carlos looked away and Logan sighed turning his attention at James.

"James?" Logan said tapping the boy cheek.

"James." he tried a little louder but James didn't wake up. The brunet exchanged a worry look with Kendall, he took his seat belt off to get a better view of James.

Then, he gasped, turning pale when he saw the siuation his friend was.

James side of his facehad a trail of blood, slidling down from his head to his neck.

"James!" Logan exclaimed turning the boy to inspected the wound.

"Kendall give me your hoodie!" the brunet said ignoring Carlos question, the blond nodded and quickly took his hoodie off and handed it to Logan.

He grabbed it and held it lightly on James head.

"Kendall help me take James out of the plane...Carlos can you check on the pilot..."

Kendall and Carlos nodded and the Latino ran dissapering behind the curtain leading to the pilot room. The blond walked toward James wrapping his arms around him and picking him up.

Logan walked toward the exit and opened the door. As soon as he walked out a cold wind hit his face, he carefully climed down the plane landing on his feet perfectly.

The brunet looked around and saw trees and a lot of kind of plant he had never seen, he then started lowering James off the plane.

When they finally got him down, they sat him in front of a tree his back leaning on it.

"James...buddy wake up...please..."Kendall begged while he kneeled in front of him and press the cloth on his head again.

James moved a little and groaned, his eyes still close.

Kendall smiled wildly and quickly wrapped his arms around the boy hugging him tightly.

"Ow..."

"Sorry..." the green eye boy pulled away smiling at the hurt boy.

_Snap!_

Kendall and Logan turned their heads toward the sound and saw that the tree that was helding the plane from falling down the hill was breaking.

The pair looked at each other with pure horror, but before Kendall could do anything Logan was already climing on the plane.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Carlos!" screamed Logan at the top of his lungs when he step on the wreck plane, he quickly ran to the front part of the planeavoiding every peice of glass that was on the floor.

When he slided the curtain open and walked inside where the plane is operate. The brunet quickly spot Carlos standing in front of the pilot sit with a unreadable look on his face.

"Carlos! Come on we gotta get out of here!"

Carlos looked at him with hollow eyes and turned around again watching the dead pilot on the sit, he gulped when he saw once again the glass that was stabing the man chest.

"He is dead..." the short boy said loud enough fir Logan to hear it, not tearing his eyes away from the bloody person.

Without hesitation, Logan grabbed Carlos arm and started draging himout of the plane, the Latino boy never leaving his eyes from the dead figure.

When they got to the exit Logan turned to his bandmate and saw him staring at the floor.

He sighed and pulled him gently out of the plane.

_SNAP!_

The tree finally broke and the plane harshly slided down the hill.

**XXXXXXXXX**

**I hope it didn't suck guys because I'm trying for it to sound realistic**

**Well the truth is close SO close and the next chapter will have more hints for you guys **

**Love you guys and thanks again for the reviews and for reading.**

**Oh...please review *puppy eyes***


	16. I'm nothing know

** A/N: I'm so sorry guys for not updating last Sunday I had troubles with my internet so sorry. Thanks sooo much for the reviews and spport you guys give me I really appreciate it. ****I got this idea when I was watching Drake and Josh. So enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own BTR.**

Chapter: 16

"Logan?"

"Carlos?"

"Are we dead?"

"I don't think so because I'm talking to you."

Logan and Carlos were both lying on the ground beside each others breathing heavely and very shocked about what just happen.

"Are you alright?" Logan asked turning his head locking eyes with brown ones.

"Yeah..." Carlos said looking up at the sky.

"That was so close..." Logan said taking a deep breath, the Latino nodded and sit up, staring at the place where the plane use to be.

Logan sat and looked behind him and saw Kendall staring at them with wide eyes helding a hurt James.

"Thanks..." Carlos said quietly.

"Is not a big deal..." Logan said standing up and making his way toward a shocked Kendall.

The short Latino sighed and stood up following Logan.

_His mad at me._

"James?" the pale boy called kneeling in front of his friend.

"Mmm..." James opened his eyes slowly and all Logan could see on them was pain and confusion.

"Does your head hurt?" Logan asked softly at the boy, James nooded slowly but stoped groaning at the pain in his head.

"Wha' happend?" James asked quietly closing his eyes.

"We were on a...plane accident buddy..." the brunet replied.

"Was I in the accident?" James asked, Logan looked at him serious he looked up and saw Kendall looking worried.

"Yeah..."

"Mmm...wha' day s today?"

"Saturday..."

"Wha' append?"

"He has a concussion." Logan stated looking at Kendall with worry eyes and the blond gulped.

"Crap...what are we gonna do?" Kendall asked stroking James hair with his hand.

"I don't know..." Logan mumbled and the blond looked at him with wide eyes.

Carlos sighed and watch with worry as James moved a little groaning, he frown and sat in front of a tree, greeping his hair with his hand thinking about way to get his friends out of this mess.

"What do you mean you don't know? You are smart!" Kendall said his hand stoping and looking up at Logan with panicking eyes.

"Well I don't know everything!" the brunet shouted glaring at Kendall, he just couldn't think under pressure. James groaned and the pair looked at him with wide eyes.

"Sorry..." the pair apologize to the hurt boy, but Kendall still looked at Logan waiting for him to come up with a perfect plan.

"W-we...could...walked down the hill?" Logan said unsure about it.

Carlos looked up with wide eyes when something clicked in his mind.

"That's not such a good idea..." the Latino said standing up and making his way toward the guys, Logan looked at him with annoyance.

"Oh yeah? Do you have a better one?" Logan asked irritated.

"I actually do Logan." The Latino replied his tone getting angrier.

"Guys seriously stop..." Kendall said stroking the boy hair.

"No I want to hear it, really..." the pale boy said crossing his arms and standing up getting face to face with Carlos.

He doesn't know why was he acting like this, he love Carlos, he is his brother but something inside him broke when the Latino said those hurtful words the other night.

I hate you Logan.

They were supposed to be best friends.

To help each others in moment of troubles.

To be there for one another.

But everything change on a blink of an eye, Carlos wasn't the same Carlos he was before, he had change a lot.

He wasn't Carlos anymore.

"I think that is the most _stupid _idea I have ever heard...think about this is getting dark and we don't want tripped and cracked our head open..." Carlos said serious.

"He had a point..." the blond said agreeing with the boy, Logan looked at him in disbelief.

"You are siding with him?" Logan asked surprised.

"I'm not siding with anybody, I just want things to be better." he said looking at him straight in the eyes then he heard a whimper coming from the boy on his lap.

"Stop fightin' let heard Ca'los idea..." James said groaning at the pain in his head, Logan sighed and nodded giving up on his fight.

"I think we should look for wood, start a fire and stay for the night in here and tomorrow we could walked down the hill." Carlos said smiling a little.

"You know...he is right..."

"Fine...whatever...I will get the wood...don't move guys..." Logan said turning his back and started walking looking for woods and sticks.

When the pale boy disappered behind the trees Carlos turned around and started walking toward the direction the plane went.

"Where do you think you are going? Didn't you heard Logan?" Kendall asked forrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

"You know I never listened to him..." the short Latino walking off down the hill.

Kendall sighed and stroke his friend hair, silently hoping that they will get out of here.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carlos walked fast down the hill carefully, avoiding every pieces of plane that was scatter all over the place, focus on his only objetive: get to the plane.

The plane was just a few feets away more wreck than ever landing on the cold ground.

When he got to the plane, he saw the door torn apart, he looked every where and saw the plane smashed in so many place he actually doubt himself about going inside, but he had to do this, for his friends.

He grabbed the door and throw it to the ground.

He walked inside and the smell of gas, dirt and blood burn his nose and made his stomah flip. He made his to the back where all the equipments were.

Carlos kneeled in front of the broken fridge and take off the broken door.

He started to take out food and putting it on a bag he found, then he notice that the food was damp with melt ice.

Wait what?

Melted ice?

A huge smile spread on the boy face, he throw his hands insid eof the fridge and grabbed some ice that was scattered inside. Then his smile turned into a frown.

"Where do I put it on?" He asked himself groaning for being so stupid.

Then an idea pop into his mind, he reached down and took one shoe off , then took his socks off. He grabbed the ice and started putting it inside of the sock making a knot on the end of it. He smiled and put his shoe on again.

He stood up and start looking around eyes falling on the emergency equipment, he let out a sigh of relief and grabbed it.

He walked toward the exit pripping the ice and the bag in his hand when something cause his eyes, being his curious self he walk toward it. His eyes went wide and his breath become more heavy. The pilot lay on the floor. Dead

Carlos looked at the figured on the floor and a flashback came to his mind making his breath more heavier and his vission became more blurry, He shook his head to make the dizziness go away and looked away.

**_Does this look familiar to you?_**

Carlos took a deep breath to steady himself.

"I bet he had kids..." he mumbled to himself, his thoughts were cutted off when he felt the water dripping down his fingers, he slowly make his way toward the door once again and step ot of it.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Where were you?" Logan asked aggrevated as soon as Carlos came into view.

"I was looking for things..." Carlos responded showing the things he got at the boy.

"Carlos you are a hero!" exclaimed Kendall who was holding a sleeping James, the Latino handed him the ice and Kendall quickly putted on the boy head.

"Why did you put it on a sock that's gross?" Logan asked with disgust.

"I didn't have a bag and you shold at least appreciate what I do for once." Carlos said glaring at the smart boy.

"I do appreciate it, I just think that it is very an-" Logan said but the furious Latino cut him off.

"Well sorry for not being smart like you Logan!"

"Okay that's enough! Will you guys just stop fighting!" The blond yelled.

"Fine..."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The night came, James and Kendall were sleeping peacefully with a spair blancket that was on the emergency kit.

Carlos glazed at Logan and saw him sitting up infront of the fire, trying to keep his body warm.

"Can't sleep?" Carlos asked his pale friend but Logan just ignore him.

"Are you seariously gonna stay mad at me?" The Latino asked and he finally looked up.

"I'm not mad at you...we are just over..." Logan simply said shrugging his shoulders.

"What do you mean?" Carlos asked confuse.

"We are over...forget we ever were friends...we are bandmates but just that..." Logan stood up and made his way toward the guys getting inside of the blankets.

Carlos looked at the boy in shocked, feeling like his heart exploted and like someone just punch him hard blowing his soul out of him.

After a moment he just went and laid beside James and stare at the dark sky.

The stars were not shining, nothing make sense anymore.

This is it.

This is the last straw.

That only thing that make him someone in the were his friends.

But without them he was nothing.

He felt nothing anymore

He was nothing anymore.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Wow this was really difficult to writed but I did it and I'm kind of proud of it.**

**So please review!**

**Love ya Alyssa**


	17. Broken beyond repair

**A/N: Okay just got to say this…I'M SO EXCITED FOR BTR SECOND ALBUM! OH YEAH! **

**Anyway this chapter is really sad, I read it twice and I was like man did I just writed this.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush and I bet nobody wants me to own them.**

Chapter: 17

The next day came and Carlos still hadn't sleep. He paced far away from the sleeping boys who were all snoring.

Carlos scratched his head and then started chewing his thumb. He wanted to scream so bad because of his anxiousness.

He had been like this all night, thinking about everything, about Kendall, about James, about Logan, about his problems, but he just needed it so bad. So bad! He can't stop, he doesn't know how to and he didn't have the courage to asked anybody for help, he didn't wanted to because then they will asked. They will ask about what was making him do this things and he didn't wanted to tell them because they will never believe him.

This is it.

He can't take it anymore.

He is got to do it and nobody is going to stop him.

Carlos looked up at the guys and saw that they were still sleeping. He let out a sigh of relief and made his way toward the emergency kit. The Latino kneeled in front of it and opened it. He looked up to make sure the guys hadn't waked up then started digging on the things that were inside of it.

"No…no…no…" He muttered to himself putting away the things that didn't work for him away.

Soon a huge smile spread on his face when he saw a small pocket knife in the emergency kit.

He grabbed it and made his way toward a tree sitting on the ground and leaning his back on it, he looked up to make sure the guys were still asleep, they were. Carlos looked at the blade and that's when the hesitation filled his heart.

Carlos closed his eyes and rolled his sleeve up. He opened his eyes and looked at his arms. He brought the knife at his arms and pressed, sliding it to the right. The Latino smiled filling his body calming down but the need for more never ceasing.

He brought the blade to his skin once again and slide.

He cutted himself again and again and again

Memories and hurtful words coming to his mind with every cut.

When he was about to cut himself again his hand start to tremble realizing the bad thing he was doing to himself.

The Latino felt his throat burning with emotions and his breath becoming heavy, he close his eyes and held the knife tightly in his hand.

_My gosh…Carlos why are you so weak? Why do you give to temptation so easily?_

Carlos thought gripping the knife close to his chest, the knot on his throat never leaving, he was weak and he knew it, he care about what other people said and he know that words can't hurt you unless you let them do it but it's so hard, people always looked for approval from other people no matter how much they had to change and he was no exception. He always looked for approval from his friends, family, from everyone.

He closed the knife and putted it in his pocket.

He looked at the blood on his arms how it trails down his fingertips and falling to the ground.

The Latino keep staring at the blood, bad thoughts and memories never leaving. He just thought back in day when he was just a kid, how his eyes would shine when someone brought him an ice cream, he would smile with so much innocence, but now not even an ice cream could make him happy again.

Life had changed so much for him, he wasn't that kid anymore, he was just a depressed boy who was broken beyond repair, who has been humiliated, embarrassed by the people he loved but he let them do it because he know he loved them. That filling of love was deep, deep in his heart above all that crap above all the hurt he had a little of love left but slowly and painfully was fading away. He couldn't do anything to bring it back, not anymore.

He was broken beyond repair.

No one could fixed the broken heart and bring all the pieces back together.

_We are over_

That short sentence replied in his mind over and over.

_I'm so sorry Logan I didn't mean to be so mean with you…if I could I would go back to time and chance everything and make everything like it was before but I can't, I mess everything up, I ruined it._

Carlos looked at his bloody arm again and saw that the blood was drying off with the air, he sighed and brought his knees close to his chest hugging them to get a little warm.

He glazed at the sky and silently pleaded that a thunder would just kill him right there.

_I missed you, you were the one that always gave me advises in times like this._

_I missed you so much, you were the one who loved even thou I was a mess._

_I just can't stand another day without you, I need you, I need you so much. You were always the one who encourage me even when I fail and now I don't have you with me and it's all my fault._

Carlos grabbed his hair closing his eyes shut, the pain in his heart becoming even bigger but the tears will not come out.

He wasn't going to cry.

He wasn't going to be weak.

He was going to demonstrated them that he don't need help, that he could do this by his own.

_I don't need help._

_I don't need help._

Carlos rocked himself back and forth gripping his hair in his hand silently pleading that all the memories that break him so much and make him the person he is now will go away.

_I don't need help._

_I don't want it._

_I'm crumble._

_I'm broken._

_No one can make me the person I was before._

_I'm broken beyond repair._

**XXXXX**

**What's gonna happen? Who does Carlos miss? Did you like it?**

**Wow I don't know about you guys but what I love about being an author is that you can write with your heart, to write about the emotions that had been bottle up.**

**So hope you like it**

**Please, please review guys.**

**Love ya Alyssa**


	18. And the journey begins

**A/N: Hello my friends! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own BTR**

Chapter: 18

Kendall quickly woke up, when suddenly he heard a loud thud and yelped from someone.

He quickly sat up and looked around until his eyes fell on a figure on the ground.

"Gosh! Carlos, are you okay?" the blond asked standing up and making his way toward the Latino, he kneeled in front of him but Carlos still didn't looked up, he was just looking at the ground leaning his body on his knees and hands.

A wave of dizziness watched over Carlos body clouding his vision with dark spots, he shut his eyes close to make his vision clear again. He didn't tell anyone but ever since he had gone to the infirmary and after the pills accident he hadn't feel so well at all.

"I just tripped Kendall…I'm fine." He lied, getting up and smiling at his friend who sighed in relief.

"Are you sure? " Carlos nodded grinning at Kendall.

"You worry too much Kenny…" the boy said using the childish nick name they have gave the green-eyed in kinder garden.

"Of course I should…you guys are the world for me." Kendall said smiling, making a knot in Carlos throat come back, he looked down and swallowed.

_If you care so much you would know what's going on…_

"What's wrong?" Kendall asked furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

"No...nothing…just thinking…" the Latino said looking up and smiling a little at the boy in front of him.

Carlos rubbed the back of his neck filling the uncomfortable silence between the two, he sighed and looked down. Something inside of him wanted to tell the blond something is wrong but he just didn't have the courage.

"I want to go home…" Carlos suddenly mentions making the blond turn his head toward him.

"I know buddy…we will…" the blond assured his small friend.

"How are you so sure?" Carlos asked his tall friend.

"They will look for us, I know they will." The short boy groaned and scratched his head.

"But for now we got to stick together, no more fighting…" Kendall said.

_Yeah right? I'm sure that's not going to happen…_

This is crap

This is so wrong

Why was life so difficult?

Now the four of them were stuck in so place no one knew.

Yeah life can't be better.

"I think we should start walking down the hill so…Carlos can you wake the guys up…while I put all the things together?" Kendall hopefully at Carlos, the short boy nodded and made his way toward Logan kicked his leg.

"Ouch! Dude!" The pale boy exclaimed sitting up and start rubbing his throbbing leg.

"Wake up..." Carlos muttered walking toward James now, he kneeled beside the boy and start shacking him gently.

"You didn't have to be all aggressive…" Logan whispered angry.

"Hey we are not friends anymore so why should I be gentle with _you_!" Carlos whispered back with the same angry tone, he gave Logan a last glare before turning his attention toward the sleeping boy. He smiled a little seeing his tall friend sleeping so peacefully. He gently started shaking his friend.

"Mmm…Mommy…five mo'e minutes…" James mumbled with his eyes still close. Carlos chuckle a little and shook him again.

"Come on Jamie is time to wake up…"

"No…"

"Yes…"

"No…"

"Jamie if you don't wake up I will break your lucky comb." As soon as Carlos said that James eyes slowly open up, Carlos smile and carefully help the injured boy sit up.

"But my…head hurts…" James groaned, grabbing his head with his hand.

"I know buddy but we got to get out of here…"Carlos said quietly at his friend who groaned a little.

"Are you guys ready?" Kendall comes back with the things in his hand. Carlos nodded and stood up grabbing some things from the tall boy arms, Logan sighed and did the same thing. Kendall gave them a smile.

The blond take step forward and help James stand up, putting one of the injured boy arms around his neck.

"And the journey begins…" Carlos mumbled walking forward with a frown on his faces.

**XXXXX**

**A/N: It's kind of crappy but hope you guys like this chapter.**

**Please review guys**

**Love ya**

**Alyssa**


	19. Secrets

**A/N: Alright this chapter is kind of short but I hope you guys like it. I just want to say that you guys are amazing thanks so much for all the reviews you had made on my story, I really appreciate it a lot.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

Chapter: 19

It hurts.

It hurts when your best friend is hurting and you can't do anything about it.

You blame yourselves because you didn't notice before and the only thing you think you can do is point fingers and avoid the pain you are filling.

But then everything gets out of control when you break even more the broken heart. The pieces shatter to the ground and you can't do anything to bring it back. It's like when you broke your mom favorite jar and you don't want to have the blame for it, you always tried to hide and not be part of the problem.

But you can't hide.

You know you can't and you fill like you are going insane.

That's how Logan Mitchell felt this time. He felt the emotion getting the best of him making him act like total a jerk.

The anger, disappointment, guilt, hurt was eating him inside and he felt even more miserable when Carlos said those words to him and that's when everything snapped and what he said made everything worst. He shouldn't have said those things to the boy, he knew it. But he couldn't control it, he was so mad at that moment that the words just spilled out of his mouth and he regret it.

He sighed and turned his head toward Carlos, his eyebrows furrow with concerned when he saw the tan boy stumbling and grabbing the side of a tree to compose himself.

"Carlos…" Logan said walking toward the boy.

"What?" The Latino boy asked without lifting his head up from where he was leaning on the tree.

"Are you okay?" He asked concerned.

"What are you going to start being friendly now?" The tan boy question, chuckling a little but Logan choose to ignore the question.

"Do you…maybe want to rest?" Logan asked with a friendly toned, Carlos slowly turned around eyebrows furrowed with confusion but he nodded his head anyway.

"Hey… Kendall?" The pale boy called his friend who was helping James walk and quickly jogged toward him, just when he approached him Kendall and James turn around.

"Yeah?"

"Can we rest for a while? Carlos is a little tired." Logan said pointing toward the tan boy who had sat on a rock already.

"Yeah, we can do that." Kendall said nodding his head and made his way toward Carlos with James beside him who looked uncomfortable.

The guys sat on the ground close to Carlos, the silence consumed them and it turns out a little awkward.

"Well this is awkward." The blond blurred out and the guys nodded their head in union agreeing with their leader.

Soon the awkwardness was replace by a familiar hummed coming from somebody the guys turned their head toward the sound and smile when they saw James humming their song with his eyes closed, they jumped when he started screaming the lyrics and then humming it again. The guys stared at the tall boy for a while before they started laughing out loud.

"You know is always funny when he have a concussion." Carlos said laughing a little at his injured friend.

"Yeah…do you remember last time, he told your dad he looked hot with his police uniform." Kendall said laughing at the memory.

"That was the weirdest day of my life." Logan commented chuckling a little while Carlos just remained quiet.

"Talking about your dad…how's your dad doing?" Kendall asked the Latino who look up with a nervous expression.

"M-my dad?" He asked nervously making Logan raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah…how's your dad doing about you know…" the blond said.

"H-he…he is fine…"Carlos said finding interesting his fingernails and started playing with them.

_Nervous reaction…he is hiding something…_Logan thought looking at his friend closely.

"What about you?" Kendall asked concern.

"Me? I'm fine…"Carlos said with a high-pitched voice laughing nervously before glazing everywhere but the guys with a nervous expression, Kendall gave the boy a sad smile and turned to check on James, Logan watched the Latino and sighed…_why does he get so nervous when we talked about his dad...is something going on with him…_

"Maybe we should keep going…"Carlos said standing up and stretching his arms in the air, the guys agree and started picking everything once again. Kendall walked toward James and picked him up.

"Your hair is pretty." James said reaching up to touch Kendall hair but the blond waved it away.

"I shouldn't have mention it to Carlos did I?" Kendall whispered to Logan remember how the Latino act.

"No…he was jumping up and down when you mention it." Logan said with sarcasm.

"You your sarcasm hurt sometimes…" Kendall said glaring at Logan.

"Logan is a meany…" James mumbled making the blond chuckled a little.

"I'm agree with him." The tall boy said smiling at his shorter friend. Logan couldn't help but smile at the blond and stick his tongue at him.

**XXXXXXX**

**What's Carlos hiding? What's up with his dad? Tell me guys what do you think.**

**I just want to say that I'm so proud about my boys from BTR! I was hearing their new song 'Intermission' while I dance with my dog Coco…is that weird? Well anyway I love their new song can't wait for their second album.**

**So hope you guys liked this chapter.**

**OH! Please review *puppy face***


	20. Together

**HOLA! Got a surprised for you guys in this chapter!**

**So enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I sadly don't own Big Time Rush**

Chapter: 20

"Are we there yet?"

"Logan I'm tired let's take a break."

"My feet are getting numb."

"At least you are not carrying someone."

"Are you calling me fat?"

"Well you are not that light James!"

"Logie, he called me fat."

Logan rub his temples filling a headache coming soon, hearing his friends complaining through the whole walk was making him crazy, he could burst at any moment.

"At least my hair is prettier than yours."

"Oh come on James you don't what you are talking about you have a concussion."

"Hey! Stop insulting me you are the one with a concussion."

Logan kept walking hearing his friend ridiculous fight. He glazed at Carlos and smile spread on his face when he saw the boy smiling with amusement.

Suddenly he felt more confident, he took a deep breath and walk toward the boy, Carlos looked up with a confuse expression.

"Are you tired?" The pale boy asked concerned but Carlos just shook his head and looked away.

"Seriously Logie lets take a break." Kendall whined with desperation giving his best puppy eyes but failing miserably when he heard a frustrated groan.

"Please shut up guys! I'm getting a headache from hearing you guys whining and complaining all the time." Logan replied glaring at the two boys.

"You don't have to worry about that we are here." Carlos said excited before he took off running Kendall and James following behind. Logan looked up at the scene and a gasped left his lips at the beauty of the place.

He walked closer and the sight was even more amazing, they were palm trees everywhere and you could see the blue ocean.

"This adventure is going to be interesting." Logan mumbled walking to the desert place.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Later that afternoon everything was quiet since James and Kendall where past out on the ground after spending the whole day making a little house with palms and rocks to spend the night in.

Logan looked around looking for a certain person, his eyes land on figure beside the water and he decided that it was the perfect time to talk to him. He took a deep breath and walked toward Carlos. He raised an eyebrow when he saw the boy holding a familiar picture between his fingers.

"You still have that picture?" Carlos jumped by the sudden voice and quickly hid the photo in his wallet.

"Yeah…I can't get rid of it even if I want to…is the only thing I got since my dad…" he stopped suddenly when he notice he was giving to much information but that didn't stop Logan from being confuse.

"What?"

"No never mind." Carlos replied quickly sighing when the pale boy sat beside him the filling of loneliness going away.

"It's being hard I know…I saw how uncomfortable you got when Kendall start talking about it." Logan said looking at the water.

"You have no idea…." Carlos mumbled but loud enough for Logan to hear it. The pale boy sighed and scooter closer to his sad friend.

"You missed her a lot don't you?" Logan asked concerned.

"I do…I know it's been a long time but it seems like it was yesterday that she was gone." The Latino said quietly filling the weight from his shoulder going away when he talked about his fillings with someone he trust.

"I'm sorry dude…"

"No, it's okay…well it's not okay but you get what I mean right?" Logan nodded, dropping an arm around his friend shoulders and motioning for Carlos to keep talking.

"Sometimes…I fill like she will walk into the room and it hurts when you relies that is not going to happen." Carlos voice cracked at the end, he looked down shutting his eyes close trying to keep his tears away but failing when a single tear run down his cheek. Logan saw these and held the boy tighter.

"You are going to be okay Carlos…I'll be here for you."

"That's what I don't understand. Why are you being friendly with me when I don't deserve it?" Carlos asked looking at Logan in the eye.

"Carlos I'm the one who doesn't deserve a friend like you. I'm so sorry from being a jerk and telling you does things the other day…I don't have the right to do that." Logan said eyes shining with tears.

"I'm sorry too…I don't hate you…I love you, you are my best friend." Carlos softly said, a smile spread on Logan face and he tackle Carlos with a big bear hug.

"I love you too buddy…and I'm so sorry you had to go through this but we make it through together."

"Yeah…together."

"No more fighting"

"No more."

"When get the feeling that you want to do something that is going to hurt you please tell me."

"But-"

"Dude we got to stop that and you know it." Logan said firmly pulling away from the hug and looking at Carlos in the eye, the Latino took a deep breath and nodded closing his eyes before Logan tackle him with another hug.

"Together everything is possible."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**A/N: Awwwww finally Cargan I couldn't stand having my boys fighting any longer this was my surprise making them friends again for know WUHAHAHA!**

**Sorry for being crazy I'm kind of hyper.**

**Hope you guys like this chapter!**

**Please review guys!**

"


	21. Walking away is not the best idea

**A/N: Okay I'm seriously sorry for not updating last Sunday. I did write a chapter but after reading it a few times I realized that it was horrible and you guys didn't deserve that so I erase it and write another one and hopefully I will updated on Sunday. So hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

**Oh and also this chapter is dedicate to 1IzzyHenderson who want a little of Logan angst**

**Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Big Time Rush .**

Chapter: 21

It has been a long time since the plane crash or at least it felt like it.

They were tired, hungry and thirsty. They had only survived in that place with coconuts and other types of fruits and things were not getting better.

Logan walked inside of the small shelter and saw his friend James laying there with a frown on his face.

"Hey…" he greeted his friend who turned his head toward the sound of Logan's voice but he moan at the pain that shot through his head.

"…hi" James said when the pain cease a little.

"How are you filling dude? You look a little pale." Logan said giving the boy a concern look, a frowning at the boy pale complexion.

"I'm fine…just a little hungry." James said quietly making Logan frown, he wish he could something for his friend but he was helpless on the situation. Then an idea pop in his head.

"Don't worry buddy I will bring you food." He said determinate.

"How?"

"I'm smart I will find a way Jamie." He said giving the hurt boy a smile.

"My head hurts…" James whimpered gripping his head and rubbing it a little.

"I know buddy…but soon they are going to find us and then we are going back home and your head is not going to hurt anymore."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Logan gave James a reassuring smile before he step out of the shelter. He want to screamed so bad things where not getting better. First, Carlos was rebuilding his walls the one that stop Logan from getting closer to the truth or worst his heart. Kendall was still his gullible self not seeing that his best friend was suffering in silent. And there was James, the boy had a concussion and Logan Mitchell the future doctor couldn't do anything only wait for a miracle that might or not became true.

The boy saw his friends Kendall and Carlos sitting side by side talking quietly to each other Logan couldn't help but frown at the fact that Kendall had the trouble boy in front of him and he still didn't notice the way the Latino would hide his arm from him or how his tan fingers were blood stained.

He wished he could helped his trouble friend so bad but he couldn't make him stop but he was sure that his going to be there every step he make to help him stop even when the boy didn't want his helped. He was going to help him.

He sighed and walked inside of the woods without the boys finding out if they knew that h had been walking alone in this place they would probably freak and give him a lecture and that couldn't happened his was the one supposed to give lectures about security and here he was ignoring his own advise about not separating from the group.

But he had to do this if he didn't clear his mind he would probably burst at any minute and beside he needs to find food for his friends.

He grabbed a colorful flower and started leaving a trail he wasn't going to be stupid and get lost because then he would be in big troubles, when he couldn't heard the ocean anymore he sat on a rock and looked down at his dirty jean.

_What are we going to do? Everything is so messed up._

Logan thought .

He just wanted answer to his question.

Why was life so difficult? Things should be easy they were just teenagers they shouldn't be leaving this. They really should not.

He frown and grab a stone from the ground and throw it with all his strength, something colorful caught his eyes, something colorful. Curiously he stood up and made his wave toward it. A smile spread on his face when he realized what the things were .They were fruits. He laughed to himself and eagerly grabbed the fruit.

He stop when he heard something weird on the bushes, he grabbed another slowly. He raised an eyebrow when he heard the noise again but then something appeared in front of him looking him directly in the eye and his body froze.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Did you hear that?" Carlos asked snapping his head toward a noise.

"No?" Kendall replied looking confuse.

"Really? I swear I heard something." He assured his blond friend.

"What did you heard?"

"Someone scream…" but before Kendall could said anything Carlos stood up and run toward the shelter. Kendall raised an eyebrow and stood up as well and saw the Latino turned around with unreadable expression.

"Where's Logan?" Carlos asked looking around, Kendall looked around to and soon he felt something built at the tip of his stomach and he started to worry.

"I don't know he should be here!" Kendall said a little too loud and storm toward the woods.

"Kendall! Wait! You don't know where he is!" Carlos screamed running after the blond.

"I don't care! We need to find Logan!" Kendall yelled his leader mode acting up.

"But Kendall! Wait for me!" The Latino screamed running faster to catch the boy pace.

"Then hurry up!" and he did but his body collided with another one, when Kendall stop walking and completely froze making Carlos stand still.

"Did you hear that?" Kendall asked nervously.

"Yeah…"

"LOGAN! WHERE ARE YOU?" The blond screamed for his lost friend his body filling with fear when he hear it again, someone sobbing in the distant.

"I hear it again…" Carlos whispered scare and Kendall nodded.

"Come on…" He grabbed the boy left wrist and started jogging toward the sobbing sound.

Carlos whimpered at the sudden contact his face twisting with pain by the tight gripped coming from Kendall but he managed to stay at the same pace as the blond boy and not tripped on his feet.

The sobbing sound closer and closer until the two saw him.

"LOGAN!"

**XXXXXXX**

**A/N: What do you guys think happen to Logan? Do you guys hate a gullible Kendall? **

**Tell me what you think about this chapter guys.**

**Who got Elevate? I love their new album those guys can't stop impressing me by the way my favorite song is Invisible.**

**Please, please review guys.**

"


	22. Did Kendall find out?

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Big Time Rush**

Chapter: 22

"LOGAN!" Kendall screamed when he saw the boy in the ground gripping his leg while he sobbed. The blond run toward his friend and fell to his knees beside him but the boy was still crying not seeing the boy beside him just concentrating on the strong pain.

"Dude what happened?" Carlos came back to reality when he heard Kendall asking that, then he quickly run toward the boy and putted his head on his lap.

"A-a s-snake bit me. Gosh it hurts so bad!" the boy said with a broken sobbed. Kendall and Carlos exchanged worried glazes. Kendall gently took Logan hand away from the bite and he felt like fainting when saw the boy hand was cover with blood.

"Okay Logan you need to calm down and tell me what to do because seriously I don't know what to do." Kendall said nervously grabbing Logan's ankle and put it on his lap.

"B-but it h-hurts" Logan cried grabbing Carlos hand for comfort.

"Logan breath…just take deep breaths and tried to calm down okay." Carlos said stroking the boy short hair with his other hand, Logan nodded and started to take deep breaths. Suddenly Logan's eyes went wide and he quickly sat up.

"You guys left James alone with a concussion!" Logan yelled glaring at the boys.

"Darn it!" Kendall exclaimed and Logan began to cry again slumping back in Carlos lap. The Latino sighed and started stroking the boy hair.

"Y-you guys are so s-stupid"

"Yeah…kind of…" Kendall agreed, Logan sniffled and grabbed the tan boy hand when he noticed something weird.

"Carlos you are hot…" Logan said quietly touching the boy hand, Carlos look at him with confusion nd turned his glaze toward Kendall and gave him a nodded.

Kendall sighed and stood up, he bend down and gather Logan in his arm carrying him bridal style. Logan whimpered and buried his face on Kendall shoulder. Carlos stood up to and looked around quietly cursing under his breath.

"Um…Kendall we got a problem." He said softly turning to face his friend.

"Now what?"

"We didn't leave a trail."

"I-I left one…walk to the right a-and follow the red flower petals trail." Logan said quietly, Kendall sighed in relief and start walking.

XXXXXXXXX

Kendall took a deep breath and placed a whimpering Logan on the ground beside the emergency kit. He opened it and grabbed some gauge and a few things he might need.

"Kendall I will get this…make sure that James is ok." Carlos said grabbing the things from the blond hands.

"Are you sure you know what you are doing?" Kendall asked looking at Logan who was wiping his tears.

"Yean don't worry buddy." Carlos said with a smile and turned around to the hurt boy. Kendal frowned and walked inside of the shelter where his saw his tall friend curled on a ball on the floor.

"Jamie…"

"Y-you guys left me…" James said with a whimpered, Kendall sighed and sat beside the boy and stroked his hair.

"I'm so sorry James…I'm never ever gonna do that again….I swear I'm never going to leave you again"

XXXXXXXXX

After cleaning Logan's wounded, Carlos grabbed the gauge and start wrapping it around the boy ankle.

"Are you _sure_ you know what you are doing Carlos?" Logan asked whimpering when Carlos' finger brushed against the wound.

"I have done this before Logie"

"I wonder why…" Logan mumbled quietly under his breath, Carlos stared at him for a second and then shook his head and continued to wrap the boy ankle.

"Good thing it wasn't a venom snake." The Latino said quietly.

"But it still hurt you know."

"Well is better than having venom on your vein." Logan stared at the Latino finding his face an unusual pale complexion.

"Are you feeling sick?" Logan blurted out staring at the boy who was staring back with shock by the sudden question.

"Um…no…" Carlos putting his focus back on the gauge and cut it, he gently placed Logan feet on the ground. He stood up and sat beside the pale boy. As soon as he sat down, Logan reached out and put his hand on the boy forehead filling the warm the radiated from it.

"Carlos you have a fever." Logan said taking his hand away and staring at the boy with concern.

"Logan I'm fine…you probably should worry more about yourselves." The pale boy thought for a minute.

"Carlos show me your arms." The Latino eyes went wide as he stared at Logan in horror.

"What? Why?" Carlos asked a little too loud.

"I want to see something."

"B-but-"

"Know!" Logan exclaimed and Carlos shoved his hands on the boy chest.

"Carlos your left arm." Logan said putting his right arm away.

"Um…Logan…" Carlos laughed nervously but Logan gave him a stern look. The Latino gulped and took his left arm out of his back. Quickly Logan grabbed it and pulled his sleeve up and inspected the cuts. Carlos closed his eyes and prayed that his friend would leave him away.

"Yeah just what I expect…" Logan said frowning.

"W-what is it?"

"You are developing an infection." He simply said and Carlos eyes went wide and he yanked his arm away from Logan's gripped and stared at it.

"It's impossible I have never got one." He exclaimed, Logan sighed and grabbed his arm again.

"Well that happens when you are exposed to the dirt and wait a minute!" Logan eyes went wide bringing the boy arm closer to his face and Carlos closed his eyes knowing what was about to come.

"These cuts are fresh." He said gritting his teeth and looking up at Carlos who just smile innocently.

"Why are these cuts fresh?" He question Carlos yanked his arm away for the second time.

"Well Logie is a really funny story." Carlos said laughing nervously.

"I don't find it funny Carlos this is serious stop playing with your life."

"I'm not playing with anything."

"Carlos you really need help."

"I don't want help." He said in a dangerous low voice.

"B-But why are you doing this? I just want to know why!"

"I don't want to talk about it." Carlos said looking at the ground with hate on his voice.

"I just don't understand you said you will stop!"

"No, I said I would _try" _Carlos corrected but Logan just glared at him.

"Then why don't you try!" Logan said and Carlos grew silent, he looked down and started playing with his fingers

"…I'm not that strong Logie…" Carlos said softly and the pale boy looked at the boy with sympathy.

"Yes you are…you just need to try Carlitos." Logan said softly and scooter closer to the boy gritting his teeth at the pain it cause on his ankle.

"Would you give it to me?" The pale boy asked extending his hand. Carlos took a deep breath and with shacking hands he reached to his pocket and grabbed his knife and he looked at it for a minute and looked back at Logan who was waiting patiently.

"Give it to me please?" He pleaded and the Latino obeyed defeat. Logan putted it on his pocket and slide an arm around his friend.

"Please don't tell Kendall…" Carlos whispered

"B-but Carlos-"

"Please don't tell him"

"Ok I won't but if you do this again I will Carlos." Logan said firmly.

Little did they know that a certain green eye and blond was hearing everything they said.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**A/N: So what do think? Do you think Kendall finally find out or is still oblivious? **

**Well hope you guys like this chapter.**

**Please review it always make me happy.**

"


	23. Please tell me

**A/N: Hello my friends! I don't have a lot to say so enjoy this chapter**

**Disclaimer: I don't know BTR.**

Chapter: 23

Kendall stood there motionless still not believing what he just saw and heard. He stared at the pair and saw Carlos leaning his shoulder on the pale boy. The blond reached to his arm and pinched his skin to make sure he wasn't dreaming but sadly he wasn't.

He turned around and saw his friend James sleeping curled in a small ball on the floor. He sat there and stared at his lap in a dazed.

_I can't believe it, he lied to me._

He thought anger boiling inside of him, tears came to his eyes and he tried to fight it away.

_How could I be so stupid? _

He furiously wiped a tear drop. He saw it but he still didn't do anything, he saw how weird he was, how he was drifting apart from them but he just didn't want to believe. He didn't want to face the truth and when he asked him if anything was wrong he said no and he believe him. He trusted him.

"Kenny? Are you crying?" When his head shut up he was met by concern and confused hazel eyes.

"No James…don't worry buddy…" He said sniffling and shaking his head. He sighed and grabbed the blanket and wrapped James with it. He turned around and brought his knees to his chest and buried his face in his knees.

James furrowed his eyebrows with concern when he saw his friend shoulder were shacking, even with a concussion he knew something was wrong.

"Kenny get in the blanket with me is getting cold…" James said in a soft voice making the blond jump. Kendall brought a shacking hand to his eyes and wiped his tears away. He stood up and lay under the blanket beside his best friend.

He hadn't cried like this for a long time, the last time he did it was when his father died when he was 7 years old.

_Gosh I'm so stupid, he was hurting all this time and I didn't do anything about it._

He bit his leap to keep from crying but his shoulders shook even more. He clapped a hand over his mouse to muffle his sob, it helped just a little but he still felt James eyes on him. The tall brunet scooter closer to his friend and wrapped an arm around him. He brought him closer and Kendall buried his face on his chest.

"Shh everything is going to be okay"

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was the middle of the night and Kendall still couldn't sleep. Carlos and Logan had gotten inside of the shelter a long time ago. He stared at the ceiling unable to close his eyes for more than a minute. The guilt was eating him alive. No matter what he thought that if he knew before about all this mess Carlos has been going through or if would have believe on James and Logan when they told him something was wrong with the Latino maybe he could have help Carlos and Logan wouldn't be alone in all of this.

He closed his eyes for a moment, he was slowly drifting to sleep when he heard something moving. Kendall opened his eyes and saw a black figure moving toward Logan. When the person was about to take something out of Logan pocket, Kendall clear his throat and the person jumped a little.

"Carlos? What are you doing?" Kendall asked but he knew what he was doing, he was taking out the knife he gave to Logan.

"Oh…Kendall I-i didn't know you were awake…" Carlos whispered sounding nervous quickly taking his hand out of Logan pocket.

"I just can't sleep…now answer question what are you doing?" Kendall demanded.

"Um…I-I…was…making sure Logan had enough blanket to keep him warm." Carlos lied and he quickly grabbed the large blanket bringing it a little up to Logan's shoulder. Kendall stared at Carlos for a moment feeling the tears coming to his eyes again.

_I wish you will just stop lying and tell me what's really wrong._

"…okay…" Kendall simply replied and lay down again.

"Okay?" Carlos mumbled and kept staring at Kendall.

"You should sleep…" the blond said looking at the ceiling.

"Goodnight Kenny." Carlos said lying down.

"…night…"

XXXXXXXX

Carlos opened his eyes failing in his attempt to sleep. He stand up quietly and make his way outside, everything was quiet, so peaceful just how like he like it to be. He sighed contently and walked toward the chore and sat on the floor.

He watched with amazement how the sun started to come out to make bright another day.

"Is beautiful isn't it?" Carlos jumped and slowly turned around and saw Kendall standing there.

"Yeah…" he agreed looking at the beautiful scene.

"Couldn't sleep?" Kendall asked sitting beside him on the floor.

"Yeah…"

"Me either" Kendall replied looking at the ground. "Can I ask you something?" Kendall asked looking up at the Latino who was looking at him with confusion.

"Yeah? What is it?" Carlos asked hesitantly. Kendall thought for a moment choosing in whether or not he should ask him.

"D-do you remembered a few days ago? Do you remember the promise you make me?" The blond asked and Carlos looked at him with wide eyes.

"Y-yeah...why?" Carlos asked mentally slapping himself for asking the question and he notice the blond hesitated before answering.

"B-because y-you hadn't kept that promise very well…" Kendall answered looking at Carlos pale face.

"I-I no-" Carlos tried to explain but was cut off by a furious Kendall.

"Don't tried to lied to me I'm tired of your stupid lies!" Kendall yelled furious, Carlos close his mouth and looked at the blond with a shock and hurt expression wondering how his blond friend found out.

"H-how do you know that?" He asked quietly and Kendall took a deep breath.

"I heard you talking with Logan…" Kendall replied tears coming to his eyes.

"Oh…"

"Please Carlos…please tell me that I heard wrong and that you are not doing that to yourselves…please tell me is not real…" Kendall pleaded standing up tears falling from his eyes.

Carlos looked down and looked down.

This was the end.

No more lies anymore.

"I'm sorry Kendall…" He said looking down and closed his eyes when he heard the blond let out a broken sob.

"B-but you promise me that everything was alright! I trust you Carlos!" Kendall said crying, he felt so heart broken.

"K-kendall you don't understand." Carlos said standing up.

"Then make me understand! Tell me why are you doing this!" He said grabbing Carlos arm and yanking his sleeve down his cuts completely exposed.

"I can't." Carlos said taking his arm out of Kendall grip.

"Screw you Carlos!" Kendall yelled angrily walking away.

"Kendall-"

"Shut up Carlos I don't want to talk to you right know!" He screamed turning his back and walking away leaving a heartbroken Carlos.

**XXXXXX**

**A/N: Kendall knows! What going to happen know?**

**Hope you guys like this **

**Review please**

"


	24. Leader

**A/N: Hello beautiful people hope you are enjoying my story so far. I love you guys so much thanks for the support and for all your awesome reviews. You guys Rock!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

Chapter: 24

How you ever felt that your world was crumbling around you?

That living wasn't worth anymore.

"Kendall…" Carlos murmured, he sat down his feet were too weak to support his wait anymore.

He thought that everything inside of him was already broken but he knew he was wrong when something exploded inside of him and he was sure that it was his heart. He curled himself in a small ball but nothing was comforting for him anymore.

He trailed his fingers through the numerous cuts that were on his arms and realized that this was it.

No more lies.

No more secrets.

He didn't have the need to cover his cuts anymore. He didn't have the need to hided who he is, a broken shell.

Carlos stopped moving his fingers in one cut and tear the scab from it making blood pour out from the cut, this make his stomach sick this was the reason they hate him so much right now and he still do it. Why didn't he have the will to stop when it was breaking him so much.

He felt his sanity slipped slowly from his finger.

XXXXXXXX

Logan waked up when the stung on his ankle grew stronger. He sat up and gritted his teeth. He took several deep breathes to make the pain cease a little and make his body relax.

When his body relax a little bit he looked around and saw that the only person in the shelter was James.

Logan furrowed his eyebrows in concerned while he stared at the sleeping figured. The tall brunet was sleeping more than usual and he knew it was a concussion's symptom.

Logan sighed and stood up, trying not to support his weight on his hurt ankle. He took a deep breath and stumble out of the shelter feeling like he was running a marathon.

He looked around and spotted Carlos curled on the floor, he raised an eyebrow and stumble toward him.

"Carlos?" Logan called his friends but he didn't say anything, he didn't move. He raised his eyebrows once again and hit Carlos gently with his foot to get his attention but he soon regret doing that when his foot started stinging.

"Carlos…" He called him again but this concern dripping from his voice.

"What?" Carlos finally spoke but he sound different, his voice sound more pained than yesterday.

"Dude what's wrong?" Logan asked but Carlos ignored his friend question.

"You should be resting." He said quietly, Logan gasped when he saw something on the boy arm.

"Dude…your arm is bleeding..." Logan said touching his pocket to make sure the knife was still there, he sighed in relief when it was. He sighed knowing that taking the knife away didn't stop his friend from hurting himself. He pulled Carlos with all his strength on sitting position.

"I'm aware of that…"

"Carlos what happened? Tell me now." Logan said firmly grabbing the Latino by the chin and forcing him to make eye contact. The look that the boy gave him was filled with pain and guilt. Logan gulped and slowly took his hand away and Carlos quickly looked down.

"He knows…" He muttered and Logan raised his eyebrows in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"Kendall knows…" Carlos muttered again, Logan stared at him in shock and he quickly sat beside him and putted an arm around him to give him comfort. "He hates me…and I don't blame him I hate myself too I mean I 'm just an addict with no life…" The Latino said trailing his fingers on his cut. Logan stared him for a moment his eyes looking sad.

"Please don't say that…that's not true he doesn't hate you, he loves you." Logan tried to assured him but Carlos furiously shook his head and slowly tore another scab from his arm. Logan eyes went wide and he quickly grabbed his friend's hand to stop him from harming himself.

"Stop doing that please…" Logan pleaded but the boy refused to listen or even looked at him in the eye. "Just wait here buddy." The brunet said standing up and limping toward the box to grabbed some gauge when he got he made his way toward the Latino. He sat down again and grabbed Carlos arm in his hand.

"I don't want that." Carlos said yanking his arm away from his grasp.

"Well I don't care if you don't want it." Logan said sternly grabbing his arm again and started wrapping it. Carlos sighed and looked at his arm while his friend finished wrapping it and cut the end. Logan putted the gauge at the ground on looked at his friend with a sad expression.

"Carlos…" He stroke the boy hair, he lifted his head and looked at his friend with broken gazed. "I don't like seeing you like this buddy." Logan said but Carlos just shook his head and looked down. Logan sighed and gave his friend a warm hug even though the boy didn't hug back.

"We are gonna get through this I promise." Logan said with a comforting tone hugging his friend tighter.

But Carlos everything was a lie, he wasn't going to get through this.

In his mind his going to be stuck in the same web for his entire life.

XXXXXXX

"Kendall!" Logan limped furiously with a flashlight toward his friend who was sitting close to the chore on the darkness of the night. Kendall looked up and quickly looked down not wanting to face Logan right now. The small brunet stood in front of his friend and put his hand on his hips waiting for the blond to talk.

"I messed up didn't I?" Kendall asked playing with his fingers, Logan face softened by the guiltiness in his friend's voice.

"Yeah…" Logan said quietly sitting beside him. The silence filled the place and Logan awkwardly coughed filling a little uncomfortable.

"What didn't you tell me he was doing that?" Kendall asked breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"He begged me not to…"

"What? Why?" Kendall asked confused, Logan turned around and face his confused friend.

"He was afraid"

"Why?"

"I don't know…listen Carlos needs our help even though he doesn't want it we have to be there for him, h-he can't stop on his own I have tried everything he just won't opened up. The only thing he told me is that he missed his mom a lot but I know there's something else that he doesn't want as to find out behind all that." Logan explained, Kendall stood up finally being the leader he is.

"And we are going to find out what is it." Kendall said confident.

It was about time he started being the leader he is supposed to be and this time he not letting Carlos down.

**XXXXXXXXX**

**A/N: Okay beautiful people hope you like this chapter and please tell me what you think about it. What do you think happened to Carlos' mom? What do you thinks and Kendall and Logan going to do? Do you miss James in this chapter? (I going to bring him more in next chapter)**

**Review please**

**Love ya Alyssa**

"


	25. Break down

**A/N: Ahhhhhhh I'm so excited for this chapter I have waited for a long time.**

**So enjoy my friends.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big time rush **

Chapter: 25

_Screams and cries._

_That's all he could hear around him while he tried to open the door. He pulled and pulled but the door didn't open. He didn't give up, the person that have love him all his life was inside, slowly dying. He could see the flames starting up, his body was filling hotter and his heart beating faster but nothing was stopping him._

"_No…no please…please!" He cried pulling the door harder using all his strength tears falling from his eyes. The flames were getting bigger burning the metal and the smell of death making his body shake with sobs. He felt strong arms wrapped around him pulling him away from the car._

"_No…please let me go!" He pleaded trying to get away from the hands._

"_Come on kid I got to get you away from the car." The man behind him said pulling harder._

"_NO!"_

XXXXX

Carlos snapped out of his trace and wiped a tear that had fallen down his cheek. More memories came flooding back and he just want to scream, to cry, to die.

Maybe everything would be better if he die, maybe James, Logan and Kendall would be happy again. He was just a trouble person that should not be here, he should be six-feet-under.

It was all his fault, he make his family life a living hell he knew it.

He let her die, he could have tried harder, he could have opened the door and he is never going to forgive himself ever.

Carlos looked at the knife on his hand the moon light reflecting on it. He looked at his wrapped arm and took of the gauge letting it fall on the floor and look at his arm.

Should he do it?

_Who's going to care anyway?_

He dragged the blade in his wrist and watched the crimson blood slowly slide down his wrist.

XXXXX

Logan woke up by hearing whimpers and pained moans on the shelter. He opened his eyes and rose up he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and looked around for the source that cause the noises.

"James?" He called with concerned when he saw his friend turning and moaning. He moved his hand forward and started shook his tall friend.

"No d-don't hurt him…" James mumbled on his sleep while he turned again kicking his feet.

"James woke up." The boy pleaded while hearing James whimpered in his sleep and started shaking him harder trying to shake his friend out of his nightmare.

"Carlos!" James screamed eyes flying open and he rose up quickly looking around while he gasp for air and tears come down his faces all at the same time.

"Dude calm down it was just a dream." Logan said rubbing the boy back but he suddenly noticed that the boy had started crying his body shacking with each sob. "Shh…it's okay, it's over know…" The brunet said wrapping his arms around the tall boy letting him cried on his chest while he rubbed James' back.

"What's going on?"

Logan turned around still holding an upset James and saw Kendall sitting up and rubbing his eyes. The blond blinked several times and stared at the two boys with confusion and concern.

"Why is James crying?" Kendall asked concerned scooting closer toward his friends and putted a comforting hand on the boy shoulder.

"He had a nightmare" Logan replied the blond.

"Aw was it bad buddy?" Kendall asked rubbing the boy arm, James nodded while crying.

"S-someone w-was…b-beating C-carlos in my d-dream…."James replied clutching Logan for dear life. "I c-couldn't do a-anything to s-stop it." James said sniffling and burying his face further on Logan's chest. Logan and Kendall exchanged glazes.

"Where is Carlos?" Kendall asked looking around not finding him anywhere, Logan looked around afraid, remembering how Carlos was acting earlier, he turned his gazed to his pocket slowly stinking his hand inside of it his eyes going wide when he found nothing.

"Oh no…" he whispered.

"What?" Kendall asked his eyes wide too.

"Stay here okay." He said taking James arms away from and standing up and making his way outside but he was stop by a strong arms on his shoulder. He turned around to see Kendall face drained of colors.

"If he is making something stupid stop him okay." Logan nodded and grabbed the flashlight and walked outside. He moved the flashlight around nervously even he could see that the sun was starting to come out. "Where are you?" he muttered to himself, suddenly he saw a shiny thing moving, he walked closer and his eyes went wide.

"Carlos dropped that!" he demanded when he saw Carlos with the knife moving it across he wrist. The boy didn't listen instead bringing it up toward his face toward his lip but before he could do anything Logan yanked the knife away from him.

"Hey I was using it!" Carlos exclaimed standing up fire in his eyes.

"Now you are not." Logan said holding the knife tighter while Carlos walked closer to him.

"Let me tell you something there is no place where you can hide it where I can't find it." Carlos said coldly looking at Logan dead in the eye.

"It's that a challenge?"

Carlos groaned and launched forward to grab the knife but Logan shoved him backwards and limped toward the water.

"Hey where do you think you are going?" Carlos yelled angrily running toward the pale boy, he eyes going wide when he saw Logan moving his hand back and throwing the knife on the water with all his strength. Logan turned around and putted his hand on his hips.

Carlos stared at Logan with angered and before he knew it, he was running tackling Logan to the ground completely forgetting the bite on the other boy leg.

Logan trashed around trying to get the Latino away from him but he was stranded him his hand pinned on each side of his head.

"Let me go!" Logan screamed filling the boy blood dropping on his own arm.

"No! Until you say you are sorry!"

"I'm not sorry!

"You should be!"

"Oh my god! Carlos when are you going to admit that you need help? Look at you! Look how this is changing you!" Logan screamed he stopped his trashing and looked at Carlos in the eye.

"I don't need help!" Carlos screamed angrily his gripped on Logan wrist getting tighter making the boy whimpered.

"Carlos y-you are hurting me." Logan whimpered tears going down his face, Carlos face soften but before he could react he was tackled on the ground by someone. He trashed violently and it took a minute for the person to finally pinned the angry Latino on the ground.

"Let me go Kendall!" Carlos screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Not until you tell me what's going on?"

"No!"

"Then I'm not moving." Kendall said crossing his arms over his chest still stranding Carlos. The boy tried to pull him off but he was filling too weak to do it so he just stopped and looked at the sky. Kendall sighed and looked up at Logan who was being pulled to his feet by James. "Carlos…" the boy looked up at him and Kendall swears he heard his heart breaking the boy just looked so broken so dead inside.

"I-I'm sorry so sorry for being so selfish I know you think I hate you but I don't I love you…" Kendall said tears sliding down his face.

"But I hurt you." Carlos said in a quiet voice.

"I-I…Carlos that doesn't matter right know that only one that matter is you…" Kendall said in a softer voice Carlos gulped feeling a painful not on his throat. "I just want to understand…I just want to know what's wrong…I want to protect you."

"You can't protect from everything especially from my-self."

"I know that but I would do everything I can...I would even give my life for you…"

"I'm not worth that…" Carlos said softly the knot to painful to talk louder. Kendall breath hitched on his throat, he took a deep breath to composed himself and not break down completely.

"Please don't say that you are worth everything." Kendall said sweetly but Carlos just shook his head unable to form words. The blond sighed and took his weight off of Carlos and gently sitting up him up.

"It's true."

Carlos turned toward the voice and saw James and Logan walking toward them and sitting around Carlos

"Look how bad we get when you get sad…you are like our sunshine…" James said dropping his arm around the boy shoulder, his pale face tear stained.

"…and more importantly we want our brother back." Logan commented voice breaking and he wiped his tears away. Carlos looked down tears coming to his eyes. Kendall gently grabbed Carlos hand.

"What's going on?" Kendall asked softly, Carlos took a deep breath but a tear came out and James started to rub his shoulder.

"Is it us?" Kendall asked but Carlos shook his head.

"Is it Antonio?" James guessed, this time Carlos bit his lip tears pouring out at a rapid pace.

"Is it your mom?" A whimpered came out of Carlos lip but everyone where shocked when the next question was Carlos breaking point.

"Is it your dad?" Kendall asked softly and this time a sod scape from Carlos mouth, his hand flew to his face to muffled his sobs but it didn't work.

"Come hear buddy you need a hug." Kendall said spreading his arm, Carlos launched forward and wrapped his arm around Kendall skinny frame and stared to sob even harder on Kendall chest. James and Logan moved forward to wrapping their arms around the two making it a group hug.

The guys started to cry too folding Carlos tighter in the hug letting him cried.

Finally the walls were knocked down and Carlos finally broke down.

XXXXX

**A/N: FINALLY after making you guys wait so much.**

**So what do you think? What is Carlos dad doing? Oh and by the way Antonio is Carlos brother.**

**Hope you like it and review :)**

"


	26. Losing my love

**A/N: Hello guys! And before you guys start to read this sad chapter I want to say Merry Christmas! I hope you guys have the best Christmas ever even though it's gonna be over soon anyway I send everyone some virtual hugs.**

**So enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

Chapter: 26

Carlos sobbed while hugging his best friend. The best friends he could ever have he would never replace them by anything. He felt like all he was holding in was being set free all his emotions that had always cause him to fill so depress so helpless and worthless.

He sniffled and snuggled his head onto Kendall chest filling the warmness emitting from his body. He hugged his friend tighter.

How could he be so stupid?

His friend would never hate him or leave him alone when he needed them the most they would always be here by his side.

Kendall pulled away and wiped the boy tears but more spilled on the boy cheek and the blond pulled in another bone crushing hug.

"It's going to be okay…" Kendall tried to comfort his friend.

"N-no Kendall…I-It's not…i-it's never going to be." Carlos cried making the boy frown and pulled away.

"Don't say that…don't ever said that." Kendall said looking at the boy in the eye but the boy refuse to look at him in the eye.

"But it's true…" the boy said looking down, James and Logan exchanged glazes and frown. Kendall pulled his hand under the boy chin and made him look at him.

"That's not true know tell me everything from the beginning." The blond said firmly.

"…everything?" Carlos asked hesitant.

"...everything." Carlos rubbed the back of his neck and wiped his tears, he took a deep breath.

This is it.

No more secrets.

"D-do you guys remember when we were thirteen and my mom and I got in that car accident?" Carlos asked looking at his three best friends and watched how his friends nodded hesitantly.

"It was my fault…" Carlos confessed wiping the new tears that had started falling.

"What?" the guys asked in union shocked by their friend confession

"I-I…" Carlos closed his eyes memories flooding back.

XXXXX

_Flashback _

_3 years ago…_

_Carlos stared with a frown at his homework, his teacher Mrs. Jackson had left the most difficult math homework he had seen in his entire life. He would get dizzy by just seeing the numbers._

_**I hate school…**__ Carlos though looking at his homework, he set his homework down and turned on his desk toward his classmate and best friend Logan. He tapped his friend shoulder and the 13-year old look up from his work._

"_What's wrong Carlitos?" The boy asked in a whispered not wanting to get in trouble with his angry teacher._

"_Would you help me with this? I don't understand it." The confuse boy whispered back, Logan nodded and leaned over his desk and pointed toward a number._

"_All you have to do is add-"_

_RANG!_

_The boy groaned and stood up he gather his books and put his homework on his backpack._

"_Don't worry Carlos I will explain it on the bus" The smart boy said walking with his friend toward the door._

"_Carlos." _

_Carlos turned around when the teacher called him, the little boy told his friend that he can go without him Logan nodded and walked away._

"_Yeah Mrs. Jackson?" Carlos stood in front of her desk nervously._

"_Carlos you haven't been doing good in your work…and I sorry to tell you that you failing this class." The teacher informed her student with no sympathy._

"_What?" _

"_Yes and I call your mom and we are going to have a meeting so you can wait outside." _

_**Oh no…**_

_XXXXX_

"_I can't believe you Carlos!" Silvia Garcia yelled at her son while he turned the corner with her green Honda._

"_I'm sorry mom I just don't get it." 13-year-old Carlos said referring at his difficult math subject._

"_You could have asked someone!" Carlos flinched and frowned when her mother continue to scream. "Why didn't you ask someone?"_

"_Y-you are always working…" Carlos said quietly._

"_What about Logan his smart sweetie" Her mother said her voice softer than before._

"_B-but-"_

"_No buts young man you better pass your next test or else!" the mom said not paying attention at the road_

"_MOM WATCHED OUT!" Carlos yelled when he saw a SUV coming toward them but before she could do anything the car hit her side making her car spin out of control._

_XXXXX_

_Carlos yes slipped open and he groaned when he felt the pain in his head. He looked around when the smelled of gasoline filled his nose, his eyes went wide when the accident flash through his mind again, he quickly took of his sit belt and went to check on his mother._

"…_mommy?" Carlos shook her shoulder nut her head just slumped on the broken window. The boy looked closely and saw that her mother had blood on her face. He quickly got out of the car and hissed on pain when he moved his leg. He whimpered and looked around seeing a few people staring at the car and some were calling for an ambulance._

_He rushed to her mother side of the car and stared pulling on her door ignoring everything the siren of the ambulance and people who were trying to pull him away._

_Scream and cries._

_That's all he could hear around him while he tried to open the door. He pulled and pulled but the door didn't open. He didn't give up, the person that have love him all his life was inside, slowly dying. He could see the flames starting up, his body was filling hotter and his heart was beating faster but nothing was stopping him._

"_No…no please…please!" He cried pulling the door harder using all his strength tears falling from his eyes. The flames were getting bigger burning the metal and the smell of death making his body shake with sobs. He felt strong arms wrapped around him pulling him way from the car._

"_No…please let me go!" He pleaded trying to get away from the man behind him._

"_Come on kid I got to get you away from the car." The man said pulling him harder._

"_NO MOM!" He sobbed seeing the car unfolding with flames._

_He saw how everything happen his 13-year-old heart being broken when he saw how the car was burning with his mommy inside. The firemen stop the flames and Carlos tried to run forward but the man behind him gripped him tighter taking him away toward an ambulance._

_But before the door close he saw a body being put on a gurney and then a blanket was pulled over it._

_His heart cracked._

_His mommy was dead._

XXXXX

**A/N: Sorry for hurting him liked that but I can't help it I love angst.**

**I hope you guys like it and please review.**


	27. Bruises

**Disclaimer: I don't owned BTR**

Chapter: 27

Carlos stared at his friends waiting for them to say something negative or just hit him but they didn't do anything they just stared at him with shock and as the seconds go by Carlos filled like crying again. He brought his knees to his chest and held them close while he cried on them.

Kendall snapped out of his traced and blinked a few times when he heard his friend crying again, he reached out and slowly putted an arm around his friend.

"Why didn't you tell us anything of this?" Logan asked a little sad.

"I t-thought you guys would hate me…" the boy replied quietly leaning a little on Kendall.

"How could we hate you Carlos you are our brother." James said frowning.

"B-but-"

"I know what you are thinking Carlos…I know that you think is your fault but is not."

"Yes it is Kendall!" Carlos yelled standing up and furiously wiping a tear away. "Yes it is! I f hadn't been so stupid she wouldn't not be _dead!_"

"It was accident buddy…" Logan said softly, Carlos sniffled and wiped his tear. The brunet slowly stood up and hugged him stroking Carlos hair. "It's not your fault…" Logan said softly running his hands through Carlos short hair.

"B-but he said it was." Logan quickly pulled away and stared at the boy for a few seconds.

"Who said that?" the three boys asked in union and Kendall quickly stood up as well. Carlos looked down and started playing with the hem of his shirt. Kendall putted a hand on his shoulder and the Latino lifted his head.

"Remember Carlos no more secrets." Kendall reminded him, Carlos nodded and took a deep breath.

"My dad said it's my fault…he was the only one I told what really happen but he just turn his back on me."

Then everything clicked for Kendall all the pieces were falling perfectly in place.

XXXXX

_Flashback_

_It was two months after Silvia Garcia death and this was one of the toughest months of the family Garcia life. The guys tried everything to cheer there best friend but nothing can feel the void of losing a mother._

_It was Monday and the guys were huddled up in front of Kendall locker waiting for Carlos, they were kind of worried. Yesterday Carlos was supposed to meet them at Kendall house for their usual Sunday meeting but he never show up they tried to call him but he didn't answer his phone._

"_Man where is Carlos?" James asked combing his hair with his famous lucky comb. Kendall shrugged and looked around the hall, his eyebrows furrowed with confusion when he saw a kid he never seen before, the boy was wearing a cap and a hoodie was pulled over it unable to see his face. He saw the mysterious boy walking with his head down avoiding everyone._

"_He must be new."_

"…_in the middle of the year? James don't be stupid."_

"_I'm not stupid_ Hortence._"_

"_Don't call me that! You know I don't like that name."_

_Kendall ignored his friends argument and kept an eye on the boy. He saw the boy looking down trying to hide his face from everybody but then the boy bumped into one of the biggest bully of the school, Zack._

"_Hey! Watch where you're going idiot!" Zack said harshly shoving the boy toward the locker making him dropped his books. The boy apologized looking at the floor not showing his face, Kendall eyes went wide when he saw the boy moved his fist back ready to punch the boy._

"_Leave him alone Zack!" 13-year-old Kendall walked toward them and stand in front of the boy face._

"_What are you gonna do about it _Knight_?" Zack said with an intimidating look spiting a little on Kendall face while he talk. Kendall made a disgusted face and wiped his forehead. He looked up and gave the other blond the same intimidating look._

"_You don't scare me Zack and you know that." Kendall said looking at the boy in the eye before the boy could answer him the bell rang and Zack groaned._

"_You four are lucky that I got to get to class." Zack said before turning on his heels and leaving. Kendall sighed and kneeled down to grab the boy books and stood up._

"_Here are your- Carlos?" Kendall eyes went wide when he realized who the boy really was. Carlos quickly yanked the books out of the boy hands. He quickly turned around and putted it on his locker._

"_Carlos where's your helmet?" James asked confused._

"_I-I left it on my dad's car." Carlos replied not turning around to face them._

"_Carlos turn around." The Latino shook his head, Kendall sighed once again and grabbed the boy shoulder turning him around and yanking his cap and hoodie off. Three gasp filled the once crowned hall when they saw an enormous bruise on the boy cheek._

"_Carlos what happened?" Logan asked shocked he went to touch it but Carlos quickly covered it with his hand._

"_I fell down the stairs." He explained quietly not looking at any of them in the eye._

"_But that look like a-"_

"_I felt done the stairs okay." Carlos said slamming his locker and walked away._

_XXXXX_

_That after noon the guys were at the locker getting ready for their hockey practice. Carlos looked around and took his hoodie off thinking that the only one in the locker room was him._

"_Dude hurry up we- Carlos what the heck is that?" _

_Carlos mentally slapped himself and turned around with an innocent smile._

"_What?" Carlos asked innocently._

"_That." Kendall said again touching a dark bruise on the boy forearm. Carlos flinched and the boy quickly took his hand away._

"_Oh that…" Carlos laughed a little. "It's nothing."_

"_Don't tell me is nothing dude. What really happened?"_

"_I told you I fell down the stairs."_

"_Don't give me that crap! I'm not that stupid I can clearly see that those are hand print." Kendall said referring to both bruises the one that was on the boy face and the one on his arm. Carlos putted his hoodie down and sighed in defeat._

"_Okay I will tell you but please don't freak out."_

"…_."_

"_Please?"_

"_Okay I won't." Kendall saw Carlos hesitate for a moment and then taking a deep breath._

"_T-the one who did this were the bullies close to school."_

"_What?" Kendall screamed._

"_Kendall you said you would not freak out."_

"_I don't care we gotta do something!" Kendall said walking toward the door._

"_No!" Carlos said a little too quickly putting his hands on the boy chest._

"_Carlos-"_

"_I swear Kendall is not going to happen again."_

XXXXX

Kendall stared at his friend who was sitting between James and Logan with wide eyes.

"It wasn't the bullies…" Kendall murmured and Carlos looked up at him with confusion.

"What?"

"…It wasn't the stunts."

"Kendall what are you talking about?"

"All the bruises it wasn't from any of those things…it was from him!" Kendall said angered on his voice.

"What?"

"Carlos don't act like you don't know! You know exactly what am talking about! All those bruises, cuts and split lips you got all the time it wasn't because you're a klutz! Is because he did it to you!" Both boys looked at Carlos in shocked while he just looked down.

"It all made sense! This started to happen after your mom died the same time when your dad stop going to those friends meeting with our parents, when he stop going to the hockey games or school meetings, when we even stop going to your house! It was all because of him! It was because he abused you…" Kendall said looking at the boy with sad eyes but Carlos refused to accept it.

"No…"

"Oh for god sakes Carlos just admit it!"

"No!"

"Carlos what are you scare of? We are here to protect you! Stop telling yourselves that it never happen when we know it did!"

"Okay I admit it! My dad used to bit me up!"

XXXXX

**A/N: BAM! Did you guys expect or did it surprise you? At first it got kind of difficult to write this chapter I just couldn't concentrate so I just stop, watched a dramatic movie then my inspiration return so that's why am writing at 5am.**

**Hope you guys like this chapter and please review lovably people.**


	28. Are things really getting better?

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

Chapter: 28

Silence

Silence filled the place the only thing you could hear where the wave of the ocean and Carlos whimpers. James held him closed even though the pain in his head was too much to bear.

Logan sat on the ground motionless trying to process everything while Kendall was pacing back and forth angry at himself for not finding out earlier maybe a lot of things should have been better.

"How could we not figure this out?" Logan asked more to himself breaking the silence.

"I-I was a good actor I guess and the makeup my mom used to have I found them on a box…and I kind of used it to cover some…bruises." Carlos said, James tighten his griped around the boy afraid to let go of his hurt little brother.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Kendall stopped pacing and looked at his Latino friend.

"Kendall…"

"We could have talk to the police."

"Kendall he was the police." Carlos told the blond, Kendall sighed and slumped on the ground that's right he forgot for a moment that that bastard was police officer in fact he the chief police of the crew.

"Why did he hit you anyway? You are supposed to be his younger son." Kendall said his fist clenched, Carlos gulped and looked at the ground. The raven-haired boy felt a hand rubbing his back trying to give him comfort he looked up and saw James smiling a little at him giving him the courage to continue talking.

"I-I…I always ask myself that I supposed to be his son…I guess…after mom died his love died too…" Carlos said quietly he looked down and felt a tear falling down.

How could his father hate him?

He was his son after all.

He just wished he could understand some things sometimes.

He felt a thumb on his cheek wiping his tear away. He looked up and saw Kendall in his knees in front of him. The blond let a breath and stared at his friend with sadness.

"Does Antonio know this?" Kendall asked.

Carlos has an older brother named Antonio. Antonio is in a university in New York

"No…"

"Are you going to tell him someday?" Kendall asked and Carlos just shrugged

"…if we ever get out of here."

Kendall nodded. The blond bit his lip and stared at Carlos arm. He hesitantly grabbed the boy arm, he noticed the boy tensing while he traced his fingers through the numerous cut. He took a deep breath and looked up green eyes meeting chocolate ones.

"You seriously need to stop this." Kendall said eyeing the cuts again.

James noticed Carlos sighing, he took his arm away and grabbed the boy hand, the one that Kendall wasn't holding and started rubbing his knuckles giving the boy comfort.

"What did you use?" Kendall asked in calm voice even though he was far away from it.

"A knife…Logan threw it away…"Carlos replied quietly not looking at the leader.

"Good…I just don't want to see you hurt, you are our Carlitos and we will do everything to make you fill better. Cutting is not going to help you instead is breaking you even more but promise me if you ever fill like doing it again talk to us any of us, it doesn't matter where we are what time is it just tell us okay?"

"Okay…" Carlos nodded making Kendall grinned and tackle the boy in a hug. The Latino laughed when he felt James hugging him to.

When they back away from the hug Kendall grinned and stood up.

"Come on James" Kendall called his friend.

"B-but-"

"You are coming you got a concussion and you should be resting."

"Man you sound like Logan." James grumbled standing up and walking toward the shelter, Kendall laughed and followed him behind.

Carlos chuckled and stood up he turned around and his smile faded when he saw Logan playing with the sand.

"Logan?"

"Mmm…" That's the only thing he said not even looking up from the sand.

"Are you okay?" Carlos asked walking toward him. Logan looked up and quickly put his head down. "Dude are you crying?"

"No…" Logan said quickly even though he wasn't looking he could fill Carlos staring at him. He punched the sand mountain he made and stand up. "Okay yes I am but is just…is just…you was getting hurt and we didn't even noticed that you…you were suffering in silence." Carlos hugged Logan shutting him up, while he held the hysterical boy close to him. "I just don't want to lose you"

"You are not going to lose me I promise. Everything is going to get better."

"Are you going to get better?" Carlos stayed quite for a minute before a smile spread on his face.

"Yeah I will now that I got you guys to support me. I will get better."

XXXXX

**A/N: BROMANCE! Yay! Everything is getting better! *Happy dance* and please don't forget to review.**


	29. He knew

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

Chapter: 29

BOOM! GET OUT OF YOUR MIND! BOOM GET OUT-

_Carlos groaned and rolled over on his bed to grab his cellphone he looked at the screen and saw Kendall name popping on it. He sighed and pressed the button to ignore the call his friend was making. He slowly sat up and winced when he felt pain all over his body._

"_23 calls, 11 text message, and 7 voice mails… great." Carlos sighed and slumped on his bed, he led out a loud grunt when he felt pain and tears burning on his eyes._

BOOM! GET OUT OF YOUR MIND! BOOM GET OUT-

"_I really need to change this ringtone…" he told himself, he grabbed his cell phone and answer it not even bothering to check who was calling him._

"_Hello?"_

"Carlos! Where the heck are you?" He heard Logan angry voice on the phone.

"_In my bed…"_

"Dude its 2pm and you're still in bed?" _Logan said growing worry, Carlos eyes went wide and he rolled over to see the clock that was on his nightstand but sadly fell out of his bed with a loud thud. He grunted and held his bruise arm. He looked at his phone lying beside him already hearing Logan worriedly calling for him. He gritted his teeth and grabbed his phone bringing it close to his ear._

"Carlos? Carlos! Are you alright?"

"_Yeah I just fell out of my bed." Carlos said still sprawled on the floor a pouted coming on his face when he heard his friend laughing. "It's not funny"_

"Sorry Carlos is just…that's so typical of you."

"_Whatever."_

"Anyway we were supposed to meet up at Kendall's why are you still in bed?"

"_I have a headache…" At least it wasn't a lie he did have a huge headache and falling out of bed doesn't help at all._

"Dude…Are you getting sick?" he heard concern in Logan voice.

"_No Logan is just a headache."_

"If you say so…"

"_I know so."_

"Well are you still coming?"

"_Don't worry Loges I'll be there."_

"Okay but if you don't come in 15 minutes we will go and look for you."

"_30 minutes? Great I'll be there in a hour."_

"Carlos-"

"_Bye Logie." Carlos chuckled and closed the phone. He sighed and stood up leaning his weight on the bed to help him stand. He moved his leg and walked toward his closet he grabbed some close and head to the bathroom._

_He closed the door and locket it even though he has nothing to worry about because his dad was at work. He did everything he did in the morning: take a shower, brush his teeth, get dress, brush his hair, and hide all the bruises._

_He stood in front of a mirror and winced at the purple bruise that was on his cheek._

_How did he get it?_

_Well let's just said that yesterday wasn't one of his luckiest days._

_He bent down to grab the makeup that was hidden behind some bathroom supplies and started applying on the bruise._

"_This is the unmanliness thing I have ever done in my life." Carlos muttered to himself finishing his job, he stared at his cover bruise and gave a satisfied shrugged. He slowly walked out of his bathroom and putted his converse on. _

_He made his way down stairs and walked out of the door. He brought his jacket closer to his broken body when a strong wind blew. _

_He started to strode on the snowy sidewalk toward Kendall's house that was just two blocks away from his house._

_He passed the park and saw some kid playing with his mom. _

"_Gosh I miss you mom I wish you could be here with me" Carlos said, he turned on his heels and started walking again hand buried on his pocket. He felt tears coming to his eyes and he quickly squeezed his eyes shut not wanting the tears to spill._

Come Carlos don't be such a crying baby this makeup is not waterproof and the last thing you want is people finding out that you're getting bit up. _Carlos thought to himself fighting the tears away._

_Carlos looked up and saw Kendall house, he walked through the snowy yard and toward the front door. He took a deep breath and knocked on it soon a blonde teenage open the door. He was pulled inside of the house and before he could react he was sated on the couched and know three boys were standing in front of him with their arms cross over their chest._

"_What's going on?" asked Kendall the overprotective leader. Carlos opened his mouth to answer the blond but was interrupted by his other friend._

"_Logan said you sound kind of sick…Are you sick?" _

"_Don't even bother James he won't tell you." Logan said looking down at the boy, Carlos opened his mouth once again but sound didn't come out from it instead a thermometer was shoved in his mouth.. The guys wait a minute and Logan took the thermometer out when he heard a beep. He held it in front of his face and soon a smile spread on his face._

"_Well you don't have a fever I guess is just a headache." Logan said happily, Kendall sighed in relief but James just kept his serious expression._

"_That's what I was going to tell you." Carlos said pouting._

"_Well then James go get the blankets and Kendall get the movies I will go make popcorns and you don't move." The smart boy instructed his friend and walked away. Carlos scowled and threw his arms over his chest. He winced at the sudden contact and took a deep_ _breath. He looked up and was surprised when he saw James staring at him he quickly pulled his act up and smiled at the pretty boy but James just shook his head and stumped out of the room. _

"_What's wrong with James?" Carlos asked confuse. Kendall turned around movies gathered in his hands then shrugged his shoulders._

"_Don't mind him he had been acting like that all this morning." Kendall said popping the movie inside of the DVD._

"…_really?" _

"_Yeah I tried to talk to him but he is really stubborn." Kendall said flopping on the couch._

"_Just like you…" Carlos said with a chuckled, Kendall turned his head around and glare at the Latino._

"_I am not stubborn."_

"_Yes you are Kendall."_

"_No I'm not."_

"_Yes you are"_

"_No I'm not."_

"_Yes."_

"_No!"_

"_Yes!"_

"_NO!"_

"_Y-" _

_The argument quickly stopped when a thick blanket was thrown at them. The two boys took the blanket of their heads and glare at James who was now sitting on the couch laughing a little bit at them._

"_Alright I got the popcorns ready, Kendall put the movie." Logan said walking inside of the room and setting the bowl of popcorns on the small table. Kendall nodded and grabbed the remote putting play on the movie._

_Fifteen minutes through the movie Carlos eyes started to drop. He was filling so tired last night and it did help a lot that his dad bit the crap out of him and made him clean the whole house. Carlos putted his head on Kendall shoulder closing his eyes and letting sleep overtake him._

_XXXXX_

_Boom!_

_Carlos eyes flew open he sit up and look around his eyes landing on three boys who were sitting in front of the TV playing video games._

"_Ha! You're so dead Logan!"_

"_James shut up! You are gonna wake Carlos up!"_

"_Ooops…too late." He heard Kendall say, he rubbed his eyes and yawn a little._

"_I slept through the whole movie?" Carlos asked, Logan pause the game and sat beside him on the couch._

"_Yeah you were passed out dude." Logan said._

"_What time is it?"_

"_6pm"_

"_6pm!" Carlos eyes went wide and he stood up, walking toward the door._

"_Carlos, where are you going?" He heard James asking._

"_I'm late my dad is bringing a friend home." He walked out of the door._

"_Wait!" Carlos heard James walking out following him, the Latino turned around eyes meeting nervous ones._

"…_yeah?" He asked softly._

"…_t-take care of yourself." James said nervously playing with the hem of his shirt and looking at the ground. Carlos raised his eyebrow at the unusual attitude his friend was showing._

"_I will try…"Carlos told his worried friend, the brunet nodded and quickly walked inside._

XXXXX

"Carlos!"

Carlos snapped out of his trace and saw Kendall waiving his hand in front of his face.

"Sorry I zoned out."

"You have been doing that a lot." Kendall said sitting beside of the boy.

Carlos zoned out again and forrow his eyebrows.

He never thought of that day, he always thought that James was being paranoid. But now that he thinks about it maybe he always knew about it, maybe he always knew that he was getting bit up.

Then it hit him

James always knew.

He was brought back to reality when he felt Kendall moving his hand around his shoulder. Suddenly Kendall turned around and looked at the boy in confusion.

"Carlos?" The Latino turned around and Kendall quickly putted his pale hand on the boy forehead. "Dude you're burning up." Kendall said touching the boy face.

"Really?" Carlos asked touching his hand as well.

"Do you want me to call Logan." Carlos shook his head they stayed like that for a few minutes until he heard a huge grumble on the boy stomach

"Wow you sound hungry." Carlos said with a smirk, Kendall blush and bit his lip nodding his head. Carlos smirk got bigger and he stood up ignoring the dizziness that he felt.

"Where are you going?" Kendall asked.

"Getting you food silly." Carlos said smiling and walked away. He looked around and spotted a palm tree with a lot of coconuts on them. He grinned and run toward them, he stared up at the delicious treat and licked his lip. He rubbed his hands together and started climbing the tree.

He when he was at the top he stretched himself his fingers brushing with the hard coconut, he gritted his teeth his fingers were about to touch the fruit when some kind of shadow pass making him look up and lose his balance.

He fell to the ground with a hard thud. Pain erupted through his body especially his arm and head. Dizziness clouded his body but with all his strength he stood up and looked at the sky.

He eyes were blurry and his head was pounding. He gladly manage to move his leg and stumble toward his friends, the minutes of walking felt like hours his whole body felt heavy. He looked up and through the blurriness he saw Logan moving his hands in the air, his mouth was moving but for Carlos no sound emitted from it.

Kendall face popped in his line of vision, he was saying something with a worry expression still visible in his face.

Carlos eyes rolled at the back of his head and all Kendall do was catch the now motionless body.

XXXXX

**A/N: TAN TAN TAAAAN! What's going to happen? It's gonna be discover on the nest chapter.**

**Please review**


	30. Your brother is coming

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything just my imagination.**

Chapter: 30

Beep…Beep…Beep

_Agh…who is making that annoying sound?_

Beep…Beep…Beep

_Why is my head hurting? What's going on?_

"I think his waking up!" Someone said over excited and Carlos could hear the sigh of relief that another person emit.

"Carlos dude open your eyes." He tried but he just didn't have the strength to do it.

"James called a doctor!"

_Doctor? But…but…I'm so confuse…what's going on? _

He heard footsteps hitting the ground, already curious he tried to open his eyes finally he success. Everything was blurry but through the blurriness he could see someone smiling with a huge smile at him. He closed his eyes and opened them again this time everything was clear. He moved his eyes around with confusion and notice that he was in a room with white walls.

_Wait…How did I get in here?_

He kept looking around and his eyes fell on two happy boys who were sitting in his bed one was blonde and the other one was a brunet.

"Dude I'm so glad you're awake!" The blonde one say, Carlos opened his mouth to answer the boy but suddenly he was gaging. He moved his hand toward his mouth his eyes going wide when he touch a tube on his mouth going down his throat.

The smiles fade away, doctor and nurses came running. Soon the teenagers were on a corner watching the doctor working and nurses putting medicine on the IV that was attached to the back of Carlos hand.

"Mr. Garcia please relax you need to relax." The doctor instructed, grabbing hold of the tube.

_Relax? How can I relax with a tube chocking me?_

"Ok cough." Carlos did what was instructed to him and with a quick motion the tube was removed leaving him gasping for air.

Kendall, Logan and James sighed in relief and walked toward the bed. Actually Logan limped toward the bed and sat on it. Logan eyed the doctor waiting for him to say something but he just stood awkwardly beside the bed, the brunet rolled his eyes and turned his gaze toward his friend.

"How are you filling buddy?" Logan asked with a small smile, giving him a hug, Kendall and James doing the same.

"I-" Carlos winced in pain and held his throat, the three boys noticed this and turned their faces away from the hurting boy and stared at the doctor. The doctor stared back at them with a confuse face.

"What?" The doctor dumbly asked. Kendall cleared his throat and point at his friend who was staring at the doctor with a pout. Realization hit the doctor and a huge smile spread on his face.

"Oh I forgot, you can't speak right now but you can use this board and marker." Carlos nodded and grabbed the things the doctor was handing him. He opened the marker and write on the board but groaned when he realized that the marker didn't work. He hit the marker multiple times against the board trying to somehow make it work. Logan grabbed the marker and the board and tried writing in it, he frown and looked up at the doctor.

"The marker doesn't work." The doctor grabbed the marker and tossed it on the table beside the bed and grabbed another one.

"Here…" Logan face palmed and handed the things back to his friend.

"Carlos do you have any idea how much you scare me." Kendall asked looking at the boy with a sad expression but Carlos just stared at him with confusion.

_No I don't...what did I did?_

"Wait a minute." Logan suddenly spoke up. Carlos looked up and saw the doctor walking toward the door. "Where do you think you're going? Are not you supposed to ask the things doctor asked to their patience?"

"You are kidding right? Is lunch time and I'm hungry being doctor is hard kids." The doctor said and walked away. Logan glared at the door and took a deep breath.

"Being doctor is hard kids." The brunet said with a mocking voice. "I'm going to be a better doctor than him."

Kendall sighed and nodded his head. "No doubt about that…anyway how are you filling buddy?" He asked Carlos. The Latino looked down at the board and wrote his answer.

'_I'm fine but the real question is WHAT HAPPENED?' _The boy turned the board around, James leaned forward to read the board and look at the guys.

"Um…what is last thing you remember?" asked Logan from his sit on the bed. Carlos looked down and grabbed his marker.

'_We were lost'_

Kendall nodded. "…and?"

'_We had a talk'_

James sighed and sat on a chair beside the bed. "What else do you remember?" The brunet asked, Carlos furrowed his eyebrows and looked at the ceiling with concentration, even though his head was hurting a little.

'_That's it' _Carlos wrote and turned around the board. Logan read it and nervously rubbed his neck. Kendall furrowed his eyebrows and lean forward to read the board making his face drop.

"Oh"

Carlos frowned and furiously wiped the dirty marker with his hospital gown.

'_Just oh! Are not you going to tell me what happened?' _ Carlos turned the board around, a frowned visible on his face. Kendall read the board and sighed, he step closer to his friend and grabbed his left hand gently lifting his arm up in the air.

"This happened…" He started shacking the scarred and bandaged arm a little. "The doctor said that you caught an infection and um t-that you lost a lot of blood with the last cuts leaving you weak and it didn't help at all that you fell out of palm tree because you were getting coconuts." Kendall said and shook his head.

Carlos looked down from his friend stern stared and finding the white sheets more interesting at the moment.

"…and at that moment there was a helicopter flying around searching for us so now we are in back LA." Kendall said softly putting Carlos hand down and letting go of it.

'_How long have I been out?'_ Carlos asked that one question that has been burning his mind all this time he has been awake.

"A week and two days…you really scare us dude…we thought we were going to lose you." Logan said putting a large hand on the boy knee.

_After we finally got you back. _James thought looking down at his lap. James was upset. He really was upset and _guilty. _He felt like all of this was his fault if only have he said something. If only have he-

James jumped when a marker hit his face he looked up with a glared but it quickly died down when he read the board Carlos was holding.

'_Dude are you okay? You are really quite.'_

James quickly put up a smile and nodded his head vigorously.

"I'm fine Carlitos really." James said, Carlos looked at him suspiciously but decide to drop it off and held his hand out.

"What?" He asked staring at Carlos hand weirdly. "Ohhh…your marker" James bend down and grabbed the marker that was on the floor and give it back to his eager friend.

'_Are you okay guys?'_

"Yeah don't worry Carlitos we are fine, Logie got stiches on his ankle and James got a treatment for his concussion. They put all of us on an IV to hydrate us and all those things …so yeah we are going to be just fine." Kendall smile and ruffled Carlos hair.

'_Are Mama Knight and Katie here?' _Carlos wrote on the board.

"Yeah they went to the apartment to get shower…oh and some Palmwoods residents send you get well cards." Kendall said grabbing a bag full of cards and little presents and hand it to his friend.

Carlos smiled a little and opened the bag but he couldn't help but fill kind of off. He got a filling that the guys were not telling him something. How did he know that? Well Logan look like he is going to burst in tears any minute, Kendall look like he _wants _to say something and James is unusually quiet.

Carlos stared at them for a while then slowly grabbed his marker.

'_Is there something you guys want to tell me'_ Carlos turned the board around and Kendall lean in to read it. He back up and clear his throat.

"So who is going to tell him the news?...Not it!"

"Not it!"

"What? Me?" Logan asked. The guys nodded vigorously. Carlos just raised his dark eyebrows.

Logan took a deep breath. "Well um…your brother is coming next week…"

Carlos eyes went wide and he quickly wrote something down in big messy letter.

'_WHAT?'_

**XXXXX**

**A/N: Ok guys some might have notice that the last part on chapter 19 was kinda off. So sorry guys I just get easily distracted sometimes.**

**Yay the guys are back to LA *happy dance* and Carlos brother is coming wohoo! I'm so excited with this story I hope you guys are like it so far.**

**Review please and I send everyone virtual cookies for reading this chapter.**


	31. Antonio

**Disclaimer: Don't own Big Time Rush.**

Chapter: 31

Carlos glared at the door and leaned over to press the bottom beside his bed to call a nurse.

"Carlos stop that, you have called her seven times already!" Logan scowled at the impatience boy who turned around and stuck his tongue at him. Before Logan could said something about the boy immaturity the door opened reveling a young nurse with blonde hair slightly annoyed by the boys.

"Yes Mr. Garcia?" The nurse asked politely even though she wants to choke the boy to death.

"Can you let my friends come already?" whined Carlos giving her one of his famous pouts.

"Five more minutes Mr. Garcia…" She said rolling her eyes.

Carlos shoulders slumped and he glared at the nurse. "Please?"

"I can't break the rules sorry." The nurse said walking out of the room. Carlos turned toward Logan with a huge pout.

"But we break the rules all the time." He whined, Logan shrugged and snuggled on his blanket (he stayed the night with Carlos).

"It's just five minutes Carlos, stop being so impatience."

"Five minutes is too long!" He whined throwing a hand in the air.

"Dude relax!" Logan said. Carlos sighed and slumped on the pillow and glared the ceiling muttering things that would probably anger the genius.

Carlos stayed quiet and stared at the scars that now were not that visible. He trailed his finger up and down and pinched his skin something that went notice by Logan.

"Carlos what are you doing?" Logan asked standing up from the uncomfortable chair and eyed the boy suspiciously.

"Nothing…" He said putting his hand down.

"Buddy, why are you acting like this?" Logan asked sitting on the bed.

"I-is just…Antonio is coming today and…I really don't wanna see him…" he muttered looking down at his hands.

Logan raised an eyebrow. "Carlos…you hadn't seen your brother since we were 14."

"I know...I-I just…he will ask me question… like 'Where's dad? Why didn't he come?'" Carlos said. He just didn't know what to do. He knew that Antonio will ask that and what is he going to say? 'Oh bro sorry to tell you but he has beat me up all this time and he will not care about me obviously. ' No he just couldn't tell him that.

"Tell him the truth." Logan said like it was the most obvious thing in the world (which it was).

The truth? The _Truth! _He couldn't tell him the truth he wouldn't believe it and here goes insecurities again.

"…the truth? Logan, are you crazy?" Carlos exclaimed staring at the boy like he grown two heads.

"I'm not crazy. I'm just realistic you can't hide it from him he needs to know." Logan said sternly.

"No! I can't tell him that! I can't tell him that his hero, his _dad_ is just a drunk bastard!" Carlos said angrily breathing heavily, Logan stay quiet not wanting to anger the boy anymore and because of the little argument they hadn't even heard the door opening.

"What?" Exclaimed a familiar voice, Carlos turned his head around his eyes going wide with complete horror.

_Oh crap_

His brother stood there with disbelief written all over his face. His tall and muscular body got closer to small boy with a questioning face and soon Carlos started to feel intimidate by his brother.

"Uh, oh…I…" Carlos gulped while Antonio turned toward his friends.

"Would you guys please give me a few minutes with Carlos? Alone?" Antonio asked politely.

"But-" James started but was cut off when the young adult glared at him. The brunet gulped, he might be taller (Antonio was the same height as Kendall) but Carlos brother was way more muscular and when he was on high school he was on the wrestling team so should be afraid of him.

"Oh yeah we will just…" Logan started pushing the boy out of the room. "…get out of here." He said with a high pitched and nervous laugh, he shove the protesting boys out of the door and shut the door close.

"Hey you can't just come here and kick them out!" Carlos protest giving his brother a hard glare.

"You shut up." Antonio snapped. Carlos quickly closed his mouth and stared on the dark brown eyes that were darker than his own. "Now explain this to me. Why are you talking bad about Papi?" Antonio asked angrily.

"Because…because…." Carlos mumbled nervously.

"Carlos." Antonio warned the boy staring him with a hard glaze.

"…because he is okay!" Carlos yelled out of frustration.

"How can you talk about him like that? He is your dad and you have no right on doing that!"

"Oh come on Antonio your Daddy is not a perfect Daddy. Heck I shouldn't even call him dad."

Antonio eyes widen in surprise and anger rise up his vein. "What is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me? Really? You know what is wrong with me? Is that I was so stupid to stand that man all this time, that so called dad that used to beat me up!" Carlos yelled angrily. The air on the room was growing intense while the two Garcia just stare at each other until Antonio broke the awkward silence.

"You are unbelievable…" Antonio whispered.

Carlos raised his eyebrows in surprise. "What?"

"I can't believe you're saying all those lies."

"What the…why would I lie about that Antonio?" Carlos asked looking at his older brother with a hurt expression.

"You tell me you have always been jealous of the relationship dad and I have…you just want me to hate him." Carlos eyes fill with tears but he refuse to let them out. Antonio and his dad have always been close. His dad would always compare him with his older brother, always giving him everything he wanted. Antonio always defended his dad if you talked about him be prepared for a huge fight.

"Leave me alone please." Carlos said softly looking down sadly. Antonio let out a low laugh.

"You're ridiculous." Antonio chuckled and walked out of the door.

Carlos stared angrily at the door. He grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it angrily at the close door. He slumped on his pillow and let the tears flow down his cheek. His own brother didn't believe him. He had lost everything he loved the most his mother and now his brother. Things couldn't get better.

**A/N: Aw so sad! Sorry for that but I really can't help it and the late updated. Anyway I hope you guys like this chapter.**

**Okay guys I got some bad news first I started school and my updates will be slower I'm really sorry about that. Another bad new is that this story is ending soon I'm feel really bad about that but thanks for sticking with this story since the beginning I really appreciate it.**

**But not everything is bad I will started another story is a Carlitos angst and I hope it will be amazing. I will work on it when I finish this story. **


	32. A bad Father and a Broken son

**A/N: What up? What up? Sorry that this chapter took so long but here it is now! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

**Chapter: 32**

Antonio stomped through the hall of the hospital. He caught gleams of three persons sitting on the waiting room and before he could walk faster and scape one of them called him.

"Antonio, wait!" Kendall ran toward him just in time before the young adult walked out of the door.

"What?" Antonio question curtly clearly showing the anger and frustration he was feeling inside.

"Why are you leaving? Carlos needs you right now." Kendall said looking at him with concern. He saw how Carlos' brother face turned from his natural tan to an unnatural red color. His friends would have been scared of this but he wasn't.

"Is none of your business okay," Antonio said angrily, he stormed out of the hospital room leaving a really pissed off Kendall behind. The blond glared at the door and furiously stomp his foot.

James sighed and put a tan hand on Kendall shoulder. "Let's go check on Carlos," The brunet said walking the furious boy away. He stopped walking when he noticed Logan not moving along with him he looked over his shoulder. "Are you coming Logan?" James asked.

"I will be there in a moment." Logan said, James frowned but nodded his head anyway. Kendall was about to open his mouth to say something but a looked from the pretty boy shut him up.

"Okay." James putted his arm around Kendall shoulder and walked him toward the elevator.

Logan stared worriedly at the spotted where Carlos brother was standing and slowly made his way out. He looked around for a while until he spotted Antonio sitting on a bench right across the street. He looked both ways before crossing the road. The Latino glared at him but decide Logan to ignore it and sit beside him.

"I really don't get why are you so mad," Logan commented bracing himself for a blow from Antonio. When nothing happen he turned around and was surprise when he saw the Latino just glaring at his hands.

"I just…I don't know what to believe." Antonio said. Logan thought for a minute before saying.

"First of all…why would you doubt Carlos? He would not lie about something like that." Logan defended looking at the guy with confusion.

"Dad would never do something like that. I'm mean he didn't even scream at us before," the young adult said.

"That was before Antonio, you weren't there you didn't see anything." Logan said raising his voice a little. Carlos' brother anger drop and he looked down, he know he hadn't been a lot of time with his brother since his mother death but that didn't mean Logan has to rub it on his face.

Logan saw the look on Antonio face making his eyes softened. "You were not in Minnesota when everything started changing. He started coming to school with bruises every single day, he would always said that he trip or was doing a stunt but it wasn't that." Logan said softly remembering the black eyes on Carlos face and the nervous smile he putted on his face when someone would talked about it.

"When we moved here the bruises stop appearing but the problems never stop. He just kept acting weirder, you know being all secretive and he…he…" Logan trailed off and swallow, his eyes filled with tears but he blinked it away.

Concern, anger, sadness, guiltiness, all this feeling were running around in his heart. Antonio has always been a person that didn't think before acting and today he really screwed up.

"…h-he what?" Antonio asked filling a bad feeling on the pit of his stomach.

Logan sighed and shook his head, "I think…I should not be the one to tell, let Carlos do it." The brunet stood up. "I will go ahead and see what's up with Carlos. Are you coming?" Logan asked, Antonio shook his head and sighed.

"I'm going to deal with some business." The Latino said turning on his heels and started to walk away.

"Antonio?" The young adult sighed and turned around.

"Yeah?"

"Don't do anything stupid please." Logan pleaded looking at Antonio in the eye. The raven haired man nodded his head and smiled a little.

"Don't worry everything will be just fine again…I promise." Antonio said before he walked away.

Logan turned around and made his way inside of the hospital.

He walked inside of Carlos room and what he saw made his heart break in a lot of little pieces. He saw Carlos clutched James t-shirt like his life depended of it while he sobbed. Kendall was sitting beside him rubbing circles on the boy back and whispering words of comfort to the boy.

"What happen?" Logan asked sitting on Carlos bed. He laid a comforting hand on the boy knee.

"Antonio happen where is he?" Kendall looked around the room with angry eyes.

"He left." Logan said flinching when Carlos let out a stranded sob. "Carlitos he will be back." Logan said even though he knew it wasn't one of his greatest ideas.

Carlos shook his head furiously. "N-no…" Carlos choked out through his sobs. "I don't w-want to see him ever a-again…I h-hate Antonio." Carlos said his sobs echoing in the room.

_I hate him._

-xxx-

Antonio sighed and slumped on the bed in his hotel room. He opened his cell phone and let his fingers brushed against the bottoms while he pressed them and dial a familiar number.

He waited for the person to answer the phone but it rang and rang but no one answer. He was about to give up and closed the phone when he heard his father rough voice.

"Hello?" The man said.

"Hi dad…" Antonio greeted his father, swallowing a lump that was forming in his throat.

"Antonio? Mijo, how are you doing?" Erick Garcia asked.

"Not so good…" The young man murmured.

"What's wrong?" His father asked but his notice the lack of interest on the man voice.

"Is Carlos…" Antonio noticed his father stiffing at the name and his suspicious grow stronger.

"What about him?" His father asked slightly annoyed.

"He is in the hospital…didn't you know about it?"

"Yeah…"

"Just…yeah? Why are not you in here?" Antonio asked filling anger rising up.

"Antonio Carlos is a big boy he can take care of himself."

What?

Oh that's it.

"You know is true…you really are a bastard." Antonio said through gritted teeth.

"What?"

"You are a bastard."

"How you dare talk to me like that? I'm your father!" Antonio heard his "father" yelled from the phone.

"What a father you are…" Antonio murmured shaking his head before he spoke louder. "Carlos told me everything and let me tell you something _dad _you are done hurting him. You better not talk to him or lay a finger on him." Carlos' brother threated standing up.

"Really? What are you going to do about it?" Erick said.

"You don't even want to know. For Carlos I would do everything." Antonio hung up the phone and sighed.

He really owned Carlos a big apology.


	33. Forgive

**Chapter: 33**

"Come on Carlos it's time to go home," Kendall said happily as he walked inside of the hospital small room with a wheelchair. The small Latino stared at the wheelchair with distaste and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I can walk on my own," He said bitterly. He stood up and took a step to grab the crutches that were in the other side of the room. He almost tripped but he quickly grabbed the bed railings to steady himself.

Kendall raised his eyebrows, "Stop being so stubborn and sit on the wheelchair," Carlos sighed dramatically and slumped on the thing. He scowled, _stupid chair_, he thought angrily. Kendall grabbed the crutches and laid them on Carlos lap and quickly wheeled him out of the room. They stepped on the elevator and the awkwardness filled the place.

"So…how are you feeling?" Kendall asked breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"I have been better…" Carlos muttered with a small shrugged.

Kendall frown, _great…this is just great._ He thought sarcastically. _Just after Carlos was finally opening up, Antonio has to come and ruined it._

The elevator opened with a small ding and they quickly stepped out of it. They walked out of the hospital and toward the car. Carlos stood up and with his crutches walked toward the car. Kendall sighed and retraced his steps. He gave the wheelchair to one of the nurses and made his way outside.

He got inside of the car and gently laid his head on the steering wheel.

"Are not you going to drive?" Carlos asked lifting his head of the window and turned to look at Kendall with confusion.

Kendall exhaled quietly and turned to look at Carlos, "Are you sure you're okay?" Kendall asked his green eyes shining with concern.

"Why are you asking me that?" Carlos asked furrowing his eyebrows.

"I…" Kendall trailed off and shook his head, "Never mind," He turned the engine on and carefully pulled out of the parking lot.

Carlos sighed. To be honest, he didn't want to go back to the apartment. He knew that once he stepped on that apartment he will be mother hen by everybody especially by Logan.

He rubbed his arms and cursed himself when he realized that he didn't have anything to cover his collection of scars.

He quickly turned on his sit and started looking around.

"Dude, what are you looking for?" Kendall asked looking at Carlos from the corner of his eye.

"Do you have a sweater?" Carlos asked making Kendall frown.

"Why do you need a sweater? We are in LA is too hot for that," Kendall said but it fell in death ears. Carlos took his seat belt off to have a better view. He spotted the sweater hanging on one of the seats on the back.

"Carlos putted your seat belt on!" Kendall yelled when Carlos started making his way to the back accidently kicking him on the face.

"No! I need the sweater!" Carlos protest.

"Carlos!"

"Just shut up okay!"

But like always Kendall wouldn't shut up.

"Is it because of the cuts? Dude is just us you don't need to hide it." Carlos stared at the boy blankly. He shrugged and grabbed the sweater.

"Ha ha I got it, know what are you going to do about it?" Carlos mocked waving the piece of cloth in front of Kendall face.

"Carlos I'm driving!" Kendall said yanking the sweater out of Carlos grasp and threw it out of the car's window. The Latino gasped and glared at the blond.

"Now you don't need to hide your stupid cuts." Kendall muttered.

Carlos returned to his seat with a scowl on his face. Yeah…it was a just a small comment but it did hurt him.

Oh what the heck?

Who care if the people see his cuts?

The damage is already done and will forever be there reminding him every day that he did something stupid. Even if it felt _good_ for a while, it was stupid.

Quickly he felt tears threating to spill at the realization of what his stupid act has mad him. It had made him a broken shell.

They were close to the Palmwoods, now just a few blocks away. They stopped in red light and Carlos did something really unexpected. He got out of the red van.

"Carlos what are you doing?" Kendall asked sternly.

"I don't want my stupidity to bother you." Kendall asked widen. Where did all of this come from? He furrowed his eyebrows with confusion.

"What?" Kendall asked clearly confuse. Carlos shook his head and sighed loudly.

"I don't know okay? I just want to get away from you, away from everyone." Carlos quickly regret his choice of words when he saw the hurt look on the boy face. But once again he can't take anything back even if he wished for it.

"Please Carlos get in the car." Kendall pleaded but the stubborn boy refused to listen. Carlos shook his head and turned around to walk away before Kendall could see his tears.

"Carlos!" Kendall yelled for his friend but was ignore. He sighed and jumped when he heard horn loud behind him. While he drove he looked for empty spaced and when he found it. He parked the car. He got out of the car and run toward Carlos who was walking just a few feet away.

"Carlitos," Kendall grabbed the boy wrist and turned the boy around. He thought he could hear his heart shattering when he took sight of the boy appearance. Carlos eyes were red and they were tears running down his face.

"Oh buddy…" The boy sighed through his tears and pulled his hand out of Kendall grasp.

"I don't want your pity Kendall." He turned around to walk away but the blond block his pat

"Carlitos-"

"Just leave me alone Kendall."

Kendall stood there his feet glue to the ground seeing Carlos disappeared around the corner. He sighed and went back to his car.

-xxx-

When Kendall walked inside of the apartment, he was flooded by questions but he simply decided to ignore them and slumped on the couch.

"Seriously Kendall what happened to Carlos? He has been on his room for hours!" Logan exclaimed, standing in front of Kendall.

A few hours ago Carlos had come home and went straight to his room without saying a single word and his family was obviously worried. What if Carlos does something he would regret? What if he does something that will cost him his life?

"You know Logan, I'm not really sure." Kendall said quietly.

Logan stared at him for a minute.

"…seriously?" Kendall nodded his head and stood up from the orange couch.

"I think it's time to talk to him." Logan nodded his head vigorously.

Kendall walked toward Carlos and James room, he opened the door and the first thing he noticed was a hole on the mirror that was attached to the closet door.

His wide eyes scanned the whole room searching for one person, Carlos.

Carlos was lying on the bed his face buried on his pillow, his shoulders were shacking and he could hear the muffle sobs coming from the Hispanic boy.

"Carlos?"

He could see the boy freezing.

"Leave me alone Kendall," His voice was muffled by the pillow but his friend make out the words.

"I don't think you really want that," Kendall said while walking closer to the boy and laid beside him on the bed. The sobbing boy turned around and wrapped his arms around the boy and buried his face on the boy chest. Kendall wrapped his arms tightly around the shacking frame and buried his face on his hair.

"I'm s-sorry Kendall…" The boy stuttered, "I'm sorry for being s-so stupid and…and…" Kendall frowned at the boy words and he squeezed the boy tighter.

"Look…what happen…it stays in the past Carlos. What you did…yeah it was stupid but you decide to stop and that makes you the smarter person," He closed his eyes and took a deep breathe, "This is hard I know…It will take but I will be with you through it all."

Carlos calmed down eventually. They stayed in the same position for a while until Kendall remembered something.

Kendall pulled away from the boy and look at him like he was trying to figure out something. He sat up on his bed and stared at the hole on the mirror. He heard the boy wince beside him.

"James is gonna be mad at me," Carlos said while sitting up on his bed. Kendall shook his head and gather Carlos bloody hand in his hand.

"I don't think so," He said then carefully inspect the boy fist. Carlos knuckled were bleeding but it wasn't that bad, "Those it hurt?" Kendall asked touching the knuckles making the boy wince a little.

"Just a little bit," Carlos mumbled staring at the injured hand.

"Can you move it?" Carlos moved his hand just feeling a little bit of pain. Kendall sighed in relief, good thing it wasn't broken. Kendall gently rubbed the boy knuckles and chuckled.

"What?" Carlos asked looking at the blond silly grin. Kendall laid his hand on top of Carlos hand and looked up green eyes meeting with brown eyes.

"You know what's your problem Carlitos?" Kendall asked slightly amuse.

"What is it?" Carlos asked.

"You don't think before acting little bro," Kendall chuckled poking the other boy nose.

"I guess so," Carlos said with a chuckled a small blush covering his face. Kendall stood up from the bed and offered Carlos a hand.

"Come on let's get you clean up," Kendall said pulling Carlos up.

-xxx-

Antonio strolled down the hall of the second floor of the Palmwoods clutching a box of corndogs in his arm. His nails were digging in his palms with nervousness practically drawing blood from it. His forehead was sweaty and he was a stuttering mess.

He stopped walking and nervously looked at the apartment 2J's door.

He took a deep breath.

_You can do it Tony you can do it. _He encourage himself over and over again.

Until finally he reached his hand up and knocked on the door. He waited for minute until the door opened reaveling the person he wanted to see the most, Carlos.

"What are you doing in here?" Asked Carlos eyeing the young man curiously.

"I-I…" Antonio stutter and clear his throat, "I-I brought you some corndogs," Carlos stared at the corndogs that held a red gift bow on it.

"Why?" Carlos asked looking up at Antonio who shift uncomfortably under the boy gaze.

"W-well I know you love corndogs and…" He trailed off. Carlos raised his eyebrows and give him a knowing look. "I'm sorry…I know am not the best brother ever and that I should have believe everything I say before talking to you like that and accusing you for things that were not true but I was in shocked well in deny-"

"So what you're trying to say is that you are sorry for being stupid…and for being well…so Antonio?" Carlos said and the guy nodded his head vigorously. "…and you expect me to forgive you just because you started talking pretty to me and brought me corndogs?"

"Yeah?"

Carlos thought for a minute, "Well I forgive you Tony but… I don't believe in you yet so gotta win my trust back."

A smile spread on the older boy face and he lunched forward to wrapped his arms around his Carlitos.

"Thank you so much Carlitos."

**A/N: Hope you guys like this and sorry for any spelling mistakes :)**

**Please review my friends.**


	34. Confessions of broken hearts

**A/N: Hi guys! Sorry for taking a lot of time to update this chapter but things have been crazy. I had a huge science test (by the way I HATE science) and I was studing like crazy. Then I kind of...got grounded. So yeah I'm back!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own nada**.

Chapter: 34

"Come on Logie!" Carlos pleaded for the third time that day. He got on knees in a very dramatic way and pleaded and pleaded and pleaded.

But Logan shook his head.

"I said no."

"But the doctor already remove the moon boot," Carlos pointed out pointing at his once fractured leg.

"The doctor said you couldn't play until two months more," Logan said with arm crossed over his chest glazing down at the Latino with a stern look on his face, resembling like a mother correcting his child.

"But that's too much!" Carlos whined throwing his body against the floor and grasping Logan leg. He was acting like a five year old pleading for a candy.

Logan thought for a moment, he couldn't let Carlos play. What if he fracture his ankle again? What if he falls down and crack his head open? What if he _die_? Okay maybe he exaggerated a little at the last part but he really could get hurt.

"I won't get hurt," Carlos said reading his friend mind.

Logan sighed in befit, "Okay…we are going to the hockey rink," Carlos looked at him in disbelief and quickly got on his feet. He cheered loudly and hugged the brunet lifting him in the air.

And of course Logan ruined the moment.

"But you are just playing 5 minutes, _5 minutes_, okay?"

Just as those words left his mouth Carlos let him go making him stumble for a while.

Carlos pouted, "Fine."

The two teenagers walked out of Logan and Kendall shared room and down the hall. They slid out of the swirly slide and make their way toward the living room were the other half of the band were waiting anxiously for them.

"So?" Kendall asked standing up from the orange couch.

"I'm playing hockey!" Carlos cheered throwing his arms in the air. Kendall grinned and run toward the Latino and wrapped his arms around him. The two started jumping around with their arms around each other in a very childlike way.

"But just for five minute!" Logan interrupted the guys chick flick moment with a shout. The guys stopped jumping and 'aw'. They looked at Logan with pout on their faces.

"Well what are we waiting for? Let's go!" Kendall exclaimed excited grabbing Logan by the wrist and making his wait out with the brunet stumbling behind.

Carlos chuckled at his ridiculous friend but it quickly died down when he turned to look at James who was still sitting on the couch, deep in thoughts with an unreadable look on his face and it seriously worried the raven haired boy.

"Jay, are you coming?" Carlos asked pointing at the door.

"Huh?" James asked finally snapping out of his train of thoughts.

"Are you coming?" Carlos asked again looking at James with pure concern.

"Oh…yeah I am," James said standing up from the soft couch and without glazing his friends start making his way toward the front door.

"Wait…James?" Carlos called quickly.

James sighed and turned around with a small smile on his face but Carlos could easily see that it was fake.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" As soon as the question left the Latino's mouth the fake smile from the brunet was quickly wipe away.

"Yes I am Carlos…You shouldn't be worrying about me. You should be more concern about yourself than me," James said sternly.

"I can't just worry about myself when I know something is bothering you," Carlos said shaking his head at the boy absurd stubbornness. The brunet sighed and lowered his head.

With just one look at him you could tell that the boy wasn't alright. They were dark circle under his eyes that contrast harshly with his pale face. His hair was as it would usually be instead it was sticking out everywhere like he didn't even tried to pass a comb through the chest-nut locks.

And that was seriously not James like.

"I'm fine," James assured again quietly but the look the look that Carlos gave him it was clearly saying that he didn't believe him one bit. "Really," He assure and Carlos sighed deciding that is better to let it go for now.

"Alright," He said softly shoulder slumping.

-xxx-

"Woo!" Logan cheered as he scored another point, Carlos smile and cheered for his smart friend while he sat on the bench.

"James! Come on! Put your head in the game!" Kendall shouted at the tired brunet he was in the other side of the hockey rink. Kendall was not noticing that the boy had slower his pace and that now he was slightly panting.

James shook his head and waved the blond of, he took a deep breath and skate toward the exit and clumsily stumble toward the bench Carlos was sitting on. All the time he was doing that, he was filling Kendall eyes on him.

"Hey bro you okay?" Carlo asked watching worriedly at the boy pale face.

"Yeah…just…tired…" He said breathless.

Logan and Kendall stepped out of the ice and make their way toward the two boys.

"James, are you alright?" He asked once again, he resisted the urge of rolling his eyes and concentrate in getting his breath back to normal.

"Yeah, I'm fine," He smiled slightly filling relief when he felt himself breathing properly.

"Man you scare us," Carlos said with furrow eyebrows and putted a hand on the boy shoulder.

"Yeah…I knew coming here was a bad idea," James turned his head at the sound of Logan's worried and panicking voice, "You know what? We are leaving _now_," The genius said sternly getting his skates off and replacing them with his shoes. Carlos nodded and started gathering his things.

-xxx-

They stepped inside of the Palmwoods lobby, welcoming the whines coming from a miserable Bitters and teenagers enjoying their time at the pool.

They make their way toward the elevator and stepped in. Well everyone except for Carlos.

"Dude you coming?" Kendall asked him with a confuse expression.

"Um I will be at the apartment later, I gotta do something," The guys stared at the Latino for a minute before nodding their heads for approval. The elevator close, his friends disappearing behind it.

-xxx-

Carlos stood in front of the door, nervousness running around him. He knocked on the door of the infirmary. That it was soon opened by the Palmwoods' nurse.

"Hi…can I come in?"

Nurse Lacey looked back inside before turning to look back at the Latino. She nodded her head and stepped out of the way to let the boy walk inside.

"Hi Carlos!" He was greeted by Tyler, who was sitting on the metal table with a scrape knee.

"Hi Tyler!" He greeted back waiving at the red-haired boy.

"Just let me finished with Tyler first and I will be with you in a minute," The nurse said and walked back toward the kid. She pulled out a bandage from the box and stuck it on the scrape knee, "There you go Tyler you are all good now. Just be careful in where you hide ok?"

The chubby boy nodded and gave the nurse a toothy grinned. He thanked the nurse and run out of the room.

"So…What can I help you with Carlos?" She asked him while she put the things she used to clean Tyler scraped knee.

"I-I just…I-I…" He took a deep breath, "You remember the last time I came here?" Carlos finally asked.

"How can I forget about that."

"Well…about that…" He paused to take another deep breath, "I just want to say…sorry…I shouldn't have talked to you like that when you just were trying to help and…thanks for caring about me and thanks for telling on me too," Carlos smiled softly at her. Finally, He didn't feel the weight on his shoulders anymore.

Slowly a huge grinned spread on the woman face.

"Can I?" She stretched her arms. Carlos nodded her head and hugged her.

"Thanks for everything," He said quietly burring his face on her shoulder.

"No problem sweetheart."

-xxx-

_2 Days Later_

"James?" Carlos called from his bed to his tall brunet friend that was on his bed on the other side of the room.

Silence

"James I _know_ you are awake, stop your acting,"

Then he heard a sigh.

"Yeah buddy?"

"I can't sleep," He confessed sighing in frustration, "Can I…can I lay beside you?" He asked timidly at his friend.

"Yeah come here," James said with no hint of sleepiness lingering on his voice.

Carlos smiled gratefully and slipped out from under his dark blue covers. He made his way over to the brunet bed carefully not to trip with some shoes that were scatter on the floor. He laid beside James and the tall brunet pull his own covers over them.

"Why can't you sleep?" James asked throwing a strong arm around Carlos, bringing him close.

"I-I…it doesn't matter ok…I just can sleep that's it." Carlos said quietly. James sighed and gave the boy a squeezed.

"Well, I think that there is something that is really bothering you."

"Ha look who is talking?" Carlos muttered with a sarcastic tone making the brunet raised a quizzical eyebrow. "You know why I can't sleep because I can't stop worrying a single minute about you." Carlos said. James eyes furrowed his eyebrows in confusion only giving Carlos the urge to smack the pretty boy. Maybe if he did the stubborn teen will stop his acting and open up.

"I'm fine Carlos."

Carlos buried his face on the boy chest and scowled.

"Why can't you sleep?" Carlos asked quietly, James sighed. Should he tell him? His friends already have a lot of problems. He shouldn't bring him another one. He couldn't. But he can't take it anymore, he can't sleep, he can't eat, he can't even work without thinking about it.

Maybe he should tell him the truth.

Yeah he should really do that

"You can blame insomnia about it," James murmured but by look with wide eyes that Carlos gave him, he knew that the tan boy had heard him clearly.

"…insomnia?" He asked shocked.

"Yeah don't tell Logan about it but…I haven't been sleeping properly for the past month," James finally confessed.

Carlos eyes shine with worriedness and concern.

Insomnia?

Well that explains everything.

"But…but why?" Carlos asked looking at the brunet dead on the eye.

James looked away, "I-I…a-alright I gotta tell you know. I can't take this anymore."

"What is it James?" He asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I knew…" It was his only response making Carlos face quickly change from worriedness and concern to confusion.

"You knew what?" He asked slowly.

James gulped and took a deep breath before speaking.

"I knew...that…you were getting bit up," Carlos could practically see the pain shining on those hazel eyes but his own face remain blank.

Seeing Carlos lack of answer James began to ramble, begging for forgiveness and saying that it was his fault that he got bit up by his father.

"I know," Carlos said in a whisper quickly stopping James' incoherent ramble.

The boy eyes went wide with shock, "You knew? How?"

"I'm not that stupid you know," Carlos said with a small smile but it quickly fade away, "You would take care of me all the time, and when I would show up with bruises you would stared at me like a hawk or just beg me to sleep over in your place," James blushed, "How do you found out though?" Carlos asked slightly confuse and curious. That was one of the questions that have been running around on his mind that very moment.

"Carlos, my mom is the owner of a cosmetic business. I know when someone is wearing makeup," Well honestly he stared at Carlos face for a whole minute until he figure it out, but who cares the point is that he figure it out, "Even with my eyes close I know when someone is wearing makeup."

Carlos chuckled lightly and gave James a playful shove.

"Stop exaggerating, it wasn't that obvious…was it?"

"Well, you did sneak out a lot so…I guess everyone was a little suspicious."

There was an awkward silence until James spoke with the most pitiful voice Carlos had ever heard the boy use.

"I'm sorry," He apologize, Carlos looked up at his friend.

"Stop apologizing, it wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was…" James whispered feeling like if he spoke louder his voice would crack completely.

"I knew about everything and…I didn't do anything about it. I betrayed you, I should have said something and stopped the hurt you were getting everyday…but…I was scared, I really was. I was scared that if I said something and it really wasn't your father who was beating you up…you would hate me," James finished his little speech feeling slightly relief that he finally said everything that was in his mind. But he also was feeling a big grief when he felt the guilt he had felt ever since he find out that it was indeed Mr. Garcia who was beating his son.

"I would never hate you," Carlos said giving the boy a sad smile, "I didn't even want the police to find out."

James looked really confuse at that statement.

"Why? He was hurting you, he should pay for that."

Carlos sighed, "James, I knew that if I told the police they would have move with a relative and I don't have relatives in Minnesota even worst they would have put on a foster home. They would have taken me away from the ones I love…I couldn't take that risk…I couldn't leave you guys," Carlos closed his eyes and took a deep breath when he felt tears coming to his eyes.

He just couldn't have done it. He couldn't leave the one he loved the most. He love his friends and he couldn't bring himself to leave them.

He opened his eyes and looked at James through the pitch darkness.

"Please don't blame yourself Jamie…you were not the one hitting me it was him. You were not the one who cut me…it was me. Instead if it wasn't for you, I would be in that web sinking even lower if it's possible. If you wouldn't have been in the apartment that afternoon…I would be dead."


	35. Braveness at the end

**A/N: What's up? Okay so this is the last chapter of 'Help me' *sobs* and I want to thanks all you guys for the support and for being with me since the beginning.**

**Chapter: 35**

Antonio walked inside of the apartment 2J and spotted his younger brother cooking. He smiled and hid the gift that was on his tan hands behind his back. He walked toward the boy who was frying something on the pan that smelled _really _good.

He hummed and rested his head on the boy shoulder.

"What are you cooking?" He asked inhaling the delicious smell.

"Oh some chicken I'm taking care off for Mama Knight," He said taking out the spoon out of the pot. He put it on the counter and turned around to face his older brother.

"What can I help you with boy?"

Antonio raised a fake confuse eyebrow.

"Who says I need help?"

Carlos hummed.

"Well you never come on Mondays 'cause you're supposed to be on work," Carlos said poking his brother chest.

"I…took the day off," Antonio said with a smirk.

"Well 'taking' day offs is going to cause you your work."

Antonio frowned.

"But this is important," He whine stomping his foot like a child instead of an adult.

Carlos laughed, "Okay, what is it?" He asked with a smile on his face. Antonio grinned and pulled back a teddy bear from behind his back.

Carlos smiled fade and it was replaced by a look of shock.

"It's yours," Antonio said with a smile shaking the brown bear. Carlos slowly grabbed the bear that was handed to him by his brother.

"W-why is this for?" He asked hugging the teddy bear to his chest and letting a smile spread on his face. Antonio smiled as well and grabbed the boy wrist. He leaded the tan boy to the couch and sat him down.

"Well?" Carlos asked with a big smile.

"I just want to congratulate you," he said with a soft smile.

"Congratulate? For what?" He asked in confusion.

"It's been a year, ya know since you stop…cutting," Antonio said softly remembering the day he found. It really made him sad, no devastated. But he was so happy now that it really didn't matter what matter right now was the present not past. What really matter right now is Carlos is happy.

"Oh…" That was Carlos only answer but Antonio could see the faint smile on his brother face.

"I'm really proud of you," Antonio said giving his brother a bone crushing hug. Carlos smiled and cuddled on his brother chest.

"Ya know? I'm proud of me too. I never thought I would be able to pulled through that," Carlos chuckled lightly, "Well actually if it wasn't for you guys I think I would not have pulled through."

Antonio smiled and pulled away from the hug. He looked at his brothers brown deep eyes.

"But you did, you did and I'm so happy for you," He said grinning. Carlos smiled and hugged his brother again.

They hug for a few minutes until Carlos eyebrows shot up in confusion. He quickly pulled away sniffling.

"What's that smell?" Carlos asked at his older brother, Antonio shrugged and sniffled around.

Suddenly both of the boy eyes went wide.

"THE CHICKEN!"

-xxx-

"Antonio this is really delicious," Kendall exclaimed getting another bite of his taco. Mrs. Knight nodded in agreement but couldn't help but raised his eyebrows suspiciously.

"What happened to my chicken?"

Carlos coughed a little, "We sort of…set it on fire," He said looking down at his taco.

"Well that's nothing new," Logan mumbled with an amused chuckle.

The women eyes went wide with panic but before he could have a fit Antonio interject.

"Don't worry Mama Knight we turn it off on time. We even saved some chicken," He said getting out of hi sit and opened the fridge. He grabbed the plate and brought it to the table. He placed it gently on the middle and moved to let the guys take a look at it.

Sure enough, the chicken was black almost charcoal like, and it still have white foam from the stinger they used to turn the fire off.

"I'm not eating that," James finally said shaking his head vigorously and it was soon follow by "Me either" and nods in agreement.

Antonio chuckled and sat back on his sit.

"How did you guys got out of the studio so early?" Antonio asked furrowing his eyebrows curiously.

"Well…" Kendall began putting half of his taco down, "Gustavo randomly decide to bring his not so hairy cat," He said a devious smile spreading on his lips.

"What did you guys do to the cat?" He asked expecting the worst.

"Pintamos al gato pelon de mil colores (1)," Carlos said smiling widely at his brother, while his friends look at the Latino with puzzle faces.

"What he said," They said in union

Carlos shook his head and chuckled.

"And we kind of drop the cat on a puddle of mud," James said flinching at the memory, "Don't ask," He continue to said when Antonio gave him a quizzical look.

"Then we gave him a bath on the bathroom sink," Logan said with a disgust face.

Poor cat, that's why Mama Knight doesn't even let them have a goldfish. They would have the brilliant idea of putting it a leash and take the fish for a walk.

"So when Gustavo finally found his cat trembling, he got mad and kick us out," Kendall said smiling innocently.

"_I _was against this," Logan quickly said.

"We know that Logie."

Carlos chuckled and gave his taco a bite. The Latino ear perked up at the sound of the phone ringing, he putted his taco down and wiped his mouth. He excused himself and stood up from the table. He walked toward the living room and answered the phone.

"Hello?" He answered with a huge smile not expecting what was coming next.

"_Hello son_," A slurred voice sound.

Carlos throat went completely dry, "Dad?"

At the sound of that multiple heads turned around. Antonio slammed his napkin down and stood up from the table quickly followed by three teenagers.

"Give me the phone, I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind," Antonio said trying to take the phone out of Carlos grasped, only to have his hand slapped away by his brother.

"I got this bro," Carlos said eyeing the man seriously.

"_Feeling brave all of the sudden bitch," _He heard his father said slurry.

Yep he was drunk.

"What do you want?" Carlos asked calmly, taking a well needed deep breath.

"_What? I can't call my son and ask him how his doing?_"

"Ever since I left the house, you hadn't call. You don't care…so Why are you calling now?"

"Okay you got me there…well mijo I have some….money problems so-"

"You want me to send you some," Carlos guessed, Antonio stared at his brother confusedly and put his ear against the phone to hear what his 'father' was saying. In another circumstance Carlos would laughed at his brother nosiness but he didn't fill like laughing now.

"Why would I? So you would waist it all with useless crap like alcohol."

"_You ungrateful brat! I had done a lot for you! You owned me your life!"_

"I don't own you anything…the only thing you have ever done was beat me up and call me names," Carlos face was practically red with anger, similar to his brother face beside him who was unclenching and clenching his fist.

"_Wow your mom would be so disappoint if she knew how much you had turn into fucking smartass,"_

'That bastard' Antonio mouthed, though he wasn't surprise at all of his father rude language but what really surprise him was the look that Carlos had, a look of calmness.

Carlos learned all this year that you let people hurt you, and he wasn't going to let his father hurt him anymore.

"No dad she wouldn't instead she would be disappoint on you and what you have turn into. I'm really sorry for you, you were a great that but you choose a wrong path."

"_I didn't."_

"You did dad…you really did…well it was nice talking to you but I gotta go. Oh just for the record I don't really care what you think of me or what kind of names you call me. Nothing that you said would hurt me. You can't hurt me anymore. If you hate me is alright, I have a lot of people who loves me and that love is enough I don't ask for anything else and by the way I don't hate you, I just hate what you have become."

And with that he hung up the phone.

Carlos let out a breath and looked up at his brother and friends just in time before he was tackle in a hug by them.

Yep his friends would always be there for him.

_They will always be there to help me._

_**THE END**_

**A/N: (1) We paint the hairless cat with thousands of colors.**

**Please review my lovely people.**


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